This is my first post, so please be kind ?
Here goes....I’ve been married to my husband for nearly 30 years. I’m 63 now and he’s 73. He’s always disliked young children but accepted my two from my first marriage (they were 10 and 13 at the time). Life wasn’t easy and we had our fare share of problems, especially with my children. He was really horrible to them and when I think about it now my heart breaks. There were plenty of times when I thought I should leave him but back then, I loved him so I stayed, putting him first and my children second. Big mistake. I won’t go into that now though.
My two children are now happily married adults and I am the very proud granny of 4 beautiful grandchildren.
My husband still dislikes small children and when one of my AC visits with their 2DC my husband gets a mood on as soon as he knows they are coming. They do not visit often - maybe once or twice a year - and only for about 3 or 4 nights at a time, never longer. Whilst they are here he’ll go out all day and will only get back late and then he stays in our bedroom. He may say hello to my AC but he totally ignores the children. It’s always very strained when they are here. I will never have a family gathering because both my AC know what my husband is like and they don’t want to put their children through what they went through. They only visit because of me. I tend to visit them more and stay for a week or so here and there. We all live over a hundred miles from each other.
For a number of years my husband and I haven’t done things together like holidays or outings. There’s no romance in our lives and we’ve been celibate for about 20 years. We don’t have family gatherings (he doesn’t have any family) and we don’t have friends. We basically just live together and plod on.
There’s an impending visit on the horizon so today, I asked my husband to cut the metal rods that are poking through the wooden sleepers in our garden. They were used to stabilise sleepers into the ground. They are dangerous, poking up about 6 or 8 inches here and there, but we know where they are so are careful when we’re out in the garden. My grandchildren won’t know where they are. He said why should he pander to the children. If they get hurt it’s their fault. I then asked him how he would feel if one of the children fell and the rod went through their eye and would he like something like that on his conscience. He replied that he doesn’t care about the little f...er and if that happens the kid deserves it.
I couldn’t believe what I heard, my heart broke. I told him he was evil and that I went through loads of troubles with him with my children and put him first and I’m not going through it all again with my grandchildren.
I asked him to pack his bags and leave. I don’t want him here. How on earth do you make someone leave though? He’s still here. I’ve asked him twice to go. The house and car are in my name. We have a joint bank account. I said he can take the car and he can have the money but he must just go. He’s still here.
Could you forgive someone like my husband? I have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of what he said. I have so many regrets. I should have left him years ago. I don’t love him. I don’t hate him. I just don’t want him here.
What would you do?
