AIBU to feel a little bit hurt?

I don't want to make you feel worse, but I would be a bit hurt too. It's not a huge thing, (so often, men just don't think) but you wouldn't want him to make a habit of it. Maybe it would be worth mentioning to him how it made you feel.

My 2p worth FWIW Sounds like your life is really busy during the week which doesn't include your husband? Maybe he is exercising a bit of tit for tat?

BUT I understand you somewhat....its communication isn't it? If he told you he was going visiting his daughter this weekend, you would have been happy to arrange things for yourself?

Just ask yourself: Do YOU keep him posted at all times with what you are doing? If not, then maybe he needs more communication from you. If you do; then maybe he just didn't think! You sound so self sufficient he perhaps hadn't thought it would be a problem?

I say this at work all the time ....COMMUNICATION is the key - stops any misunderstandings or people feeling left out etc.

I think 10 days is sufficient notice if it is for a genuine visit to close family. My family would generally not make visit plans further ahead than that unless they lived a fair distance and were coming to stay for more than a night.

I am the one who communicates, Bluegal!

DH is quite happy with his routines and mine. we are both quite busy but we reserve time together too. This weekend is out of our normal pattern.

Unfortunately for me, the hot weather has put paid to some of my plans. Better to stay in and keep cool than go out for the sake of it and fry and feel ill.( see the thread on disliking the heat).

...He usually goes during the week when I am busy with my voluntary work and other commitments...

...Now it is the weekend and I have nothing particular on. If I had had a bit more notice, I might have arranged something, a weekend away

Cabbie,

I would feel hurt if my H was deliberately avoiding me. It doesn't sound like that's what's happening here, It's likely he's just assumed you had better things to do on a weekend.

If DH had known ahead of time that you wanted to go away with him for the weekend, he likely would have been happy to plan that getaway with you.

Going forward, discuss your weekends together, preemptively. Don't presume the other is a mind reader!

Maybe you guys need to spend more time talking to each other more. Communication is everything!

Bluebelle I see nothing wrong in your partner asking if you mind him going off for the weekend if you are both usually at home together.

From some responses on this thread there would seem to be very little trust amongst couples.
Relate, private detectives etc all because a husband was a bit thought less in not sharing his plans.
Or am I being naive ?

Some posters seem to be reading a lot into this, from very flimsy clues.
If you normally do things together at the weekend, it could be a little hurtful that he's decided to take himself off and has shown no interest in what you'll be doing.
I hope you're enjoying the peace and quiet anyway.

BUT he didn't just take himself off he gave her 10 days notice,surely if it was an issue she could have spoken to him about it .As she didn't he thought she was OK with it

He gavc her notice. Hd didnt discuss. She on the other hand passed up a possible trip because it was on a weekend. She should have pointed this out to hin though. There's definitely a communication problem.

Definitely is a strong word.

I would be upset if my husband just up and left me alone for a whole weekend but if as you say you are happy on your own then I don't see the problem, so yes YABU, just a little bit. Have a lovely weekend though

mumofmadboys it definitely is!?

Maddy he didn’t just up and leave her she knew for ten days the big fuss is because he didn’t ask her what she was going to be doing while he was away oh my word what a storm in a thimble
It s a long standing arrangement that everyone is happy with except he changed the days and didn’t inform Cabbie in enough time for her comfort now everyone on here is making him out to be some bad husband with an ulterias motive, hung drawn and quartered
Poor bloke

Cabbie, I know that feeling...things ought to be fine but they don't " feel " quite right.

I guess maybe pay attention to that feeling, its probably important.
I think where he is going is significant too.

Are we missing something here BlueBelle ? I agree with you but seems we are in the minority. I often forget to mention an arrangement to my husband but I am definitely not having rampant sex elsewhere.

Cabbie didn't say she wanted to go with her husband.
She just wanted him to show interest in what she would be doing while he was away.

In fairness, you're married, not joined at the hip! I would be glad he has things he does on his own - I well remember my mother saying, when she retired after my father, he wanted to do everything with her, and she found it really claustrophobic!

Perhaps he wants you to miss, you say when you are busy doing your own thing time flies. You say you scarcely notice his absence , so you just want him around when it suits you do you? You even say if he had told you, you would have organised to do something, perhaps a little reflection & self analysing could be in order!

I still think, after reading all the other responses, that this behaviour is unusual, but not unusual in high functioning Aspergers. Now I’m not a doctor, but I do know a fair bit about Aspergers, and this lack of seeing a need to tell his closest relative, his wife, what he was going to be doing, sounds very, very much like the behaviour of a high functioning Aspergers. The facts are, he didn’t see a need to consider his wife’s feelings, or what she might be doing during the time he usually spends with her. He didn’t see a need! She also says he’s quiet, and gets on with his own activities during the week. Come on ladies, if he doesn’t see a need to inform her until it’s already arranged, and has shown nil interest in what she might be doing whilst he’s away, that it not usual.

Maddyone, I think you may be right.

In a way I hope I’m not right Cabbie, but if I were you, I’d read up on the internet about high functioning Aspergers, and see if you think any of his other behaviours fit, then if they do, then read up a bit on the best way to manage your relationship. There’s a lot out there on the internet, and even if he’s not Aspergers, some of the suggestions may help you with your/his communication difficulties.
Good luck

maddyone this lack of seeing a need to tell his closest relative, his wife, what he was going to be doing, sounds very, very much like the behaviour of a high functioning Aspergers.
But he did tell her what he was going to be doing.
What he didn’t do was ask what she was doing.
Not the same at all and hardly the basis for a diagnosis of Asperger’s.
Just normal man-behaviour in my experience.

Things are getting worse, not just playing away but diagnosed with autism as well.
All because he was a bit thoughtless.

I have read up a few articles and whilst there are certain traits, and I know there is no “one size fits all” description, I do not think Aspergers is the answer.
Just “ normal man- behaviour” as Janeainsworth suggests.
None of the other weird ideas some of you have come up with, thank you.
Thanks to those who have been supportive. I had no idea this would raise so many responses.
Since his return he has neither told me anything about his trip ( as is usual) nor asked me about my weekend. We have talked quite a lot about other things though, for what it is worth.
My weekend? Pluses and minuses.
Eat what and when I want, do what I like without reference to anyone else.
Control of the remote control.
The heat did stop me doing some of what I wanted on Saturday as it was just too hot so I got a bit bored, but that would have happened anyway.
I did go to my daughter's for tea on Friday and went out for the day on Sunday.

End of my input on this one.