cut out of thier lives 2

let us know if the books are any good librachick..best to just ignore bitter postings rather than feed them...nice to see you back..

I received my copy of When Parents Hurt, at the weekend. I find it really well-written and appropriate to lots of issues on this thread. The last few pages really do relate to what I'm having to deal with at the moment.
I hope you'll get a bit of, if not 'comfort', then a bit of understanding as to how you're feeling, Librachick. xx

Soutra this thread is for anyone and everyone, and it's been good to see how it has revived with more contributions in the last week or so, including some new posters who are also looking for support and other people's views. That's the great thing about Gransnet!

Soutra, I didn’t mind that you had or had not been through what we are going through. I don’t mind who posts what, it just was little bitter between some posters. Anyone should be allowed to post on any thread, it is an open forum. You don’t have to have gone through something, maybe we can’t empathise, but possibly sympathise with people going through anything.

Another Xmas,another birthday soon - still denied all contact with only GS.
I live alone- no OH to give comfort and support!- so it’s very depressing at times.
Had lots of support and comfort from GNs- for which many thanks.
But I do find some postings on this thread not very helpful.Constant repetition of anger hatred and bitterness is very sad.- and worrying on a public forum visible to all relatives!
My son ,family and I have done all we can but there seems no hope. At my age it’s likely I might well die without renewing contact.
However what is is!
I value my friends ,neighbours and other family.and try to keep active and positive.
I’m writing letters about me and my life (not mushy -not critical or accusatory of anyone) to keep as a legacy for my GS -
and other letters (Say not Send) to express my grief and anger.
These latter I can ritually burn when I’m able to let go of the negative feelings.
We all deal with this in our different ways.This is mine at present.
Best wishes to all grans cut off from family

You describe a constructive way of dealing with such upsetting circumstances, Maniac. I sincerely hope something will change for the better for you this year

A very touching and dignified post, Maniac. I hope it's not too late to hope (if you see what I mean) that one day there will be a happy outcome to all your anguish.

What wise words, Maniac. You set an example of dignity and patient endurance.

Indeed she does.

I just wish gransnet HQ could do something about the title of this thread. Not trivialising it just grates

Maniac Your post is inspirational, I do hope some day you will have contact with your GS

What a very positive , unself-pitying and reasoned approach you have to your life Maniac. You surely deserve better but what I find inspirational is that you focus on the positives in your life however much you may be crying inside.

Thanks for your post Maniac. I'm lucky, in that I do see my grandchildren, because they are old enough to visit us. I have never criticised their mother to them, and always ask how she is, which the boys know is genuine as they know we love her. Our relationship with our much loved grandchildren has, of course, been affected by events, which is so sad.
Maniac, your post was inspirational, and encourages me to continue trying to do the best I can in a situation I wouldn't wish on anybody.

Evening ladies. Good to see you back on LibraChick you and Marelli have reminded me that I still haven't ordered my books. Glad your finding yours helpful Marelli I'll have to go back and find the titles and authors again and get my orders in.

What a remarkable lady you are Maniac. It must be so much harder when you don't have an OH to share your burden. I write for my gs, mostly poems, when ever I think about him especially on his bday and Christmas, as you say it can be very depressing at times, but at least we can leave some kind of a legacy.

As you rightly say, we all have our own ways of coping with the problems life throws at us. I hope that you will see a resolution and be able to see your gs for you.

Feeling rather pleased with myself as I've managed to solve my mouse pad problem. Just happened to notice that all the little lights when the lap top is on are green, and only one was red, pressed it and hey presto! As you can see I'm not computer minded .

Hope you enjoyed your film last night Celebgran I'd heard it was a bit gruesome in parts so wont watch it my self, how did you find it?

Going out for a meal with OH so better start getting ready. Just some thing else that takes longer the older you get

Hope you've had a good day Yogagirl

Have a good evening every one.

Maniac so sorry that you have that to go through without a partner for support. We got through Xmas just but will not personally deliver presents again way too upsetting.

Estranged daughter birthday Monday have posted card desperate to try keep all doors open.

Have you thought of doing a blog online for your estranged grandson? I do one for my grandaughter and I helps to know me to know she may find these one day.

Worried not heard much from yogagirl hope you not been too upset by some posts i know it has affected me. I am too sensitive for my own good I realise.

Smileless enjoyed film being true story helped the torture scenes were pretty awful.

as whenim says soutra we all welcome to post on any thread so please feel free any helpful comments welcome. Where emotions run high some of us are more fragile than others.

I certainly welcome people kind enough to comment whatever their family situation.

Has been stressful day put wax heater on at my clients only to realise had forgotten wax strips etc grrrrrr managed to do pedicure client friend also so we had nice lunch and catch up.

Enjoy evening all.

Hello Girls
Thanks for your pm's
I've had a dreadful time these last days that I haven't been on here. Firstly my fridge broke, I purchased another, only for it to be too tall to fit into my kitchen fitted cupboard system, so it was stuck in the middle of my kitchen for half the week! Luckily a friend who's a carpenter, came round to help, and actually rebuilt the cupboards to accommodate the new fridge! He did a marvellous job. Then I got a nasty versus on my PC, sending out emails to my friends and family asking for money! I sent a message to all saying; "it was a scam, but if you still want to send me money, contact me for my bank details" lol. It's taken me three days to clean and re-set my pc! Then my new tablet is rubbish, bought a signal booster, which just seems to take the signal right off! so I need to take another look at that. Then my friend who is distraught about the break up of her 23yr marriage has needed lots of support and t.l.c
On top of all that...things have kicked off again! It's my prev. m.i.l's 80th Birthday soon and I was sent an invitation to the big 'do'. She wasn't with my prev. f.i.l when I meet my first husband (my children's father) and married twice since then, I've always been very friendly with her, holidays, Xmas and b/days etc. even after I broke up with her son. Unbeknown to me, my invitation caused some stir, of which I don't know, but resulted in me getting hate mail from my ex (divorced 20yrs and hardly seen or spoken to since), really really bad and full of lies,sent as a round robin, even to nasty s.i.l and his whole family! My ND said he must have been drunk (as always)! He lives in Indonesia and has said he will not be at his Mother's 80th 'do', so I don't know what the problem is, apart from if my D and nasty s.i.l wanted to go,but then my D fell out with her when she was first pregnant with our Laila, as she (my prev. m.i.l) told D dad before my D could, that she was expecting, after that it was only with my encouragement that her nan and her auntie (my prev. m.i.l and sis.i.l) got any invites to my GC b/day parties and house warming. D also fell out with her Dad at the same time and has never wanted to have anything to do with him till now it seems (think nasty s.i.l has worked on him). Hope you can follow that! Anyway it then all blow up through the whole family with my ND getting hate mail from her Brother(my S), and then my D and nasty s.i.l joined in, it was really really bad with my ND getting threats. I blocked any mail from them all and my ND has said she will not talk to her Brother again. I said to her "all this nastiness began when s.i.l joined our family, before him we all got along so well and this will only end when he is no longer in our family" So my ND and I have been more than very upset and feel we both need to distance ourselves from them all. to drink whilst reading this too long post and for you all xx

Hello Smileless and Celebgran just seen your posts hope your both well

Oh yogagirl gosh you have been having rough time

How lovely of your friend to sort cupboards for our fridge.

Sorry about family conflict kicking of again so sad.

Hard to shake off sad feelings sometimes we try be positive as possible but I just would love my daughter and grow daughters back sadly this does not look likely so need try accept things we can't change.

Good see you back yogagirl ! just sorry more stress for you x

Just got in after a lovely meal out with lovely hubby. Glad you enjoyed the film Celebgran you did well to sit through the torture scenes; I went to the cinema to watch 'Schindlers List' when it was first released and was tempted to walk out during the ghetto clearing scenes! I don't think you're too sensitive. I know your sensitivity has helped me; better to be over sensitive than to have no sensitivity at all.

Oh Yogagirl why do such awful things happen to such lovely people. It just goes to show what problems some people have when an invitation to an 80th celebration provokes such cruel and adverse comments.

It says a lot about the kind of person you are when your ex m.i.l. invites you to her big do. Try and focus on that and not the poison being banded about. Your post isn't too long. No one's post is ever too long when they are upset and need love and support.

I understand why you feel the need to distance yourselves (you and ND) from them all. Hubby and I are hoping to be able to do the same this year. We are listening to a 'Carpenters' CD at the moment; well we are getting on you know . When hubby went to put it on he found an extra disc inside. We both knew what it was, a beautiful track our s downloaded for us a few years ago. I've been looking for it for ages. He doesn't want to hear it so I'll play it when he goes to bed. I'm bound to cry. Distancing yourself; easier said than done.

So very sorry Yogagirl so cruel and undeserved. Hope you can sleep tonight.

Pleasant dreams for us all

Thanks smiless that's kind of you to say.

Glad you had good evening. My dear husband cooked me a steak after my stressful day forgetting essential stuff! Never mind my friend /client texted me to say her feet felt lovely!

Finding it effort to keep going and positive especially mornings but acquacise again today the dental check up ugh!

My knees were so painful in night maybe won't go up in loft very often !

Was hoping loft ladder make it easy whereas I can now just about do it not easy!

Hope you feeling better yogagirl and please don't be put off sharing things with us libra chick this is a thread for support.

Evening every one. How are your knees doing Celebgran. I'm sorry that you're finding it difficult to keep going and be positive some days are certainly easier than others aren't they.

I'm going all out to be as positive as I can be but shed a few tears when I played that long lost CD. Still on the positive side there was a time when I couldn't listen to it with out weeping buckets. Isn't it funny how we can't resist doing something even though we know it's going to upset us .

I might look through all the poems I've written for and about my gs tomorrow. Got a lovely book last year so I could write them all out as there all on pieces of paper at the moment, and stickers to make the pages look nice, but haven't been able to write them out properly yet. Who knows, tomorrow might be the day.

Hope you managed to sleep OK last night Yogagirl, have you decided what you're going to do about your invitation yet? How are you doing LibraChick? hope you're coping OK and that every one else is OK too.

Good morning even if it is dark and wet !

Thanks smileless my knees still painful ! Had good workout at acquacise again!

Weather is very depressing. Buy hey no just heard from nephews wife and we going to see her and baby next thus! Look forward to that.

Hope you not feeling too down yogagirl. We here to listen don't forget.

Librachick how is it going are you managing sleep better? do hope so.

My daughter birthday on 20th posted card horrid sick feeling of pain have try. Not to dwell on 5th year not seen her.

Life goes on and must try move on best we can. We out tonght Motown show.

to anyone hurting at moment.

celeb your busy social life is an inspiration, considering you have your work, too. I wish I had half your energy. I've just fished out my pedometer and will make myself move around more each day, instead of gravitating to my chair,

I heard some great news last night. My neighbour, who hasn't seen her son, DIL and 3 year old grandchild for nearly two years, came home from work to find them waiting in the car outside. As I was coming up my path with the dog, she waved to tell me her news. There's another baby on the way. A line being drawn under the past, no recriminations, and they've all agreed to try to give and take. So pleased for her.

What lovely news Whenim. I've personal knowledge of two reconciled families after estragements of some years. Forgivenessness and not dwelling on the past seem to be the key.

great news for your neighbour whenim64 it gives hope to us all...

i keep hoping and praying my younger daughter will get in touch one day..sad to say i have no idea where she is even after years of fruitless searches ...even her friends on facebook wont respond to me.... the not knowing she is ok is a killer !!!!!