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What relationship advice would you give your daughter?

(81 Posts)
highandfighty Tue 12-Feb-19 13:50:47

Should she ask for it of course! My daughter's friends have organised a hen party and one bit of it involve a tea party and we all need to read out some advice we would give her for a long and happy marriage. Mine would be 'laugh a lot' but also less romantically, 'keep a separate rainy/runaway fund'. What advice would you give?

tanith Tue 12-Feb-19 14:01:32

Both have your own hobby/interests and make sure you keep up friendships with your own friends.

HildaW Tue 12-Feb-19 14:03:22

I'm a bit old fashioned and think that a little privacy/secrecy is not a bad thing to hang onto as well as a little bit of 'Mad' money. I do not mean keeping secrets of any importance from the OH. I just think a few things should be done on the other side of a door. A little feminine mystery if you will.

EllanVannin Tue 12-Feb-19 14:06:30

Be prepared to take the rough with the smooth.

highandfighty Tue 12-Feb-19 14:24:12

I like that HildaW. A little feminine mystique!

NanaandGrampy Tue 12-Feb-19 14:51:28

Pride makes a cold bed mate. Sometimes , putting your pride to one side is the right choice.

Also, marriage is not a bed of roses, neither is it a Disney movie - it takes work, determination and compromise.

And lastly, communication is key, its not always easy or comfortable but neither of you are mind readers.

Chewbacca Tue 12-Feb-19 15:30:24

The Recipe for Happy Marriage

Combine two caring hearts.
Melt into one.
Add a lot of love.
Mix well with respect, and trust.
Add gentleness, laughter, faith, hope, and joy.
Pour in lots of understanding (Don't forget patience)
Sprinkle with kisses, and a dash of hugs.
Bake for a life time.

M0nica Tue 12-Feb-19 16:05:02

Tanith cannot improve on yours.

Madgran77 Tue 12-Feb-19 16:11:05

Be willing and able to Sa sorry when you are in the wrong. Tolerance of differences. Talking about any problems at an early stage. Don't let things fester. Don't take the little caring things for granted.

Urmstongran Tue 12-Feb-19 16:11:14

My mum (wise bird) advised me to be wary of telling friends too much if husband annoyed me as, once we’d made up and were fine again, I’d forget his bad points and my friends never would.

Luckylegs9 Tue 12-Feb-19 16:17:05

Put the other first and don't sweat the small stuff.

agnurse Tue 12-Feb-19 16:43:07

The best marriage advice we were ever given came from friends who had been married for a number of years. They said, "Marriage isn't 50/50, it's 100/100, and marriage is a verb, not a noun." I've been married for almost 8 years, and while I recognize that isn't a very long time, I have definitely learned the truth of these statements. If you don't make working on your marriage a priority, it could well fail.

muffinthemoo Tue 12-Feb-19 16:45:04

I have made a lifelong litany of errors. Please accept this cheque and get some professional advice about relationships from someone who knows what they are doing

ClareAB Tue 12-Feb-19 17:03:30

If all else fails, feed him.

HildaW Tue 12-Feb-19 17:20:40

ClareAB....Yup, and that's how I 'caught' this one......unbeknownst to me he had a sweet tooth and I was going through a bit of a baking phase! Hey ho......my apple crumble hooked him and the fruit cake sealed the deal!

ninathenana Tue 12-Feb-19 17:23:35

An old one but I've found it a good one.
Don't let the sun go down on an argument.

sodapop Tue 12-Feb-19 17:28:00

N & G have it just about right for me. Also retain a sense of humour, the ability to laugh together keeps us sane sometimes.

kittylester Tue 12-Feb-19 17:31:36

Talk a lot, laugh a lot, love a lot!

Urmstongran Tue 12-Feb-19 20:12:09

Muffin your experiences of what you think ‘went wrong’ would actually be pretty insightful.

My other tip would be not to bring up anything important after 9pm.

HildaW Tue 12-Feb-19 20:27:08

......or before breakfast!

Tangerine Tue 12-Feb-19 21:16:03

Don't tell other people all your business. Think someone else may have said that. I think that's quite good advice even if you're not married or in a relationship.

Try not to let the sun go down on an argument.

Day6 Tue 12-Feb-19 22:02:05

Know that you are a strong woman who can manage alone if needs be. A good relationship is one to cherish and make work, but if all your instincts and feelings tell you it's not working, listen to them and decide if things can be improved. If you become unhappy and it cannot be mended, please do not cling to the wreckage. Being alone is far better than being in a bad relationship.

(I wish someone had told me this years ago.)

paddyann Tue 12-Feb-19 22:42:40

All marriages need worked at ,sounds sad in the first romantic flush but its the truth.If you dont think you can work at it to keep it alive then you're probably marrying the wrong man .Thats what my dad told me.Then on the way to the church he asked if you have even the smallest doubt tell me and we'll turn this car around and never speak about it again.He died 25 years ago this week and I miss him every day ,but he was right...I have awonderful marriage but there have been times when it has been hard work and worth it

MiniMoon Tue 12-Feb-19 23:19:33

On my wedding day my mother have me one piece of advice which has stood me in good stead.
"Remember this, your husband is always right, even when he's wrong".

grannyactivist Tue 12-Feb-19 23:50:54

Say something positive to/about your spouse whenever you can. Keep criticism to yourself.