Hurt and feeling unappreciated

Thank you ladies, very wise words - apart from youngatheart - what the heck are you on about??!

I guess Mother’s Day just made me realise how unappreciated I am; I am certainly taking the advice on here about be a little less giving and not quite so quick to spend my hard earned cash on treats for them all for example, meals out, baby equipment, duty free makeup (DIL)!, baby toys, clothes, work related expense (DS) and groceries.

Youngatheart, where does your theory come from? I’ve never heard of a GM expecting any sort of card from a baby.

I understand you being hurt Emm but the family have a lot going on with the new baby, don't let this small thing spoil your relationship. I think you feel resentful about all your gifts and help being unappreciated and it has focussed on Mother's Day. As its not usual for them to send a card or gift then perhaps you need to talk about this and maybe slow down with the 'over giving ' .

What a strange thing to think Youngatheart ???

Sons are all different, it isn’t that all men forget about their Mothers once they are married and have children.
It’s their characters, daughters can be just as loving ( or as thoughtless) as sons.Mine always remember Mothers Day with a card and a gift, and totally unprompted too.Same with birthdays and Christmas.
Emm stop over giving! Be generous with your time( if you can) and always be helpful to them but cut out gifts and money.

To be honest I get the feeling the crux of the ill feeling here is that you didn’t get a card from your grandchild.

OFCOURSE you didn’t! You aren’t the mother! You are only a grandmother and you are not unique, there are two or more of you and you are as related to the child as much as you son or daughters siblings, who I assume don’t throw a fit over not getting a Mother’s day card.

Maybe they should just change it to being a grandparent, take away the mother/father part...you don’t play that role, nor will you if the family is stable, you are just another part of a big extended family.

Get over your jealousy and just enjoy your relationship.

I have five sons and no daughters. This year I got 2 mothers day cards. My youngest son always remembers. One son was living with us and doesn't really believe in sending cards but my DH persuaded him that I like cards so he managed a card and a box of chocs. The other 3 sons were away travelling and my DH e mailed them to tell them it was Mothers Day so I got the odd text from them. Even when they are all in the UK I don't do very well. I envy friends with girls who make a big fuss. I do feel hurt. I feel I have tried to be a good and conscientious mum and it is upsetting. I just think most lads just don't get it. My youngest is the exception in our bunch. I don't expect a lot. A box of Maltesers would delight me!! So Emm I do understand but do continue to be loving and giving and a great example to your kids. Enjoy your daughter's card and present and be grateful you haven't only got sons!!

...but he texted her HappyMothers Day he didn’t forget and the poster said he’s not sent cards for years, I don’t understand what she was expecting Or why it was more disappointing than other years
Does dad get a card in Father’s Day ?

Same as everyone else has said, it isn't nice of him but remember your DIL has a baby, it's her first mother's Day and she has her own mum, don't blame her for your son forgetting to call.

I would just echo the posts from others, and say try not to let it get to you too much. Look at the bigger picture, is your son grateful, loving, appreciate and caring towards you in other ways? If he is the try to see this as what it is, just another day.

I also would urge you not to make this about your dil, she is not selfish, you are not her mother, it is not her responsibility. I often see this double standard, we expect much more from our dils than we would our sons. Do you expect your son to wish dil’s mother a happy Mother’s Day? Or would you think dils mother was being unreasonable if she was on a forum calling your son selfish for not?

What about your dils first mother’s day? Have you acknowledged that with her? She is the mother of your grandchild now, send her a text to acknowledge that this is now a special day for her too.

Oh I wouldn’t like that Ilovecheese that’s a very passive/aggressive way of doing things
Just stop expecting a man to remember cards if it wasn’t for my daughter in law I doubt my son would go out and buy me a card for anything I know she knows my taste and I know her writing ?it doesn’t mean my son doesn’t love me

Although I know a few men will prove me wrong and be great card givers the majority of men put no thought about cards at all it’s beyond them why woman count love in cards and it is me really Your son sent you a text greeting you’re a lucky lady how many people on here don’t even hear from their sons from one year to the next be happy and forget these silly commercial days

Brilliant!

If it is not too late, phone your daughter in law now and say something like "I just thought I'd ring you in case that thoughtless son of mine has forgotten mothers day for you too!"

Be glad that you've got relatives and let someone else be center stage for once.

Don’t let it spoil your relationship with them. As others have said it’s just a commercial day,
By the way, your Son sent a greeting, you are his Mother not your DILs. My daughters only sign Mother’s Day cards with their own name and not SILs. I wouldn’t expect it. I am not their Mum although we haygood relationships.

just be happy for them and forget about your hurt feelings.

If they are appreciative and loving towards you, in general, what's the problem?
It would be very unreasonable to complain, or to change your attitude to them.

I can understand why you are feeling hurt about the situation and the lack of effort by your DS.

What I really don't understand is why you appear to be blaming your DIL. It seems rather unreasonable when this is your DS's responsibility. DIL presumably has her own mother and has a new baby. You complain about DIL not calling you - but have you called her on her first Mother's Day?

I don't think you are being unreasonable in feeling hurt.
You've done so much for them, but even if you hadn't
it doesn't take much effort to remember you with a card or some little gift. I wonder how they will feel if their child treats them like that when it grows up.
Commercialism or not, it hurts to be left out, doesn't it.
Nevertheless, keep being kind to them, and remember your DIL on her special days, then hopefully your example will one day rub off on them.

I think it’s really sad ? that he can’t even pick up the phone to say ‘happy mother’s day’ to his Mum. I know it’s not uncommon especially with boys, but that doesn’t make it any less hurtful.

What’s the old saying? “ A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for life”. I suspect there is some truth in that.

Try not to dwell on it Emm it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, I like to think if you ever needed him he’d be there for you.

It does seem to have turned into yet another commercial bonanza for the greetings card and florist industry. Even the fact that 'Mothering Sunday' seems to have become dislodged from the old date to suit different countries underlines this.
If you want to help your family then do so. You might receive thanks in unexpected ways and at times that don't just fit in with commercially pushed dates and will be all the nicer for it.

Yes, I do think your son is thoughtless, but you’re not going to change him now. Just accept that and take pleasure from your daughter’s gift.

And perhaps be a little less free with your time and money.

If they have recently had a baby then this will be DIL's very first Mother's Day.
My first thought too and I wondered if you had telephoned your DIL to wish her a happy First Mother's Day.

I've had phone calls today too - and remembered in time to wish one of my DD a Happy Mother's Day!

If they have their own family, I would expect them to spend Mother’s Day with their partner and DC. I can’t imagine requesting them to come and visit me, unless they lived very nearby and spent a short while visiting perhaps.
FaceTime works well for these occasions.

I often wonder if any of my 3 sons would ever remember me on Mother's Day if I didn't actually ask that they come over and cook a meal for me on the day, and spend time with me! I'm not putting it to the test, I love being with them, and it's all I want. It's all I want from my granddaughter too - I will give any of them anything. All I want from them is their company. Occasionally they surprise me and these are special moments. I miss them all living with me and treasure all the times we get to spend together, however short. Perhaps daughters are generally more thoughtful about their mothers, I wouldn't know - but if my sister in law is anything to go by, daughters ( my nieces) can be very cruel, not just thoughtless. I make it known that my greatest pleasure in life is to be with my sons and my granddaughter - gifts and cards do not matter much. In fact, they are often the things that replace time spent with loved ones, as a sort of 'guilt offering' and I don't want any of that - just their company.

It's just a day like any other - the fact that commercialism has taken over and dedicated this day to get people to buy, buy, buy is neither here nor there.

If he has a 6 month old and is a new father, his mind will be elsewhere. Don't take it personally - just enjoy being grandma.

We are too old to be getting in a fret about these things.