cut out of thier lives 2

I don't agree. I don't post on this thread because I have no experience of being cut out of my children's lives. Any advice I might be tempted to give would be theoretical and could well be resented, so I don't do it.

I can understand the feeling expressed by some members that this thread should be just for those who find themselves in such a terrible situation, and can't see why others find it such a problem.

I do not know if I am in your thoughts nanban when you talk about people causing a problem but I have posted my views and advice without malice.

I do think that sometimes, when overwhelmed by a difficult and painful situation, being able to hear the perspective of someone disinterested can offer a new route to try to move forward.

I have been in such a situation, though not involving DDs or DGCs, and it was helpful for me to have someone who cared enough to push me out of my unhappy state of mind and seek a solution rather than continue wallowing in my self-pity.

Sympathy can be good to a point but too much can also support a downward spiral that pushes the resolution further away.

I do so agree with Ana !
Back to my book now !

I can agree with PENT also !
Both sides of the coin !
My book calls !

Nanban Please tell me "If I am causing a problem" to you or anyone else by posting on This Thread, about the fact that I have had upsets with my daughter for 34 long and painful years. I have been in contact with her about 5 of those years, The GC being used as weapons to get what she wants from me, my first GGD was born at Christmas I will never see her, because of a terrible thing my D did. Enough is enough. I and nobody else decide if I am sore and vulnerable. I will not go to another forum or start another thread this one is called "cut out of their lives" so I will post on it if I wish

Hello Newist, absolutely no-one should feel obliged to leave a forum when they have a contribution to make, or if they can take something away that helps. I can suddenly feel the hole I am digging getting deeper but I'll carry on. Absolutely everyone is welcome and it's wonderful if those people going through bad, dark times can find a warm, caring response.

Tolerance, understanding, and kind thoughts is what I would hope this forum stands for.

newist

Sorry, Nanban posted at the same time.

Thank you When I so appreciate your lovely flowers.

Oh dear. What a shame what's happening to our wonderful thread? I didn't get on here yesterday and was more than a little surprised to read some of the posts.

Yes Aka we do need there to be peace on here for every one's sake and Dollie I agree with you about getting back to topic and I'm sorry for coming in at, what I hope is the tail end, but need to make some comments of my own as I do feel that some previously made were pointed in my direction.

So sorry ladies, but here goes. I seem to remember Soutra that the issue of 'exclusivity' was raised recently and I thought it had been resolved. When I first posted on here I was thrilled to be welcomed by Yogagirl and Celebgran, to receive their immediate support and we three messaged on a regular basis. It was never at the exclusion of others. I have always addressed any remarks or comments that have arisen due to anothers' post directly to that person.

I have never found this thread to be "a private club or chat room for a few members" and I'm sure if others found it so, there wouldn't be so many contributing. To refer to a "plethora of posts exclusively addressed to a small group of individuals" is very unfair. I always say a quick 'hello' or 'how are you doing' to the two ladies I first had contact with on here whether or not they've posted for the reason previously stated.

I agree with dollie and LibraChick's remarks concerning "what I have done today accounts" as they are important. I know I've made quite a few posts of that nature . When I'm feeling I know that I will receive love and support. If I've had a good day I like to be able to share that too. When you know some one's had a good day, you know it's possible that you can have one as well. Some of the posts make me laugh and I know some of mine have made others laugh.

I agree MiceElf that "no one is obliged to take any advice" and it is always beneficial to keep an open mind. As you say none of us should have "any control over others who make a contribution".

As you say Nanban this thread has "always been a place of great comfort and understanding in the lives of some who are going through hellish dark days". We all know the old saying 'if it aint broke don't try and fix it'. So let us all allow this thread do, what it does best; give love, support, help and advice to those who need it and if we can raise an occasional along the way, so much the better.

Have a good evening everyone.

It's sad to see a 'them and us' tone developing in this thread. Those who are cut off from their offspring are, no-one denies, tortured souls. However, why not allow that others, who do not necessarily share this particular torment, may have something to contribute by virtue of their life experience. In fact, those of us who stand back from from this situation may be able to see from outside something that those so deeply involved have lost sight of. Bear in mind that, if you go to see a counsellor, that person will not share your anguish but by listening to what you tell them, may be able to help you to find your way to a new way of seeing things and finding a way through. That's what counselling offers. Now, if someone joins this thread whom you do not immediately perceive as sympathetic or even empathetic, don't blind yourself to the possibility that he or she may have something to say to you. This post is not a criticism of anyone, but merely an attempt to bring 'them and us' together.

anno I agree with what you say.
I went through quite a self destructive stage when I was in a very unhappy situation. I was naturally drawn to people I thought would support me and my 'side' of the situation because they had experienced something similar and I needed that for a while but it took a true friend to make me get out of that state of hopelessness,anger & frustration and move me on from that place by being tough and making me look outward and not inward.

Wise words, anno

Sorry to hear of your sadness Newist that it has been going on for such a long time is really terrible. My situation has been going on for 2 years and it feels like a life time. I just hope for all of our sakes that the 'cut out of their lives 2' thread isn't cut because of as annodomini put it the 'them and us' tone that seems to be developing.

What a shame

Consumed with anger, the world is an ugly place. Bathed in happiness, the the world is a wonderful place. But aha! the same world - Taitetsu Unno

You become like the people you spend the most time with, CHOOSE CAREFULLY

I too sorry. Newist don't know much about your story but you will find a listening ear here.

Smileless your post is excellent.

Nanban you are lovely lady and I know exactly what you meant.

The aggressive tone of some posts is not what this thread is about.

Let's hope to echo Dollie we can get back to the business of support which is the point of thurs thread

I do resent being called tortured soul! I certainly am not we have heartache to deal with but I would not describe it as that.

I think anyone who cares to try and be understanding and supportive is more than welcome to try to be, it makes me sad when ladies say they find the thread to sad to come on but can understand it, though as smileless says we like to have a laugh too!

Had lovely evening with friends sleep well everyone

Hell Newist, welcome and I'm sorry to hear you are another mum and gran in the same difficult situation as so many of us.

welcome newist...i hope you find some support and friendship on this thread..

hope your all having a good day..

Morning ladies. My day 'so far so good' dollie managed to survive my boot camp class this morning which is always a bonus Just thought I'd pop on here while I have a before I get on. Fatal really bec. I always end up being on here too long.

Ah there you are Yogagirl thanks for the lovely quote. I so agree that we can become like the people we choose to spend time with, and should choose carefully. That's why I don't want to have any contact with my d.i.l. .
Good to hear from you again. Hope you've been busy doing fab things.

Is any body any good with computers? The mouse pad on my lap tap wont work and so I'm having to use a mouse. A bit annoying as it's taken me a while to get the hang of the mouse pad. Any ideas for possible solution would be welcome.

for you Newist hope you have a good day today. Hope we all do.

Morning all smileless well done gymn again and well done me back from acquacise!

Cooking toad in hole husband requested! Then we off cinema railway man.

Maybe quick rest first.

Relief see you back yogagirl. You can see from smileless excellent post has not been easy on here last few days however we are coming through it


Hope you been ok and still managing sleep better yogagirl. Missed hearing all your activities!

Good Tuesday everyone and for anyone sad today,

hope everyone is ok and keeping strong....keep those glasses half full ladies...

Dollie

anno wise words.

Hi newish, sorry to hear another sad story. Well my books are here, so OH and I are busy reading them, but it does make me sad reading the book 'parents who hurt', it's as if someone has been reading my mind.

Haven't been on for a couple of days as didn't like the posts that were bringing bitterness into the thread.

Hope all you grans are all well

I am sorry if anybody felt as librachick and celeb obviously do that comments from "outsiders" have brought bitterness into your group. I never intended in my post nor did I read in anybody else's posts anything that could be construed as threatening your closely knit friendship. So sorry, I will mind my own business and keep off threads where my opinions are clearly not welcome.