cut out of thier lives 2

Thank you yet again girls for your kind words and insight
Dustyangel, how wonderful you have your son back after 10yrs!! I guess you must have thought you would never see him again, why do our children hurt us so?
Celebgran so sorry it didn't work out for you, you must have been so very disappointed. Your D being pregnant means she has all those lovely nesting hormones surging through her body, so maybe that would include her mum. Who knows, you may get a phone call yet, fingers crossed for you

As for me, didn't sleep last night, thought it would get a bit easier with the court out of the way. I've been telling people "well, that door is now closed, so I must get on with my life and just keep them in my heart" putting on a brave face, but I still seem to think of them almost every minute of the day, and strange dreams of them at night .

Yoga girl wish could meet up we have so much heartache in common .

My oh is going try go see daughter on his own but really my son think it is just her and way she turned out.

We still getting stuff out loft and the photos show what lovely childhood our daughter had so very impossible to understand.

She did this 2 years go we never seen that's baby or toddler now little girl our grand daughter never met! So she doing it again.

The pain all surges up to surface again.
Good thing if you have weird dreams I do think it helps keep us sane!

Just read dusty angel how lovely for you.

Yes a parents love is normally everlasting amid unconditional!

It is nearly two years since I saw my daughter and three of her children. For me, the pain has lessened - I know I have done nothing but good to them and now the injustice just makes me angry. I keep trying to make contact, sending loving cards , which get no response, and I will always be ready to forgive, if not to forget. I am not prepared to let their behaviour ruin the rest of my life, which is otherwise very good. I am very close emotionally to my eldest grand-daughter, who can see that her mother is just mentally ill, and also with my other daughter and her six children.
We have had some very encouraging stories on Gransnet, where estranged children have rejoined the family, and I can only send my hopes to all of you who are still in pain that something good will happen eventually.

Dear Yogagirl,
I'm so so very sorry to hear that the courts have left sense and justice behind in their ' attempt' to resolve issues. You have to know in these dark days that , invisible as we are, our support of you is strong and deafening !
You try to take it as easy as you can .
All the best wishes in the world !

Dear Celebgran ,
It is so awful ; my very real sympathy . It is time research was done to prove the beneficial affects on children who have strong relationships with grandparents . I work with children , and have begun to spot the similarities . Those that speak fondly of their GPs have a calm at their centre, so please , those in academia , inspire a psychology student to research. Meanwhile , Celebgran et al, every day brings hope , we just have to hunt for it .
All the very best wishes .

A very good post!

Thanks otw is so very hard we have no idea if she had baby even.

Dear Celebgran,
I know how hard it can be and have no answer for dealing with the pain,you have my very real sympathy; however putting every ounce of energy into living in the moment and forcing your thoughts into the real here and now ( with all of the exciting possibilities) is all you can do ! I started planting up my garden , nurturing and loving plants as I would have my DGD had I been seeing her (the result was stunning and somehow comforting) . You are so strong! :-)

Otw10413 I am sure your two thoughful and practical posts will help our friends who, like you, are experiencing such sorrow.

Otw thank you am trying to pm you but lost it!

Hello Girls
Thank you Otw and Celebgran we are all suffering the same heartbreak aren't we Hope your oh gets through to your D Celebran

I Wrote a great long bit on here yesterday, but deleted it, all about the injustice of the court hearing,after I was going to write to the Judge, but decided I have to leave that in the passed now and move on.
So why don't I feel better? why do I feel just as bad? why do I wake at 4am, thinking sadly of them and the only way I can get relief is to get up and make a cup of tea. I thought that when the court hearing was done with, I would feel better, what-ever the outcome, but I feel just as bad, just as heartbroken! suppose I was really banking on winning. The Judge in her wisdom thought it best to get rid of the doting biological nannie and leave my GC with a drug addict step-father and his alcoholic mother, both pathological liars and as cruel a family you could ever have the misfortune to meet!

When I first came on here and read stories of being parted for 7yrs,3yrs2yrs I thought 'How dreadful!' thinking I would be reunited before all that time had passed, but here I am now, nearing 1yr apart

Greatnan I'm very sad for you, being apart for 2yrs now. I feel opposite to you about sending loving cards though. I can't send any to my GC as I know they wouldn't get them, they would just go in the bin, torn into little pieces first. As for my D, she really doesn't deserve a lovely Birthday or Xmas card, after all her cruelty to me. My three children know well, that cards are the most important thing to me on special occasions, a beautiful card with 'mum' or 'nan' on, means the world to me, much more important to me than a present. I have always given really lovely cards to them, with special words printed inside and by me. So I feel if you, Greatnan, are still sending loving cards to your D, she is getting a dose of your love to keep her going for the next 6mnths or so, where as, I would have thought, to have that loving card missing on her Birthday and Xmas would make her miss you, and think of you, and who knows, maybe want to have her mum's love back in her life again! for you Greatnan

Yoga girl dont expect too much of yourself very early days my dear.

You sound. So like me sometimes I wake at night and yes feel so sad and upset we both going through very tough times. I kind of feel like I can't bear it when I wake up but realise there is nowhere to hide.

Something we cannot do anything abut except pray one day it will improve.

Thinking of you and we all here to support you. X x

Thank you Celebgran

Enjoy daughter you do have we have had lovely week with our son and family on beach and reminded how much he lives us it helps.

One day our children may regret their actions keep calm and don't feel bitter let it go and e njoy each day one day at time.

We still clearing loft ! hell some of memories.

God! feeling sooo bad today, my nice daughter was told by a friend that my little Laila's play school had a sports day, Jenni was there with her m.i.l.
(the cruel one,not Laila's real nannie), the pain of knowing that, when I was trying really hard to get on with my life and push the sadness down, has just brought all the pain back, almost as intense as when this all started.

Wonder what has happened with Nanban and sue... and the others, that used to be on here all the time? It would be nice to know.

Any luck Celebgran with your o.h having a 'chat' with your D?
I'm praying that my D doesn't fall pregnant with a second child by him, cos if that happens, I think I will never have a chance of seeing her and my GC again.

Oh yoga girl big hugs so damn hard for you.

One day you daughter will realise I hope and pray same with us.

Had difficult call with son he does notmwant to know and thinks we shouldn't either in some ways I believe he is right just not so easy in practice!

So he won't try go with oh to se his sister we are on our own in that!

Hello Celebgran
My nice daughter thinks the same as your son, but siblings don't feel the intense emotions as a mother for her child and grandchildren. I can't shake the immense sadness today, I'll have to go to bed to hide my sorrows there.
Still can't cry though, even though my heart is awash with unshed tears.

I hope your o.h gets a break-through with your daughter for you and your family

Your stories are so sad, and my sympathy goes to all who are deprived of the innocent love of their precious grandchildren. I cannot offer any advice, only good wishes

Thanks humming bird andnyogagirl mynsonnfeels I should stop sending to the 2 little granddaughters but I tried explain our oldest one who is now 5. We held her when only few hours old and love her so much she in in our hearts for ever! I have so many pictures of that short 9 months we were loving grandparents.

I think he means well and does not want us to be upset anymore.

It is not as simple as that.

Showed oh your post yoga girl it helps so much thank you

Morning girls
Thank you Hummingbird

Celebgran I will now not be sending any Birthday or Xmas cards to my D, and I hope that when she sees no birthday cards up this year, she will be sad and maybe think of me and her big sister (her oh doesn't believe in cards!) As for my precious GC, I have put all their birthday and Xmas presents and cards in a huge gift sack and have another for the next Birthday + Xmas cards, I wont buy any more presents though, but I will open a savings account, then each birthday and Xmas I'll put some money in for them,(hope it wont be too many cards in the gift sack
I know how you are feeling Celebgranwith bonding with your GD. My D came back to live with me, when she was first pregnant with Laila, we chose her name together, her middle and last names are my first and surname, I was at Laila's birth. They both lived with me for 6mnths, during which time I held Laila in my arms constantly, then her now husband arrived in our lives and they got a bungalow together, I saw them at least twice per week and spoke on the phone every day to both Laila and my D, so a very strong bond there. I was also at Jack's birth and bonded with him too. From that to total silence and separation for no reason, other then spiteful jealousy.

footnote:
My GC last Xmas and Birthday cards; I bought two the same, one I sent to them, which I know they were not even shown the front of, and the other has been put in the gift sack, for them to open and see that I was always thinking of them and sending them my love.

Dear all,
I haven't dared say anything , but following many photos sent to me, and e-mails galore and texts , I have finally chatted with my DD and one month later I have seen both my D and GD via the computer link.

I hardly dare admit it to myself , but it is almost impossible to describe the feeling this has brought . But , I can now never forget the emotional turmoil being cut out of lives brought to me and sadly to so many of us. I realise that I am very very lucky, I am nervous about everything I say but my DD seems so much happier in herself (which is great to see) that I am gradually allowing hope to overcome my fears .

I can never take a second for granted and to all of you out there, i know it's really hard, but you have to live your life to the full for those grand-children and children you love. I think of you all every time I hear from them and honestly, I'm with you in spirit.
It was only a matter of months for me so, in truth, it was a blip , but it showed me a depth of suffering I would never have imagined and will guard against for the rest of my life. Your support was life-changing. Thank you !

Otw, that is such good news and gives hope to all of us.