Gransnet forums

Site stuff

An awful lot of nastiness these days, don’t you think?

(117 Posts)
Daddima Tue 12-May-20 12:54:20

I think it’s sad that a great opportunity for discussion is being lost, when so many of us are missing interaction. I’d really be interested to hear others’ opinions on a topic, but it seems to me that so many threads descend into insults and name calling if your point of view isn’t agreed with. Would it be so difficult just to respectfully put forward your thoughts or opinions without feeling you have to make unkind comments on other posters’ views?
I’m sure it puts people off adding their opinions, as well as being tedious to trawl through a post full of infighting .

Marydoll Tue 12-May-20 13:00:58

Daddima, I totally agree. Someone starts a thread and if some posters politely disagree, they are accused of being nasty.
It certainly puts me off posting. I find it easier to withdraw, rather than try defend myself.

Susan56 Tue 12-May-20 13:07:13

I totally agree Daddima.I have been put off posting too Marydoll and I’m sure we aren’t the only ones.

Anniebach Tue 12-May-20 13:38:14

I rarely post or read threads now

Nico97 Tue 12-May-20 13:42:32

Must admit I've become more of a lurker/stroller now sad

Charleygirl5 Tue 12-May-20 13:45:27

This is one reason why I am a lurker on Good Morning and am rarely off soop's kitchen.

It was only fairly recently I was hauled over the coals about something so simple it really was not worth bothering about so now I stay clear.

I did break that promise a couple of days ago because the advice being given to a poster would/could have harmed her physically so I could not allow my professional knowledge to remain stagnant.

Grannyjay Tue 12-May-20 13:45:58

I’ve noticed only certain people get criticism even if their points of view are similar to others. I don’t think it will stop me as that would be giving in to the bully’s which I despise. I am happy to see other points of view as long as it’s not one trying to belittle the poster which is a very common occurrence on gransnet.

whywhywhy Tue 12-May-20 13:46:00

I post less and less as I either get my head bitten off or ignored totally. There is a certain clique with some threads and I could streak naked across them and nobody would notice me so I have stopped posting on them. They just do not “see” me or comment on about me, ever.

Squiffy Tue 12-May-20 13:47:29

Same here. It's such a shame as proper debate can be so interesting - and informative. Even if it doesn't result in a change of mind, it can often lead to us seeing matters from a different viewpoint.

Rosalyn69 Tue 12-May-20 13:49:49

I’m usually ignored but I seem to be out of step with a lot of the more fervent posters and would appear to be deemed silly or simple.
I try hard now not to express an opinion that might be viewed as contentious.
Such a shame.
I feel that newcomers are not very welcome unless they fit into a certain box.

lemongrove Tue 12-May-20 13:51:07

Well, have to say that I am surprised things aren’t worse on GN considering what’s happening everywhere and people are unhappy/ worried/ bored / fed up generally.

whywhywhy posters don’t often ‘recognise’ another poster’s comments, this doesn’t mean they don’t read it, or agree with it.

Smileless2012 Tue 12-May-20 13:52:15

I agree too. I haven't been on GN as much as I used to be and don't post nearly as often as I used too. There's always been a degree of unpleasantness from time to time but IMO it's getting worse and I've noticed that there are GN's I used to see post quite often, who rarely do so now, if at allsad.

Riverwalk Tue 12-May-20 13:52:49

Oh, come on girls there're plenty of non-nasty threads to post on, and they are the majority.

The rough & tumble political ones are easily avoided if you're of a delicate disposition.

whywhywhy Tue 12-May-20 13:56:22

Lemongrove - thank you for pointing that out but there are cliques on certain thread.

merlotgran Tue 12-May-20 13:57:59

I must lead a sheltered life because I haven't noticed any nasty threads.

I don't read as many as I used to because I keep myself very busy if I can so maybe I'm only looking at the nice ones.

Ilovecheese Tue 12-May-20 13:59:06

I think that people are anxious at the moment because of the pandemic and that is causing some people to have a shorter fuse than normal, particularly if another poster says something that increases that anxiety .
Having said that, there are periodically threads such as this one, that appeal for less contentious disagreements.
Some people are more affected by differences of opinion and react very strongly when another poster does not agree with how they see things, or has different priorities to their own. That in turn makes them more anxious, and more likely to snap at another poster.

lemongrove Tue 12-May-20 14:03:08

I really don’t believe there are cliques whywhy which ones are you thinking of?
Some posters may agree with another poster’s views, this does not make a clique.
Every so often posters claim they are being ‘ignored’, it really doesn’t make any sense.
If somebody agrees with you and feels moved to say so then they will, others agree with you but don’t actually say so.
What does it matter.

Harris27 Tue 12-May-20 14:07:02

I think the way our lives are at the moment nastiness just isn’t what we need and yes it does out me off posting. We should be encouraging people to join in not putting them off.

Doodledog Tue 12-May-20 14:07:17

These threads come up regularly, don't they? It's difficult to know what a consensus would be, as there is always someone saying that they don't want to be 'savaged' (ie disagreed with), someone feels that nobody acknowledges them, whilst another feels 'picked on', someone wants to be able to have a debate, and someone else prefers the atmosphere of chat threads where everyone is 'nice'.

It's clear that it would be impossible for everyone to be happy on the same thread, so the obvious way forward is for everyone to stick to threads where they feel comfortable and let others do the same.

Marydoll Tue 12-May-20 14:08:06

why, why, why, I have seen you posting on the Good Morning, and people have often responded when you have said you were feeling low.
I post every day, but would never expect posters to respond to every post I write!
That wouldn't be possible and unrealistic.
Try not to to take it personally. Posters not responding is not meant as a personal insult.

Daddima Tue 12-May-20 14:17:28

* Doodledog* I suppose there will be people who don’t like to be disagreed with, but don’t you think there might be a difference between, ‘ I don’t agree, I think ........’, and replies like ‘ Oh, for God’s sake grow up’, ‘ Do I need to explain it to you’, ‘ If you’re too stupid to....’? I think that’s being ‘savaged’.

25Avalon Tue 12-May-20 14:17:52

I understand where you are coming from why why why. I have been thinking of asking the question “is gn cliquey?” As I feel sometimes it is. Some people seem to be ignored whilst others bat to and fro like a tennis match and across quite a few subjects.

Chewbacca Tue 12-May-20 14:29:31

Agree with everyone else; GN seems to have stopped being a supportive, friendly and helpful place these days. Spiteful, nasty and demanding comments are more commonplace now and, as someone else has said, even simply disagreeing with an opinion, leads to demands that they explain themselves fully and provide accredited backup data for why they hold the opinion that they do. I used to be a regular poster. Hardly at all these days.

Charleygirl5 Tue 12-May-20 14:32:27

25Avalon I know for years it has been said that certain GNs appear to be cliquey. Some of us have "known " each other for years online and followed grandchildren born and growing up.

Many of us have met in real life and with some, it has been going on for years. so it may appear cliquey to a newbie.

Marydoll Tue 12-May-20 14:35:55

Isn't that what GN is all about? Active discussion on a number of subjects?
People who post frequently, get recognised by other posters. That's not being cliquey.

Posters often ignore me, it doesn't mean I have to be offended. It's better than being personally attacked! wink

We all started out as new posters, it takes some time to feel part of things.
I understand that it can be difficult to join in initially, but you have to work at things.