The fear women live with

Another horrific piece of footage in the Mail on Line today, of a pregnant woman being attacked and punched in the stomach by a stalker. I'm beginning to think that maybe it is a good thing that we have so many CCTV cameras.

And so do many men suffer domestic abuse. I am fully aware of how living with domestic abuse can affect you and how difficult it is to break away from it as a survivor of domestic abuse myself. I have a son who has experienced coercive control and whose ex partner is claiming domestic abuse and has stopped him seeing his son since November. Its costing him thousands of pounds and an enormous amount of heartbreak. No police reports and no evidence to support her claims but yet court dates drag on. We've missed Christmas and soon Easter without him in our lives and probably his birthday as well soon. Look to your sons and grandsons as well as your daughters and granddaughters. Teach them to respect women but please dont tell me every woman needs protecting!

The context is important, but so is the fact that wherever women are murdered they are still dead! A woman is killed by a man every 3 days in this country, and I don’t know about moral panic, but it should certainly induce moral outrage.

I have seen an outpouring of women’s experiences on Twitter, and it’s heartbreaking reading. Many women suffer years of control and abuse before they break away.

Some are left with mental health problems for the rest of their lives. I just hope that the terrible murder of Sarah Everard, brings about longstanding change in the attitude towards women which is the norm in society.

No it in no way diminishes its seriousness but it needs to be put in context.

Anitae

Agree totally with Foxie 48 when she says 'always has been'. Things are just reported more these day creating 'moral panic'. 3 out of 10 murders happen within the family

Yes, most murder, cHild and domestic abuse happens in the family. That in no way diminishes its seriousness. It is not ‘moral panic’ to want to raise the profile of that alongside the murder and abuse of women on our streets every day.

Agree totally with Foxie 48 when she says 'always has been'. Things are just reported more these day creating 'moral panic'. 3 out of 10 murders happen within the family

I think we would need to have a wide ranging conversation as a society about consent, what it is and what it means. I am not sure we are capable of that. I think it would end up with people in their tribes shouting at each other. So to be fair to ask schools to take a lead is asking a lot.

suziewoozie

Thanks so much for the updating on what schools are doing. I rather fell into the trap of forgetting that examples I was hearing from adult women about their school day experiences were out of date. How confident do people like governors feel that policies are implemented meaningfully and that a pupil really could approach a same sex teacher with a problem of sexual harassment no matter how small ?

It’s never just about training and policies is it but implementation and monitoring ( I’ve been involved in NHS issues where the gap between theory and practice was huge )

Going to be variable, like everything else is but I wanted people to know that this is not an issue that has been ignored, the guidelines for the PSE curriculum talk specifically about "consent" both in relationship terms and with regard to the law. The academy trust I was involved with had a superb designated safeguarding lead appointed at Assistant Head level, which I think demonstrates the importance given to the role. However, the school my grandchildren are at was always rated as Outstanding but went into special measures following an Ofsted inspection, basically because they failed on safeguarding. I should point out though that safeguarding covers a wide range of issues including bullying, child protection issues etc. Governors have a role in implementation but really it's parents who need to take a more active role IMO.

Well, one step in the right direction:

inews.co.uk/news/uk/police-misogyny-hate-crime-pressure-918829

Thanks so much for the updating on what schools are doing. I rather fell into the trap of forgetting that examples I was hearing from adult women about their school day experiences were out of date. How confident do people like governors feel that policies are implemented meaningfully and that a pupil really could approach a same sex teacher with a problem of sexual harassment no matter how small ?

It’s never just about training and policies is it but implementation and monitoring ( I’ve been involved in NHS issues where the gap between theory and practice was huge )

Galaxy

I dont think the issue of consent and the dangers of porn etc are taught in any meaningful way.

Well I obviously can't speak for every school in the country (can you?) but I can for the Mixed Academy Trust (5 schools) where I was Chair of Governors and I have to disagree with you. I had a further role as safeguarding governor so was very involved and attended training events held for the county so know at least in my county it was seen as a very high priority. It didn't mean every pupil behaved as they should but at least they knew what was acceptable behaviour and what was not.

I dont think the issue of consent and the dangers of porn etc are taught in any meaningful way.

Further to that these issues are covered in an age appropriate way both at primary and secondary level as part of the core curriculum.

IME schools regard sexual harrassment of their pupils very seriously. All staff and governors undertake regular training in safeguarding and are required to read the govt "Keeping Children Safe in education" booklet annually and sign to say they have read it. This is regularly updated and has a section on peer to peer abuse. If you google KCSIE you can access the booklet to see what is included in the training, every school has a designated safeguarding lead and any serious defects found by OFSTED eg untrained staff, failure to keep proper records etc will result in an immediate inspection fail which has serious consequences to both the head and the Governing Body.

Sparkling

Suziewoizie, It would bother lots of people if their son was part of a group, that swore, spat and were disruptive, these boys don't just change personality when they get home? I think a lot of them come from homes where they just get on with it and hear bad language and experience no parental interest in their lives. The availability of Porn,, surely there's a way to block it, or if they use it forfeit the phone. Parenting is not easy but schools can't do it on their own. We need to look at the way women are portrayed on tv and Internet, many of them seek out that way to earn a living, exploiting their body, a means to an end. On a night out many girls behave disgustingly if you have ever watched the documentaries on it, sick in gutters and urinating in public.

Gish such a lot to unpack in your post. First red bad language etc - I wasn’t saying it was OK but trying to make the point that type of behaviour ( as awful as it is) is preferable for girls to experience than sexual comments and jeers and having breasts grabbed( yes I know what a choice)
Porn - oh dear now you have depressed me. Not a hope of restricting it imo - it makes money.
And yes I agree - schools are only part of the solution - they can’t change society on their own but they can set the best example they can
And finally the portrayal of females on TV, etc and I’d add the print media just feeds the problem of the sexualisation and objectification of women.
Alcohol? Well imagine the scenes when the pubs open- the holy grail of our society ?

Suziewoizie, It would bother lots of people if their son was part of a group, that swore, spat and were disruptive, these boys don't just change personality when they get home? I think a lot of them come from homes where they just get on with it and hear bad language and experience no parental interest in their lives. The availability of Porn,, surely there's a way to block it, or if they use it forfeit the phone. Parenting is not easy but schools can't do it on their own. We need to look at the way women are portrayed on tv and Internet, many of them seek out that way to earn a living, exploiting their body, a means to an end. On a night out many girls behave disgustingly if you have ever watched the documentaries on it, sick in gutters and urinating in public.

Ilovecheese

varian Teenage boys are easily embarrassed and are often seen as more threatening than they actually are, just because they are teenagers.
I was at a bus stop once, a group of teenage boys were also waiting. They were "f" ing and blinding , spitting in the gutter etc. When the bus arrived the ringleader said "let this lady get on first" and they all stepped aside for me.
Grown men are a different kettle of fish.

I think this doesn’t take account of the feelings of the girls at the receiving end of words and actions directed at them with sexual content/overtones. Swearing would not worry them so much surely?

NotSpaghetti

I do understand the discomfort of the girls of course. suzie

It really was a very silly design and female blind wasn’t it whatever the full details? It just not shouldn’t have happened - it put the girls on the defensive

I do understand the discomfort of the girls of course. suzie

Suziewoozie it wasn't policy to tell girls to wear shorts. It was just one "unnamed" person who apparently suggested it to the girls. I have no idea if it was someone trying (rather ridiculously) to be helpful.
The school itself said something along the lines of they had only just had complaints about it and would rectify the situation.

Plenty of buildings have glass at the side of the staircase. It wasn't the actual steps.

varian Teenage boys are easily embarrassed and are often seen as more threatening than they actually are, just because they are teenagers.
I was at a bus stop once, a group of teenage boys were also waiting. They were "f" ing and blinding , spitting in the gutter etc. When the bus arrived the ringleader said "let this lady get on first" and they all stepped aside for me.
Grown men are a different kettle of fish.

I remember when this story broke.

‘A group of male students were allegedly caught taking photographs up the skirts of girls using the transparent glass staircase, in the centre of the sixth form canteen area at Broughton Hall Catholic High School, Liverpool Echo reports.’

What complete numpty of an architect was involved in this design and why weren’t pupils consulted. I believe the schools response was to tell girls to wear shorts under their skirts

I remember a lady (who was probably in her seventies) talking on the radio about walking alone after dark in a rather dodgy part of London.

If she saw a rather sinister looking group of young men or teenage boys on the opposite side of the street she would not shy away from them. Instead she purposefully crossed the street and asked politely what the time was or if they could give her directions.

They were unfailingly polite and helpful.

Perhaps she was lucky that she did not find herself in danger in these encounters but I admire her openness and chutzpah.

How can we, as women, strike a balance between being fearless like this lady or taking too many reisks?

Absolutely agree, and I also think schools should, age appropriately of course, be far more active in teaching boys how to view pornography as the dreadful thing it really is, so that from a relatively young age they know that objectifying women is wrong and will not be tolerated.

Nanna58

Okay, well- let’s not just roll our eyes, we need to find ways to help those people who aren’t seeing that they may not be raising their boys properly to face it and do something about it, and if that’s not possible even to bypass the parents in some instances, educate more at school and even involve Social Services by viewing mysogenistic ‘ upbringing ‘ as a form of child abuse. Just sayin....

It has absolutely to be rooted in the school culture and curriculum whatever is happening at home and in the wider society. Listening these last few days to accounts of the whole range of behaviours females face including at school has been awful. Given younger puberty girls wear bras and start their periods more and more at primary school so it’s never too early to start. For example pinging a girls bra strap is not funny and should be treated as though she’d been hit - it is after all a physical assault.