tell me I'm not BU

Todays children in general (not all) are much more self centred and unattached to their loving parents than we were.

The worrying thing is - we were the ones that brought them up!

Mine all live a long way away and they sometimes phone us, we sometimes phone them, we skype every week at the same time with the American contingent. All visits are agreed in advance - detailed arrangements are usually made with the DiLs.

We don't make a big thing of it and are happy with what we get.

Really, I don't actually think that is true; to me, the difference is that in the past, families tended to live closer together - if not actually together - and therefore close ties persisted.

In my experience and with friends too todays children (generally speaking of course- not all) are, sad to say, very self centred. Many of my friends cannot see our children caring at all about "shoving" us into a care home.

This is not my experience. I don't think you can generalise.

I have a few thoughts on this. Julia, you sound lie a lovely person, kind thoughtful and trying to make the best of things.

I wonder if you could explore some of this feeling of loss with a counsellor? Because to me it is a loss.

Your son sounds busy, successful and preoccupied.

Texting is hopeless apart from making the most basic of arrangements.

Be brave, very brave and talk to him. Tell him you miss him, you are struggling, can you work something out.

Whats " the rest" of your life like?

Mothers are precious, to be cherished always.

Not all of them are.

As you say your mother is so demanding are they worried that you might become like her? Do you text them with news of your day to day life, or just when you want to see them? A bit of light hearted chat might make them more forthcoming.

Pollyperkins My three long term best friends, are all very caring mothers who are also very generous to their daughters and they are treated very shabbily by them. My children are sometimes neglectful and make me feel unappreciated.. And believe me we none of us are oversensitive or asking a lot.

I'mm very sorry to hear it. This is your experience but not mine. Not only do we have a good relationship with our children and their spouses but so do most of our friends and relations. I do know one perso who has a son who has gone CO though. As I said , generalisations ard not always accurate.

An ageing mother has diminished power in the family unless she perhaps holds purse strings. Same goes for an ageing father. In our society the old are not venerated.

Affection is often undiminished for an ageing parent however the fact remains that the new younger family is more important to the son or daughter and takes up a lot more of the available time and energy.

One possible way to ameliorate this quite sad situation for ageing parent is for the son or daughter to make a firm and explicit commitment and keep to it, even if the commitment can be only a small one.

My own sons told me explicitly what they would and would not do with regard to me, and I was happy to plan my life accordingly. It is very upsetting when expectations conflict with behaviour . Husbands and wives , and siblings, and also friends and lovers who are able to be assertive with each other do each other a good service.

Why would we want power in our family Alexa?

What an interesting idea.

Maybe power isn't quite the right word. Position of respect and value- cant think of one word. But Alexa is right. The old in some societies are respected much more than ours. I once went to a Chinese opera in a local theatre. One old lady kept talking loudly about the performance. No one told her to be quiet but kept answering her politely. The lady was treated courteously. No one minded. The opera was not more important than she was. I was really touched.

Oldbatty and annep, I use 'power' in the sense of social status like as annep says "position of respect and value".

I don't have bad relationships with my children. Would not want to give that inpression. Just sometimes could be better.

DDs &I have a What's App group for organising 'family' stuff. Both then know what's is/isn't happening. They use it to check if I or each other are available for any xtra childcare, I use it if I fancy lunch out with them etc. We live close so mostly it is casual drop ins that don't need major arrangements. DH/SiL not included

We have the same in my family. DH isnt in it as he cant be bothered to work out how to use his smart phone.