Reducing contact with Grandmother

He is encouraging this, though probably not intentionally. it is very nice for him to have his mum downstairs looking after him like a small boy and you upstairs to play at mothers and fathers with.

At some point he will have to decide whether he is grown up or not.

Or be told he's a grown-up and that grown-ups get their own breakfast. He should make his own sandwiches too. What a baby!

Move out! Preferably all three of you.

.OK your DH could make his own brekkie but all the other things you quote 2 snd 3 wistill be the case when you 3 live on your own and it's what most working mums cope with. You still haven't said what rent you are paying. You can't have ot both ways of you are enjoying rent free accommodation. What is your arrangement re food and bills too? It seems to be deeper than access to DGD. As everyone is saying,
move out to your own place and start being a grown up family.

that had not occurred to me , soustra but there is a lot of merit in your question !

I would also ask "is the saving to buy a house" project realistic with only one income - in most parts of the country you would really struggle to save or get a mortgage at only 27 unless your DH is very well paid.
Have you been through the figures and maybe done a reality check of your own? And how is the saving going?

Has anyone seen the news that Vanessa Feltz has become a Granmother for the first time and WANTS TO BREASTFEED. Am I the only one who finds this so wrong?

Frankly, it makes me feel quite ill - and it is appallingly wrong. She is trying to do exactly what Veevox's MiL is doing.

Does the mother not want to do the breastfeeding herself? Or can't? Breast milk is the best option for babies as we all know. Guess the baby would n't mind who it comes from.

How would she get milk going though?

Is it much different from donating blood?

You can breastfeed without giving birth but why on earth a grandma would want to do this, heaven knows!

It's not a life-threatening situation if a baby doesn't have breast milk.

I can't believe she's serious, just maybe over-excited and attention-seeking.

Vanessa Feltz attention seeking; Surely this cannot be !

veexox I get the impression from your posts that you feel you MIL has great love for your child and great love for your husband.

However, you don't seem at all sure how much affection she holds for you.

That must be hard for you.

Just a remark made in excitement

She would need lots of extra hormones to do it! Probably just a bit of an exaggeration of how much she wants to bond with the babe.

Who is Vanessa Feltz?

I completely agree with Jingle's first two posts. Get your own place and then come to an arrangement with Granny when she can be part of her grandaughter's life. Granny is as besotted with your DD as you are.. I know from experience the first time I held my DGD, she completely captured my heart and DD did not have an easy time as I initially offered all sorts of advice, mainly to make things easier for DD but I eventually realised DD was learning and nurturing her own baby as I wanted to do when she was born. It's a new role for everyone. Good luck.

celeb bags

Dunno about wanting to breastfeed my first grandson but he was so gorgeous I wanted to eat him.

It is realistic OH has 20 thousand in savings and we pay the family 400 a month they don't have a mortgage and both MIL & FIL work. I moved out when I was 16 and I have been in care so I fully well know how to look after myself without having someone doing everything for me. I dont feel included in her family MIL tells everyone that my daughter looks like her dad & her nothing like me but she has my skintone but her's will be better whatever that means she asked me in front of the whole family "why are your stretchmarks so bad?" I've caught her telling my daughter that she's lucky she looks like her and daddy not mummy and that grandma should look after her all the time. She's just not a nice woman I've tried talking to her, I think I'm just going to be civil well OH had a job interview for a job paying 15k more and 2 hours drive from MIL I think I will be telling him to take it!!

I don't know where you live and amn not going to pry but as jessM says have you done your sums? £400 a month should cover rent for a small flat but if you are buying in the SE you will need all of that 2OK! Given how bad you feel about it all I am surprised you are still there!

Sounds like a safe(r) distance to me.

re older women breastfeeding - I think I've written before about our 2nd son and his wife living in India and adopting because she can't have children.
She managed, in late 40s, to breast feed the last baby they adopted. I was there and saw it.
She followed advice on the internet about stimulation of the milk-producing glands.

I think you need to be more assertive, veexox

As I understand it, when you talk to your MIL you are saying two things.
Namely
1. I'm so pleased my dd has a loving grandmother.
2. Could you butt out a bit day to day.
The problem is that all of us tend to only hear what we want to.
Your MIL hears the first and ignores, downgrades, minimises, the second.
We all do this - conversations are complex and nuanced, but we like to take away a simple message, and if possible a message that pleases us !

I feel that unless you start being more direct and blunt in both your words and actions, she will never change.
I don't think this is being unkind. If she doesn't change then further down the line, it's possible you will just crack and go no contact with her.
And then, she will be aghast and hurt and will genuinely say
what did I do wrong
All because she didn't hear the second part of your message. . .

TriciaF that sounds great.

I think I was being optimistic about £400 covering rent for a month so ignore that - senior moment., I imagine double would be nearer the truth. The distance sounds fine, but how would that impact your university studies?

Two hours away sounds about right - hope he gets the job. You will then reduce the contact with grandmother to an amount that feels a bit healthier for all concerned.