Mild Cognitive Impairment?

It really is up to you to look after DH at this time. Speak to your own GP (or better still make an appointment for yourself face to face), write down everything you have noticed and give the GP the list. Ask for their advice as to how to proceed. Let them know how worried you are and how it is difficult to cope with.

If it is the beginning of dementia - the sooner it is known about the better. It may, however, be something totally different and again, treatment can begin.

Definitely do not let him drive - lose the keys if necessary, puncture the tyres or whatever you need to do.

Marydoll and others . I wrote about my experience with my mom . She started as forgetting things and asked me not to let her go dally tap meaning mad. I had to explain what was happening to her. I did get the GP to see her he said what do you expect it's senile dementia. This was when she was 86 before she got breast cancer the second time. We didn't think they would operate but as she was fit in body they did. I moved in for 3 months as she needed to be close to GP district nurses. I only went home once a week to shower,do the washing and order shopping to be delivered.

Over the time before she lived with she would be ok to go out for a time but only with me. When at home she could still do bits of housework but I got phone calls all times of the night and day and have to go over. Or talk her through doing something. She couldn't find her keys and was locked in . I couldn't go that day as I had an hospital appointment so my brother went over and she unlocked the door for him. She had the keys all along. Before living with me everytime she was ill I had her at my house as it was easier for me to care for her there.

At times I wished they hadn't given her the mastectomy, but it gave her time to see both my children marry, and my brother marry someone who deserved him as my mom said. And saw and held her first great grandson. Funny enough he was the only one she remembered by name . I think it was because he was a baby .

I wasn't diagnosing HarlemShuffle 's husband but writing about what happened with my mom.

Fair comment, Marydoll, but the poster actually posed the question: "Mild cognitive impairment?", and then described behaviour that was far from mild, and potentially lethal. The natural rejoinder was to suggest what it MIGHT be, and to use that possibility to emphasise what should happen next. For me, playing it down was not an option here. However, I accept that some responses may have been rather too black and white, but many others, myself included, were careful to use "sounds like", "could be", in their advice. I also think virtually everyone said that the diagnosis should be made by a Doctor. So I'm certainly not "shooting you down", and appreciate that the topic is rather close to home for you, but it's also true to say that none of us claimed to be Doctors, and any advice was given with the best of intentions. As regards "not knowing" the individual concerned, surely that applies to every case described here on GN, but that doesn't mean that constructive advice can't be given. If that were the case, what would be the point of GN anyway?

My apologies. I agree Marydoll it is not for us to make a diagnosis. However, I do hope the OP seeks professional help immediately and loses the car keys, to keep everyone safe.

I think the OP knows what she wants do and she should follow her feelings and instincts.
One of my relations had to give up driving and it was not Alzheimer's but another very serious ailment. It was only when the whole family refused to be driven that they went to see their G, P.
Sometimes you have to be very cruel to be kind.
Best of luck.

None of us can diagnose the problem, but we can advise as to what actions to take, many of us from our own experience.

It is vital that this man does not get behind the wheel of a car, and I hope that this message has been heard loud and clear.

I stand by what I say. Excellent advice has been given, however the OP is obviously very concerned and speculation only makes stress and anxiety worse.
She asked for advice, nothing else.

I could have written about my experiences with my parents, but I chose not to. It doesn't help.

MaryDoll
I know my post was harsh. It was meant to be.
We have too many drivers on the road who are in the early stages of dementia.
In a split second many lives can be ruined 😥

MerylStreep

MaryDoll
I know my post was harsh. It was meant to be.
We have too many drivers on the road who are in the early stages of dementia.
In a split second many lives can be ruined 😥

Definitely. If the OP heard nothing else, then this message needs to get through loud and clear.

Yes hide the keys, as it is an immediate danger whatever the cause. I'm not sure you (without a diagnosis) can just go ringing the DVLA and whether that is wise in terms of your relationship.

Write down every single little thing like you have in the O/P. if your mobile phone has a voice record app you can also record conversations, this is very simple to use and not expensive to download. Its called 'Voice Recorder".

Yes try to get him to go on some pretext but make sure you inform the GP in advance (with list et al) what the situation is. There is a chance after all it could be a UTI. The GP may help out by offering a rapid "MOT' invitation.

Mental Health do run dementia services and it would be good if you could get a chat asap, but this is easier to do in some areas than others due to staffing. but it would be very help for for you to be able to describe the symptoms and get their advice.

I'm so very sorry it has come to this, please have a big hug. He must be scared knowing his family history its to surprising he is denying there is anything wrong. xx

Luckygirl3

MerylStreep

MaryDoll
I know my post was harsh. It was meant to be.
We have too many drivers on the road who are in the early stages of dementia.
In a split second many lives can be ruined 😥

Definitely. If the OP heard nothing else, then this message needs to get through loud and clear.

Marydoll, if other lives are at risk, children, parents, whomever- then I am afraid the message had to be harsh, and for all the right and humane reasons.

I think that the message about losing the car keys has been got over. But, we are in no position to diagnose any sort of dementia so MaryDoll is correct.

I know from personal experience how damaging the wrong diagnosis can be. My own father was diagnosed as having depression when he actually had lung cancer.

There could be something fairly easily remedied by a gp or referrals made for further investigations.

The problem with hiding the car keys is that the O/P is then in the situation of not being able to use the car either unless she has car of her won and he isn't insured.
...and it would produce immediate or fairly immediate confrontation as he says "we'll get some more asap" and so on.

I cant see any way round some tough and painful talking. He will have forgotten the things he's forgotten as it were, unless you have voice record proof.

Marydoll

I stand by what I say. Excellent advice has been given, however the OP is obviously very concerned and speculation only makes stress and anxiety worse.
She asked for advice, nothing else.

I could have written about my experiences with my parents, but I chose not to. It doesn't help.

Oh, I think it does help when others have been in the same situation as you and you are debating with yourself about what to do.
Nothing is worse than having to make decisions about close family and knowing others have gone through the same does not leave you in such a lonely place.

Yes, as long as the poster is not scaring with what might never happens, but I agree, its good to know especially how others have coped and what steps they have taken when they were at a similar stage.

I hope you are holding up HarlemShuffle - are you able to chat with family at all about your worries?

It sounds as if you do need to get your DH to the GP for some medical advice. As others have said there's no way he should be driving at the moment. If you need to hide the keys so be it.

We had to notify the DVLA when my Mum was unsafe on the road. They sent out a form to fill in and her licence was removed. She was miffed, we breathed a sigh of relief that she couldn't be responsible for killing anybody.

Talk to your GP or the Practice Nurse about your husband. As others have said, they can do a routine screening but also include a memory test.

If your husband is in the early stages of dementia, they can prescribe medication to slow the progress down so it is in both your interests to get a diagnosis as soon as possible. The diagnosis opens up the possibility of extra funding, in particular exemption for Council Tax which can assist in getting paid for help when you need it.

As a mental health practitioner I would advise this
Speak with GP and tell him/her your fears. Ask them to get him into the surgery on another issue. Maybe a well man check.
Sounds as if her needs a memory test. This can be done by a GP.
I feel uncomfortable with people posting that ‘he deffo has dementia’. He may well have but as others have pointed out it could be something else

I send you hugs and prayers for the best possible outcome for both of you.
The advice throughout this post is clear. I hope you can find the courage to take the next step,ie hiding the car keys or giving them to a trusted family member or close friend. Then see how things feel when your major worry has been dealt with. If you feel it is time to get your GP involved then so be it. Alternatively research all that you can about how this invidious set of illnesses progress and decide at which point you will know it is time to ask for help.
I don't know if you can get extra financial help and maybe you would need a definitive diagnosis for that, in which case you would need to go via the GP route.
You could write down alternatives to using the car like dial a ride, normal taxi, bus. Having shopping and prescriptions delivered. So that you can re-assure him if he panics about driving. If you actually want visitors they could come to you.
If you have children maybe they could spend time with their father to lighten the load for you, even if it is just having them there to talk to. Heartfelt good wishes to you both.

As per everyone else seek help and soon. Best of luck x

This is not going to develop into a problem sadly enough: it already is one!

Refuse to go anywhere with him in the car. By allowing him to drive you are endangering his life, your own, if you go with him, and the innocent bystander or other motorist who one day will be unable to avoid your husband's incompentent driving.

If your refusal to let him drive, or to accompany him in the car does not lead to him making an appointment with his GP to prove to you that he is still fit to drive, then you will be no worse off than you are now, but it might make him consult a doctor.

Phone his GP yourself asking for an appointment. If asked why you want an appointment say you have anxiety issues.

Tell the GP exactly what you have told us. If it is easier e-mail him or her as you have explained things clearly here. All GPs are used to patients refusing to consult their doctors, leaving a worried spouse to tackle the problem alone.

Why are you allowing your husband to refuse to allow you to drive? Surely in the year of Our Lord 2023 women do not ask their husband's permission to do things?

Are you doing so, because you are justifiably afraid he will become violent? If so, alarm bells should be ringing loud and clear in your head, because no-one should go around being afraid in their own home.

I hope you manage to get help to solve the problems you are trying to cope with, whatever their cause. Is there no family member or good friend who could help you discuss things with your husband? Or failing that, help you make the right decision,

70 is cruelly young to be faced with giving up driving, and though I can see that HarlemShuffle's DH may need to do so this is where I thought some responses a bit glib. And not as easy as all that.

I agree with whoever said that losing the car keys would be unlikely to work and it could leave the OP stranded as well. Maybe, HS you have adult children who could help persuade your DH to see a doctor asap, and perhaps accompany him and meanwhile do your utmost to keep car trips to a minimum and local roads only.

The 17-20 yr old age group is the one most at risk of causing traffic accidents. Older drivers tend not to speed, or to use their phones while driving, or shout and talk with people in the back of the car. But a different matter grounding a man of 70 from a teenager of 17.

Luckygirl3

MerylStreep

MaryDoll
I know my post was harsh. It was meant to be.
We have too many drivers on the road who are in the early stages of dementia.
In a split second many lives can be ruined 😥

Definitely. If the OP heard nothing else, then this message needs to get through loud and clear.

I wasn't questioning the posts about not driving, I totally agree with them.
However, it was posters speculating about a diagnosis, which I didn't think was helpful.

I am so sorry. The symptoms you describe are how my DH’s dementia started. Fortunately, he voluntarily gave up driving after he nearly hit a mother and child. You could tell your GP what is going on and he could call your husband in for a routine bp check or some such. He needs to be referred for a proper assessment and diagnosis. I have found the Alzheimer’s Society very helpful and it is certainly worth giving them a call for advice. Through them we have a support mental health nurse to call on, if needed. Good luck and try and remember to look after yourself