Ending 20 year marriage

Well done. Please take financial advice and get your ducks in a row. Not sure if you are working or if you have savings, but make a plan.
Perhaps going away for a few days with your dogs would be a good idea.
Wishing you 'll the best.

Petal49. Your dream of living on your own in a flat with dogs is my reality (except no pets allowed). Believe me it was certainly not a dream of mine. I lost my DH very suddenly just over 10 years ago . Our marriage was ok , but not amazing. I too long for someone to hug and someone to go out for a meal with,or go on holiday. I have several very good girlfriends, but being’home alone’ is not great at all.
If you are in doubt about leaving your DH think carefully first. I lead a fairly busy life, but would never choose to be alone in a flat.

Only for a while trendygran, then she will be used to it. And she does need to leave or she will have very little chance of finding someone else - she's young yet, but won't be if she keeps putting it off. Your marriage was "ok" but hers is dead and she feels lonely IN the marriage.

Well done, Petal for having the conversation. It’s a horrible feeling that you’re hurting your hubby but he must also have not been the happiest he could be. You’ve made the first step to a happier life, hopefully for you both. When my marriage broke up I was able to house sit for a friend at first and later rented a room for a while in another area as I really didn’t know where to settle down again (our house was sold as he’d already bought himself somewhere to live) My ex landlady is now a good friend. Maybe doing something like this could be an interim option? Your local Gumtree might advertise rooms. Women sometimes ask for female tenants only too. Good luck

Don't forget she has dogs - may not be conducive to renting a room sharing someone else's home.

Ah yes, Readymeals, I forgot about that. My ex landlady has a dog & cat and was ok with other people’s pets. It didn’t always work out that the pets all get on though!

@readymeals you hit the nail on the head, I am lonely in my marriage, but while I remain married I stand no chance of this changing. At least once I'm on my own I at least have a chance of meeting someone new, I have hope again.
I've been a bit up and down since The Conversation, sometimes tearful and feeling very sad, but mostly elated and excited. Overall I so glad I'm so glad I have made the first step!
I've had an awful churning anxious feeling in my chest for so long, years it feels like, and now its finally gone, and I slept like a log last night

Well done Petal, and you still have us to vent to when you need to I hope you have someone you can talk to in the flesh as well, that will be a comfort to you.

Well done Petal that's the first step, don't let anything or anyone stop you taking the next ones. There will be difficult times but you will be much happier in the long run.
Don't rush into a new relationship once you are alone, take time to get used to living life as you want to and understand yourself again. Keep posting and tell us how you are doing.

Thankyou all so much for your advice and support.
Will keep focused on taking step by step, feeling incredibly sad at times alternating with such positivity.
He was very upset last night which was very hard, this is a difficult time but deep down I know I've made the right decision.

Completely agree with sodapop.
I've been on my own now since my ex-husband left in December 2016. Spend time getting to know yourself again. There will be difficult times, but everything works for (your) good in the end. Stick with your gut feeling.
And yes, do keep us posted. All the best to you.

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Just wanted to post an update for everyone that replied and encouraged me, and in case anyone is reading this who is in the same position I was in when I first posted. Its now nearly a year and a half after I told my husband it was over, and what a year and a half its been!
It really was one of the most difficult times I've ever had. Had to have counselling to help me process it and get through it. At the time it felt like it was never going to end. We continued to live in the same house until I had bought my own place, I didnt move out until end of October that year. But now I am in my own house and have met the most amazing man. I am so happy, every moment of unhappiness last year was so worth it. I sometimes still cant beleieve I've done it. All I have acheived and got myself to where I am now. I am so much happier, it was such a difficult thing to do and get thru but was 100% worth it. If you are in the same position, have the courage to decide to do it, then just take it one step at a time to make it happen. If I can do it, so can you. Its so worth it, life is too short to be unhappy so have courage and make the change. No-one else can do it for you, there is no magic solution like there is in the films. Its painful and difficult but I have no doubts I did the right things. I feel happy, calm and positive about the future. I have the life I always dreamed of.
Thankyou everyone for your words of encouragement and hope, you really made such a big difference to me in such a bleak and difficult time.
Peace and happiness to you all x