When is a favour not a favour.

Ok for those of you that don’t know. Olio is a free food app. People, like me collect from various supermarkets each day. We collect all the food that they would normally be throwing away. We may be volunteers but we are paid. As we are allowed to keep 10% of what we collect. We advertise it on the app. And anyone can ‘click’ on an item and request to have it. My job is then to let them know when they can collect the items. Usually that night or they will be out of date.
Sometimes my neighbour requests things and sometimes he doesn’t. Any surplus food I can then either distribute to friends or neighbours or have to bin it. Which is often a terrible waste.
FoodStop is like a food bank. It run by the local church. But it’s not free. It’s £3:50 each week. I can not give them food that is passed it’s use by date but can give them anything that is date marked best before. As it can then be frozen. As I also work at the FoodStop they do receive any unrequested from Olio as I get them to request what’s left. I hope that clears it up.
My neighbour has more than he can manage from me.
But I realise from all your comments that he does seem to be taking advantage. So how do I keep the friendship on an even keel. When I seem to be all this ‘feeding’ very much as a favour. Yet he expects to be paid for favours in return.
What do I do…. Often if I don’t give him the food it’s just going to be binned.

Oh by the way…..
Olio is not designed for needy people. It’s to prevent waste.
Obviously I provide to those who are really in need first especially if I know their personal situation. ( which I often do as I’ve met them at the FoodStop)

You say you are allowed to keep 10% of what you collect.
Surely that does not mean you have to.
If you only took what you needed (or nothing) could you not leave more for others in real need, and not freeloading like your neighbour?

Grannygrumps1

You’ve been given lots of advice on here on what to do……have you not read the suggestions?…..

It occurs to me though OP, that if you are merely passing on food acquired from Olio, you are not actually giving him £40 of foods week. You say it would be thrown away.

Sometimes my neighbour requests things and sometimes he doesn’t. Any surplus food I can then either distribute to friends or neighbours or have to bin it. Which is often a terrible waste.
It sounds to me as if you are choosing to take your full “allocation” of 10% whether you personally want it or not. I don’t really see how this solves the problem of waste if it is then, as you say, thrown away?
So if it to be redistributed or binned, what is the problem with your neighbour having it?

I agree with posters who said he should not have charged you for doing a small job. But then I have a very "transactional" mind which is why I am "in business".

If I ask a random tradesperson to do a job I expect to pay them and will ask them up front for an estimate. If it was an existing aquaintance to whom I had already given a lot of stuff I might well remark that I might ask for a small reciprocal job to be done at some future time.

First time he suggested charging I would probably have reminded him about all the free food I had given him. Ok maybe he never asked for the food but by accepting he placed himself under an obligation. It would be interesting to see what his response is when (if) you remind him.

Some people will simply take and take with no sense of obligation.

But does he know you get the food for free?

Just wondering, all ethical aspects aside as other posters have brought them up and you've replied, why exactly you're anxious that you continue a friendship with this man?

If someone is my friend, they offer to help me if they're in a position to when I need help.

If they're not my friend, they make it clear upfront that they are doing a job of work for me, rather than a favour.

Examples: (1) there's a very nice chap who worked for my late husband and I doing 2 shifts each week for 16 years. He can be kind and thoughtful - during the week long power cut in our rural area last winter, he took me up to his home where I was able to shower and enjoy a hot meal with his wife and him. He still does the odd job for me but he would never, ever, consider not charging his full rate, plus fuel costs since I've moved further away.

(2) Our farrier, who over many years has become a real friend not only refused to ever put his rates up for us as he did his other clients, but when I moved and was upset at the prospect of bare wooden floors with just a few rugs down as I was unable to afford to carpet my house, gave me free and with no strings attached a roll of carpet big enough to do my whole house. He also moved my furniture in his horsebox to save me the cost of a removal firm.

Your friend seems to be in the example (1) category. So what are you getting from the friendship that makes you anxious about rocking the boat? If you know the answer to that, it'll help you know how to deal with him - or not - going forwards.

Many many times when I have collected there is nothing that I want. So not had 10%. It is no problem with him having it. As occasionally he has requested it through the app. What I’m try to get at……. Is that I’m clearly overly generous to him and get nothing back in return. As others have advised …….I should stop being so nice or kind. As If his favours require payment then so should mine.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding all this but I don't understand why Olio is not just giving all the surplus food to all the different food banks!! There are families out there really struggling; I can't bear to think of young children going to school hungry when people who don't NEED this surplus food are giving it away to all and sundry. It's seems immoral to me.

Ziplok

Out of interest, what is Olio and Foodstop? I’m assuming Foodstop is equivalent to a food bank? Never heard of Olio.
Are you in the UK?
It rather surprises me that volunteers are given so much free food that is presumably given in the first instance to support those in need?

I'm not sure but we had a talk recently from a group who collect just on or near date food from supermarkets and redistribute it.
Food banks don't generally take fresh food but this, different, group has fridges and a freezer.

The woman in charge said sometimes they get given so much bread that they stand in the street, trying to give it away!
If they didn't do this worthwhile volunteering, the waste of food would be far worse.

The world produces more than enough food to feed everyone on the planet. The waste is horrendous.

buffyfly9

Perhaps I am misunderstanding all this but I don't understand why Olio is not just giving all the surplus food to all the different food banks!! There are families out there really struggling; I can't bear to think of young children going to school hungry when people who don't NEED this surplus food are giving it away to all and sundry. It's seems immoral to me.

It's usually fresh food which food banks don't normally take (see my post above).

Ps there is often a queue right down the road at our local fresh food re-distribution centre. There is no need to be referred by a GP or Social Services as is the case with a Food Bank.

Anything gone past the date has to be ditched, better for it to be used.

Perhaps your group needs to advertise more widely, Grannygrumps1, do you have a local FB page or community FB page?

buffyfly9

Perhaps I am misunderstanding all this but I don't understand why Olio is not just giving all the surplus food to all the different food banks!! There are families out there really struggling; I can't bear to think of young children going to school hungry when people who don't NEED this surplus food are giving it away to all and sundry. It's seems immoral to me.

Possibly because it’s on or near use by date and food banks are closed when it’s collected/distributed, usually at the end of the day, could be 7/8pm. And/or they don’t have freezer space to store it quickly.

With olio, the onus is on the person who wants what is offered to go and pick it up.

Having the luxury of it being delivered is not to be sniffed at.

It also isn't a charity, it is just a way for people to share food and other items in order to cut down on waste.

Olio food can’t be given to food banks as it would be passed it’s use by date….
They don’t have food bank s in the evening after tesco has given it away.

I suppose it depends where you are in the country, but personally I would just like to give to those who are in need locally. I already donate to a supermarket food bin.

Let’s get back to “favours”
Do we necessarily always expect something on return?
Does it cost you anything to “redistribute” Olio leftover food?
Do you want to do it?
Unless you answer “yes” to these, I don’t think you can complain.
By all means you could suggest he does something in return but I would prefer to keep any work around the house or garden or car on a strictly business footing.

Yes Maw…. Sometimes it does cost to redistribute.
But this has really opened my eyes to others attitudes.
I think some people need to learn to say thank you and show a little gratitude.. and after doing many favours for a person. I don’t think it’s bad to expect something occasionally back in return. In future I’m going to ask what someone expects from me. 🤣🤣🤣 no such thing as a free lunch.

Have you ever suggested he do one of these "jobs" and asked him what he would charge? He might well say he wouldn't charge you when it actually came to it. It sounds as if you don't actually know.

My brother’s neighbour worked for a company that put Gusto boxes together for distribution. He would regularly give my DB free food, to the point that he only needed to buy bread and milk. When the neighbour needed a lift DB was going to charge him £10. This man had saved my DB hundreds of pounds. I told DB that I thought he was out of order charging, he dropped it to £5! He did eventually see sense. Maybe the neighbour isn’t equating the two things and just needs a little reminder. How about “thank you for volunteering to clear my gutters, it’s great when neighbours can do favours for each other”. If he questions you say, “I thought you were paying me back for getting you free food”.

Is he the only person you can give it to It all sounds very strange You take more than you want and he gets more than he wants so it’s probably still getting wasted
Not really achieving what it was set out to do

Grannygrumps1 firstly congratulations, you seem to be doing something which cuts down on waste and helps feed some people. All the negativity and nit picking on this thread is not justifiable.
As for your problem with the neighbour perhaps you could try bargaining with him next time you have food for him. Something like "I've got £x amount of food here for you. You know that gutter that needs fixing if I give you this would you just do it?"

I think I would just rather give away the food to others, and pay him for anything he does.

That puts it on a more business like footing.