On Christmas Day I will......

Come on, though, own up - which of us is OldMona?

For the benefit of those who aren't or can't go over to the other side:

When someone suggested that the grandson who wouldn't/couldn't give up his bed might be autistic, OldMona's answer was:

Ooh, I don't think Shirley even thought of that Inertia. Her grandson is 18 so she's known him a long time, but of course he could have SNs she hasn't been told about. I will suggest that she tries to tactfully find out, without looking like an interfering cow poking her nose into things that don't concern her.

daren't not aren't - ruddy auto correct.

I think OldMona is Northern. ("pet")

I now live with my best friend. My children now tell everyone I am dead, which took me a long time to get over, now I amuse myself with what I shall say when their father pops his clogs and they come begging at my door! Our Christmas will be at a local pub where they put on a wonderful lunch for those with no home to go to - then we'll hit the port! We buy each other (mostly silly) things all year round, so don't bother at Christmas

miep if your children tell everyone you are dead. ( How awful ) Then it might be time for some haunting!

Years after my parents divorced and my maternal grandmother had died, my paternal grandmother rang my mother and said " hello, it's Mum!"

The reaction was as you would expect! Granny had been genuinely phoning, after years of non contact, in good grace!

x

Thank you for posting this. It's made me feel ashamed. I was feeling bad because our daughter, a police officer, has to work on Christmas day. Our son and family have invited us to their house for the day, but he said yesterday they are thinking of going on holiday instead. I was thinking oh poor DH and I, all left out at Christmas. Instead I should be counting my blessings that I have a lovely man to share the day with.

This christmas, if all goes well, I will have my first (ofmany) in a new country. As we are renting and not knowing where the house is we will have a delayed Yule. As the nearest beach is only 20 minutes hope to have a winter picnic on the silver coast in Portugal.

This all makes for very sad reading, both those stories about people alone at Christmas and those which deal with others who have to cater for ungrateful and critical relatives. The John Lewis Christmas ad is a brilliant metaphor for those who are lonely at a very sociable time. In my case my sister will be bringing my 84 year old mother down to spend the time with us and I am glad that she will not be alone. However, I know she will be sporadically difficult and rude, drink too much and complain about anything on TV that is not 'Eastenders'. Still, my lovely grown up children and my dear OH will jolly everything along and I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel lucky and blessed to have others at Christmas.

To the lady who started this thread, could you not get together with some others who are in the same boat?

I am definitely spoilt at Christmas. One of my daughters who is an excellent cook always invites my husband and I (I sound a bit like the Queen) over to hers for the Christmas period. We usually go over for about 5 days and stay in a hotel as daughter doesn't have enough room. She enjoys cooking a big meal for all of the family (usually about 10-12 of us) and we have a great time. This year we are going to my grandaughter's flat in Leeds which is a lot bigger and doing the same thing. On Boxing Day it is a tradition for us 'girls' to go shopping in Leeds (especially going to the sale at Lush) and lunch is on me to say thanks. Last year my great-grandaughter (aged 3 yrs) joined us in the Boxing Day lunch and we had a great time. I always look forward to Christmas and feel really sorry for people who have to spend it on their own. Where we live in Lancashire, one of the local churches arranges a Christmas Day lunch and a party for anyone living on their own and asks people to let them know of anyone in this situation. Volunteers collect the people from their homes and take them back again afterwards.

It must be rubbish to be alone on xmas day if you feel sad and down. Last year was first I did it - my dd and family are in a Japan and ds and family in Ireland - I used to go to Ireland but now with 3 wee ones and house bursting there is no room at inn with the Xmas tree up and pressies around:-) and they live in rural part so no hotel/b and b's. I think maybe it helps that I have been divorced for twenty years and am an only child with no relatives , think it makes you very resilient and determined not to be a victim. I put on my pjs in the morning and had a grazey, lazy day with a box dvd set. My advice would be don't switch on the tv and listen to all the family xmas stuff and carols etc, then you will be in tears. Good luck x

I'm so sad to hear you describe your day and its one I fear for my future. I have been incredibly lucky to have one daughter or the other spend Christmas with us with their families for the last 35 years. Sometimes both - delightful chaos. But now the grandchildren are getting older one daughter and her family prefer to stay home Christmas day . AND I totally get it - the children don't want to leave their newly arrived toys and to bring them all would be even more chaos. But they have always come to us Boxing Day instead.

My younger daughter and her family have still been coming to us every year on Christmas day as my DSILs Mum doesn't make them very welcome but this year it did for a time look like they would both be elsewhere .

I had a long discussion with my lovely husband who assured me we would have a fabulous time and i think he was really surprised to hear me say that no matter what we did without the kids and grand-kids it just wouldn't be a day that made me happy. No amount of lovely food or gifts can make up for having a table full of loved ones to share it with.

So I totally get where you're coming from.

The thing that surprises me is that neither daughter thought to invite us to their house for lunch and presents.

It seems we've done too good a job giving them Christmas for the last 35 years. They didn't even think about us but when we said - we think we'll go to Florida for the Christmas and New Year instead of sitting at home and feeling sorry for ourselves , both girls asked us' What about the kids ?'

As it is - we will have a house full on both days so I have lots to be grateful for.

My future plan for the day when it is either just hubby and me or god forbid just me - I'm going to get out and do something else. A holiday ( I don't mind going alone :-) ) , walk the dog, avoid Christmas TV, visit other family , volunteer , find some people in the same position as me and invite them to my house . Im not sure what my Christmas Day would look like but I have lots to be grateful for - I just need to keep reminding myself of that !

I hope you find a way to make your Christmas at least bearable if not joyous xxx

My DS1 has just told me that I am not going to stay with him this Xmas as I dared to complain about sleeping on a 2seater sofa. I am gutted that I won't be seeing him, my almost-dil and only DGS. They live 200 miles away. My other DS is working (for the first time ) on X mas day but he was never a Xmas person anyway. So I'll put up the decorations and tree, buy something special for lunch and watch box sets all day in my pjs. hugs

Tell him you'll take your own air bed.

Do you know Christmas Day can be a right disappointment after all the hype, sorry just having bit grump.

Sorry for all GN who will be alone.

For the past few years I've been on my own at Christmas. I didn't mind as I love my own company and I follow the same Christmas day pattern as I used to.

For several years one of my friends who was on her own and I "teamed up" and spent Christmas together but then her daughter moved in after her marriage broke up and that was that.

I didn't mind as, when I was on my own, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted and had no arguments about what to eat, what to watch on the tele.

This year I've got a house full - my daughter and her two daughters moved in with me in May when she left her husband. So I've got a busy Christmas day.

I love Christmas and the decorations go up around 12 December and don't come down until 5 January. There are all sorts of baking and making [I make my own sweets - the granddaughters love to help].

I've never felt alone when spending Christmas day on my own - maybe it's because I love Christmas and it doesn't matter if my family are here or not.

I'm sorry if people are on their own and not liking it - I hope they will find some way of having a good Christmas in their own way.

May I be the first to wish everyone a Merry Christmas!!

You don't have to stay with DC, a room in a hotel won't break the bank for one night surely.
I take my family out for Christmas lunch and then we go back to DS's house so that GC can play with their toys. I prepare and take a complete buffet meal with me, I even include paper plates and throw away platters. When DIL only has a couple of days off work I would not expect her to spend Christmas day in the kitchen.
If my family said they wanted to spend Christmas elsewhere that would be fine with me too, I don't need to live in their pockets.

Well after expecting the usual "non event" type of Christmas we've had in recent years, I've just heard that my eldest son is coming home for a visit from down under, and will be with us for Christmas. First time in 6 years, so I will really make the most of it. Not seen him for 4 years. Must find his stocking! Other son will come Boxing Day as works as paramedic on Christmas Day.

I truly do feel for all those alone, could be any of us at some point. Hope you all manage to work out a OK way to get through it. Too early for holly!

My mother couldn't bear a quiet Christmas and always invited in 'waifs and strays' to share the day with us. One Christmas Day, when I was a teenager, it was clear that there would just be three of us at the table so she contacted age concern and 'adopted' a couple for Christmas who's family lived abroad and felt alone in the festive season. We all had a great time and it was excellent role modelling for me. Now I'm a grandmother my family moan that im just the same.
I think that it does no harm to reach out.

It is going to be the first Christmas in 35 years without my beloved DH who died in May. I had planned to hide under the duvet all day until it passed, but as ex-son in law is coming over from the States to spend time with DGD, I shall have to make an effort for him.

I wish I could have all the lonely gransnetters join us - if anyone fancies a holiday in Malta, you would be more than welcome on Christmas Day

I'll be getting up early to go to my church. The city have said in previous years that there will be no buses but drivers will still be fined for overstaying two hour parking. That's English Christmas Spirit!

Two years ago I went to the Salvation Army Christmas dinner. Last year to something similar at a community centre. I don't know what's available this year yet. After that I will go home and chat online to friends and contacts who are also alone.

I'm OK with this, but I do sometimes think of my children who are ignoring me.

I'll be "all at sea""

For all those who can afford to go away on holiday at that time of year,obviously it makes life pleasanter and easier,but a lot of older people do not have enough savings to do that ,and where money is tight, life becomes restricting.

Blimey! My OP certainly has taken off in a direction I wasn't expecting . What a fascinating uplifting, sad, amusing, heartbreaking but mainly supportive hotchpotch of views there has been (including those from 'the Other Side'). So much support has been given for those of us that will be on their own, from those that will be surrounded by loved ones (but are not necessarily happier, and still possibly alone).

My emotion on writing the post was a positive one. No one needs to sit in the corner looking at the rain and feeling lonely, because there is escape offered in virally getting together - sharing our resources and having a bloody bloomin' good bellyaching Ho-Ho-Holiday!

Yes, and a lot of ( real) mince pies! Yum.