Missing a birthday card from my DS for the first time

A couple of years ago I visited my son shortly after his birthday. He had a stack of post under some paperwork that looked unopened. "Oh", he said when I pointed it out to him, "I think it's just birthday cards".

It was. One of them was mine. I had spent a while choosing the right one, writing something heartfelt and rushing to the post with it.

He thinks they are pointless "just more junk".
He sends no cards now. Neither Christmas nor birthdays. For a few years it was hit-or-miss.
He says he knows who loves him, that he loves his family, and doesn't think cards are relevant any more.

Maybe if I made a fuss he'd send one. But who wants a card sent out of duty anyway?

Could your dh give you a birthday card?

I think it is a bit unreasonable for your son to be responsible to cover the gap due to the lack of family unable to do what you would like

He and his girlfriend came to see you a couple of days before your bday. ......that shows he loves you. I wouldn't worry too much about a Card.
Last year my daughter didn't get me a Birthday Card. I was quite sad that she had forgotten, but what with being a single mother, and working 24/7, I had to understand.
Youngsters are caught in the whirlwind of their lives and Birthday cards are not their priority.
Happy Birthday Joanny !!

I never get a card or greeting from my mother... nothing, I also get nothing from my brother. My father and sister are both dead.
Hereford, I have learnt not to have expectations regarding other people’s behaviour. This way I don’t get disappointed...but it they do the good deed....I am delighted...so it is a win win situation for me.
It took a long time to learn this lesson...but it works.
Add in to that...your son is just behaving true to his gender.

Although people saying it's only just paper I'm with you joanny,I love getting cards and I would be upset not getting a card. But others my daughter, son included it doesn't bother them.

I have 5 sons. Lucky if I get 2 or 3 cards from them for birthday. More usually a phone call or text if abroad. They feel cards are a waste of money and waste of paper. Try not to let it upset you Joanny

I think there’s a difference between sending a card and forgetting your birthday- he hasn’t done the latter so don’t let it worry you. How about reminding him of the promise to meet up and do something together by asking him to suggest a date?

A birthday card? From a son???
I enjoyed one I got from them one year which said something like:
Happy birthday from both of us- the one who remembered the date, bought the card, wrote the card, addressed it, stamped it and posted it....

...and the other one.

Have you checked your emails, texts?
Perhaps he has sent you a virtual one and is trying to save paper - and the planet.

Happy birthday ?

I don’t think you are overreacting as a card is obviously important to you, I’m never really that bothered in receiving presents but I do like a card, so yes I know what you mean, maybe when you see him he will give you it,

I would much prefer my son to spend time with me than give me a card. If it didn't pop up on his Facebook page, I doubt he'd even remember it was my birthday. I know he loves me and that's what's important to me.

I didn’t get a card from my DS and his family for my birthday ( last week) either Joanny . Not entirely surprised but ever so slightly hurt if I’m honest. Mind you, mine wasn’t a “special” birthday like yours.

You're overreacting! I have a son who forgets birthdays, Mother's Day etc. Drives me nuts and I tease him about it unmercifully. You shoul
d have had a daughter if you want cards!!!

Binkiebonk not necessarily, some do, some don't!

Joanny this happens every year with mine. Last year I was ill just before Christmas and I’m still waiting for the promised gifts and cards. I doubt if I will ever see either.
It’s either apathy or thoughtlessness. Which is the more hurtful I wonder.

Think yourself lucky he's speaking to you and still in your life. Mine's disowned me completely. I got nothing from him for my last birthday, no recognition at all, and he chose Mothers Day to announce to the world on social media that he'd got engaged. I'd take having him in my life over a piece of paper any day. Happy Birthday.

I always get a card from my eldest son, and daughter, never get one from 2 youngest,they don't do cards,but say they love me and see them often,or ring me

He did visit, so he probably thought that was enough? TBH I do feel that we all need to be more honest about what we need from loved ones - otherwise, how do we expect them to know (they're not mind readers)? At some point in the future, maybe near your next birthday, when you're having a conversation with him, maybe drop in some remark about how much you look forward to getting cards for your birthday, and how important they are to you (especially his)? If he doesn't take the hint, you may need to be a bit more direct. Good luck.

Id be upset too.
It's not just a bit of paper, it's what's written in it that counts, so I'd be just as happy with a text or FB message but I'd want some sort if acknowledgement.
Hugs from me Joany, I'm sure he didn't mean to forget, men can be hopeless at times xx

So sorry this has made you sad, I know only too well how that feels with my DS missing many birthdays & even Mothers Day. I used to be devastated but now count my blessings that I have a wonderful DS & DD who are always there for me & contact me daily. What counts for more? I agree that cards are becoming outdated, even for me ar 65 thinking twice about sending them, prefer face to face greetings. Chin up, you have a son who loves you dearly, cherish the moment!

Let him know it matters to you.

I too would be hurt Joanny and I agree with others. It’s not just a piece of paper it’s meaningful and as for the environmental side of it, card is recyclable! You sound like a sensitive soul to me and that’s not a bad thing. I’m sure that your son would be sorry if he knew how much this has upset you.
Hope you enjoyed your birthday treat from your DH. ???

A sign of the times I'm afraid. The younger ones don't do cards so much now. Also, boys (and men) are notoriously hopeless at cards and always have been. Unless their wife or partner buys one and puts it in their hand to write a greeting they probably won't send one. Men do not attach much importance to cards, it's more a girlie thing.

Youngsters don't send cards these day they text greetings, My daughter doesn't send cards to anyone, Since I mentioned it to het that it upset me not to get one I do now receive a mothers day card and birthday card But o Christmas card which I accept, as so many people have stopped sending these

Maybe he's thinking he'll give you a card when you meet up to celebrate your birthday? Did he give you a gift when he came for dinner. If your DH is his DF maybe he could have a word to let your DS how important a card is for you. I'm all for good communication especially in families. Happy birthday by the way.