To feel just a little bit miffed.....

I may have missed this if said before but it's not unreasonable to ask for fuel money. I don't drive but if I go anywhere with my friend we always share fuel. Maybe work out an average over a month and ask her for that.

That phrase, "she never learned"...it's such a copout, isn't it. In a perfect world they would decide to learn, since DH cannot serve as their chauffeur any more. But they don't, they just swan along expecting someone else to take the role.

I know several women like this, cheerfully taking advantage of others who have bothered to learn to drive. I'd say, stop making yourself so available. You don't have to step into the chauffeur's role just because she can't be bothered to learn this skill.

Jenpax...brilliant

Mawbroon, maybe your friend wax,s lyricle about you when you are not there?

I think muffinthemoo has probably hit it on the head. This person probably IS telling the other lady how wonderful you are and setting up a sort of competition between you. It is not a very nice person who takes advantage of both of you in this way.

I hope you do what others have suggested - make yourself much less available and hopefully this person will get the message. If the other lady continues being used like this, that's up to her.

Could she use the bus to get there, meet up together and you bring her back?
This would allow you some measure of freedom beforehand.
I think you should have your coffee and danish in Waitrose as this is part of your routine and the friend in question will have to -willing offer to pay for this for you- allow for this.
After all, the friend is presumably joining your shopping trip.

Your mention of Bedford brought back some memories, I spent some years living in Ampthill, essential was a weekly visit to Bedford for the shops and market. I see they have a Waitrose in Ampthill now.

willingly*

I wonder if you look anything like “your” pic on Facebook, Maw?

Legs55 Most people who are reasonably well off are tight with money, that's why they have plenty whilst those of us less well off are generous with our time

What an unpleasant remark.
I am reasonably well off.
I am not tight with money, and being tight with money is not the reason that I have enough to live comfortably in retirement.

The reasons are :
1. I was taught not to be extravagant.
2. I had the benefit of a good education, for which I have always been grateful.
3. Apart from a few years when I was a stay-at-home mother, I worked hard in what was often a stressful job.
4. I went without things in my working life so I could pay into a private pension.
5. MrA and I have managed to stay married for 48 years and thus avoid the financial fallout of divorce.

So don’t accuse me of being tight, just because I am reasonably well off.
I am sure there are many other gransnetters whose circumstances are similar to mine.

And if you think I’m smug, then I’m sorry, not sorry.

She may well be waxing lyrical about you to the 'other' friend, innocently? playing you off against each other.
If I were you, I'd make a note of the day, the destination and mileage you cover plus anything else you do for her and her husband (pushing shopping cart, unloading shopping etc). Do this every single time and, if things get to a point where she praises the other 'friend' but never gifts you anything such as coffee, lunch or petrol, just send a note detailing all the help you've freely given over the months.
Sounds as if she takes you for granted. I'd be unavailable for a while but point out that you're sure her other friend will be happy to oblige.
That should sort it.
BTW...have you spoken to the other friend? Why not have a subtle conversation with her to see if she gets the same treatment as you?

The idea of what 'well off' means, varies widely.

gmelon
If either person is a regular in Waitrose and has a 'MyWaitrose' card, then the drink and pastry are free.

It is a universal truth that as soon as one gives up a car one totally forgets how much they cost. Not only petrol but all the other bits and pieces.
Perhaps it’s time for some car stickers along the lines of.. This vehicles costsxxx per mile to run, the chauffeur likes red ?.

Over on Mumsnet there is a useful acronym which might be relevant here, it is CF. If you are easily offended, don't look it up.

gabriellag
wow- pastries as well. Yum.

I knew there was coffee available with the card, I've witnessed many nasty and aggressive rants aimed at the Waitrose staff when the machine is out of order or cups run out.
I cannot abide coffee but quite fond of anything cake related.
mmmm cake.

ha ha lilyflower
I know well what this means.
Cheeky F**k*r
For those fainthearted amongst us we can rename it

Cheeky Fellow.

You are a kind,wonderful friend,but friendship should be a two way street------most of us in our lives have been taken advantage of ,as we get older we must spend our time wisely,sounds like you should enjoy time with the other lady who drives she sounds lovely ?

You are not being selfish at all, what seems to have happened is that things have built up from one thing to another. If you don't want to back off completely I would just do the Literature trip which you are doing anyway and back right off the shopping, why should you do without your coffee and cake. As the Drs. trips are sort of one offs surely you don't have to be available every time, you could have a chat with the other friend to see how she is feeling you are not a social service. There are often volunteer drivers who will do hospital and doctor trips and she could look into this. Take care of yourself.

My rule is ...I will only offer a lift if I was going that way anyway and my passengers leave when I want to and pay the parking. If it's a special one off I will do it to help out close friends but I won't be taken advantage of on a weekly basis. People make a financial choice whether to run a car or not and it shouldn't be seen as a free taxi service for others.

You are the other extreme quizqueen.

Perhaps ask yourself, was her friendship worthwhile before she needed lifts. If she has been a good friend to you, one who is a good person, then I would overlook this flaw in her character.

I wonder if your friend is trying to hang on to a normal life as long a possible. Maybe a bit of sticking her head in the sand before her husband gets worse. You may be playing a key part in kindly helping her to come to terms with her new position.

I also noticed that you are doing an awful lot yet state that the the other friend does more, how often does she need to go out?
More than most people by the sound of it, considering they have no transport.

Maw It sounds as though your friend is playing both ends against the middle - possibly inadvertently?

I'm surprised and rather shocked that GNHQ have put this in Discussions of the Day under Resentment - dependent friend You don't come across as resentful at all, I think it's a very poor choice of words from them. So there!!

I agree, I had not seen GNHQ’s (mis) interpretation of my original post.
Ah well.

Don't let the truth get in the way of a good story headline, eh?!!

Tell your friend you are sorry you will be unable to take her shopping on Friday but offer her a lift on Wednesday (your shopping day) if that doesn't suit her- tough. We need to be kind but not taken for granted.