l hate the night l am so afraid l just eat and make myself so ill

Hope Jillgood does come back to us, many people on here concerned about her.

I would NEVER bolt myself indoors for any reason. That could mean difficulties for any emergency services getting to you if needed. Also, could make delays for you to leave the property in the event of fire.

Do not like total darkness, I like my bedroom door wide open when I am sleeping, so I can hear anything happening in rest of hour or flat. For those who find darkness difficult then night lights can be of great help, or even leaving on all night, a central area light (landing or hallway). Sometimes just shutting out the dark with good window coverings and having nice lighting indoors can help. Even having on a radio with either music or a talking programme playing softly can take away the feeling of isolation.

DO hope that Jillgood has been following this thread and has made an appointment with her GP>

I used to be afraid of the dark and of being alone at night. I'm sorry to say that GPs are unlikely to be of much help, they will either prescribe pills or refer you to our overcrowded CBT oriented NHS. I know some people have sympathetic GPs but I have found that they often don't understand fears and phobias and the current appointment availability and time allocated doesn't help with sharing a difficult problem.

As others have said, the gut and our bowels just respond to how we feel. I've found counselling and hypnotherapy helpful and if you can afford it, I think that's the way to go. In many places there are reduced fee appointments available. Sleep is so incredibly important and living in fear of the dark is terrible. I do hope you can find some help for yourself.

Franbern, you suggested I need to see a GP, I don't I was offering advice to the OP.
I know a lot about gut problems because I have had some of mine removed but did not want to mention the worst case scenario.

Definitely see your GP who may be able to pin point your fears and perhaps point you in the direction of a good counseller.
Try putting a radio on quietly - if you have a local radio station, you might be surprised by the number of people that are awake for various reasons , throughout the night.
Look into finding out about Mindfullness and relaxation techniques. You can get CDs of relaxation from Amazon and ebay quite cheaply as well as apps for your mobile phone.
Easy to say don't eat - you always grab the things that aren't the best for you - something like soup that you can make for yourself ( selection of veg, chopped with water and a stock cube, simmered until veg is soft - even put in some pearl barley or lentils if you like them and then leave it chunky or liquidise for a smooth soup) boiled egg and soldiers! But you may well find that you won't need it after a while.

Apologies, Harrigan. My post was meant for Jillgood, not you. I should check my posts first!! Sorry!!

Franbern you say you wouldn't bolt yourself indoors. You would if the fear of someone breaking in was greater than the fear of no one being able to get in if you were ill. I thought it through and decided they could break the bedroom window! Thats how extreme fear makes you think.
I'm not alone now but I still put a doorstop alarm at the back and front door every night. Best thing I ever did. It has helped so much.

annepl - have you checked your area to see how many nightime breakins into domestic homes actually take place. Think you will find it very very rare.

Why are you so scared of this happening. Do you have loads and loads of expensive jewellery and art things that professional thieves may be after? But even those would choose a time when nobody is likely to be in.!!

I would NEVER permit any sort of lock, key or bolt on any indoor door when my children were at home, and the key to the backdoor was always in it and the front door just had yale lock. In the even of a fire or similar problem, the everyone would be able to get out easily,

I have lived by myself for decades, most of the time in East London, Still have he same rules - no bolts, keys in rear exit doors, etc. Also a key safe for my front door, so that number could be given out to emergency services to get to me.

Upto last year, have lived all my life in East London area, never had any problems with break-ins.

Franbern. I do worry that someone will think we have money at home because many older people do keep large sums in the house. But I've always been afraid. The general crime rate is low and almost all breakins are from windows left open. Or doors open during day when residents are in the garden. And I know residents are rarely harmed. But I'm still terrified. I have actually wedged my bedroom door shut while OH is out for the evening. I remove it when I hear him coming in. Don't want him to know.
My dad was out every evening and mum was so scared she slept with a knife or scissors under the pillow.
I haven't passed it to my daughter thankfully . She is very relaxed and could sleep all night with doors unlocked.
Its such a handicap. We have a caravan and it would be lovely to spend some time alone there but I can't. On the rare occasions my husband is away overnight I sleep in a local hotel, unless it's the middle of the summer when there are very few hours of darkness.
Sorry to talk so much but maybe Jillgood will relate to some of it.

annepl my mother had locks on all the internal doors so perhaps it is learnt behaviour to be afraid at night. I have no memory of this event myself but she told me that one night she woke to find a man climbing in the window of the bedroom she and I shared (my father had died) so perhaps she had a reason to be scared.

This was in south London which wasn't exactly crime free, even in the 1960s.

I found hypnotherapy really helped because it teaches you to relax completely. However, I still get nervous sometimes and I listen to podcasts or relaxation recordings on my ipod. I think the long, dark nights of winter are harder to bear than the summer. I am still glad when morning comes if I've been on my own! My daughter, like yours, is also completely relaxed at night, lucky her!

Goodness Luckyoldbeethoven no wonder your mum was scared. Perhaps something happened to my mum. I'll never know.
I'm glad someone understands a bit. I practise meditation and listen to relaxation recordings. They help with general anxiety but not night fears. However the alarms help enormously. They are little doorstop wedges which emit a loud noise if the door is opened. Such a simple idea and much more reassuring than the security light in the back garden.
I agree the winter nights are harder. But at the minute we can be thankful and enjoy the long evenings. Sleep well.

It seems a bit unusual to begin a thread and not come back to it after two days. However, there have been lots of interesting posts and hopefully others have been helped by them.
Maybe Jillgood will be back?

It does seem unusual. I have just found Jillgoods other recent post about having a colonoscopy so it seems it's a fear associated with a bowel problem rather than darkness.

I hate the dark too I'm panicky when I am one in the dark and ways have. It's such a terrible thing to be afraid of something you should grow out of.I hate the coming of winter. I have no reason to be afraid but I constantly feel the fear. Very odd reaction for a sensible and outwardly confident woman.
Any thoughts?

Alone and always Sorry.Must preview my messages in future

Gandtee are you afraid of darkness or is it the fear of something happening when you are alone at night?

Probably something happening when I'm alone I've always been afraid of the dark and hate being alone in the dark Make all sorts of excuses to avoid being by myself.
My friends would be very surprised if they knew as I'm a very gregarious person .

I'm the same. I'm an intelligent person and I know my fear is out of proportion to the chance of something happening. I've always been like this which is why I could never live in a detached house, or a quiet area. I need to know there's someone near. I can't think of an easy answer ( apart from hiring a security guard to stand outside all night!). I just make sure the house is well alarmed with security light on and a personal alarm beside my bed. It's always been such a handicap. People have suggested cbt but I know it wouldn't work. If I wasn't married now I would possibly think of having a lodger. How do you cope?

The GP would have been the best place to start.

I totally agree Annepl .Can't think that it's possible to change now. I also need lights on inside the house and couldn't live in an area with no street lights

I can't think how a GP could help EllenVannin apart from strong sleeping pills which wouldn't happen.
You can't actually stop someone being afraid.

what about hypnotherapy.
if you manage to get the right person, it can be helpful.
i read about one who helped people who were on the point of having bariatric surgery.
he managed to convince them that they had the same effects of the surgery without actually having had it.
i haven't explained it well. i was impressed.
he was somewhere in the midlands.
they felt as if their stomachs had been reduced/restricted; they could only eat small amounts and felt full.
i thought the nhs should send patients to him first, see if they can avoid the cost and risk of surgery. worth a try.

I've no doubt hypnotherapy would work very well for many things welbeck and thanks for the suggestion. I just don't think it's for me. Perhaps Gandtee will try it.

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to the OP who lives alone, leave all necessary lights on at whatever level works. For the noises, keep a radio on all night. I find the World Service, which is all talk, easy to live with, and doesn't stop me sleeping. No point in being scared if you can make things how you can live with

@Jillygood
Sorry to read of your problems. One stress aggravates another.
If it is the dark that worries you, have you thought of using one of these LED nightlights?
In UK they cost about £10 and plug into a wall socket. Running cost is almost nil, they are about 3 watts only, and provide enough light on the landing for us to find our way from bedroom to toilet without falling over, or walking into, anything.
If you can manage it, having a pet for company is a great help, for the companionship that they bring. True, they cost for food and need attention, (Walking if a dog) but a cat, if kept in at night, for their good as well as yours, can be very companionable, so that you know that you are not alone.