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To find preache "friend" annoying?

(128 Posts)
Luckygirl Wed 01-Aug-18 08:55:16

W e know a couple - he a doctor and she a vicar - whom we have known for many many years as we were both around in the local hospital during the house job years. We all continued to live in the area, but very rarely see anything of them now - we did when we lived nearer.

I have always found them mildly irritating in that they are somewhat condescending and self-absorbed. They see themselves as the golden couple and pillars of the community,

Two year ago we moved to our bungalow which is 2 minutes from their home. We have not seen them once in that time; they know life is difficult with my mobility and OH's PD. On the rare occasions we bump into each other they never ask after OH, which seems a bit odd.

So....there is a large and truly wonderful classical music festival going on in the nearest city this week and I have been top many concerts and am loving it.

I bumped into them there the other day - they said hello and chatted a bit - no how are you or how is OH? Fine. But then we came to a statue of a man stretching his arms into the air, and wife said: "I love this statue - it is wonderful. It just goes to show that whatever our circumstances we can reach up and achieve whatever we want to.....etc. " - all in this b****y preachy voice.

I had just left my OH in a bit of a pickle - anxious, shaky, needing help to pull up his trousers in the loo etc. etc., and I just thought "Oh F off! - you have no idea what our lives are like - how dare you preach to me!"

Am I just a miserable cow, or would this get up your wick as well?! So patronising!

MawBroon Wed 01-Aug-18 09:00:49

Well done for managing to keep your thoughts to yourself!!
I might not have managed it.
“Yeah right” would have been the mildest I could have done.

(I think we have all come across people like that and have wished for that great celestial banana skin to materialise at their feet) grin

HAZBEEN Wed 01-Aug-18 09:01:28

Yes Luckygirl people like that get right up my nose! The answer? Avoid like the plague!

MawBroon Wed 01-Aug-18 09:02:50

PS very envious of being within striking distance of T——ee Ch—— Festival!

jenpax Wed 01-Aug-18 09:08:23

Some People can be very self absorbed and unaware! It sounds like the case with these two. I would avoid their company as it brings you no joy and indeed the contrary?

Iam64 Wed 01-Aug-18 09:14:04

They're the kind of self absorbed folks who get religion a bad name Lucky. Keep away, nod and smile if you see them but always be on the way to someone/something. Those people drain our energy and irritate us - both things we do not need. Well done for keeping your feelings to yourself. Mind, I sometimes wonder if the influence of work that taught us to keep our feelings to ourselves should by now have worn off.

Luckygirl Wed 01-Aug-18 09:16:47

I t4ell you who she reminds me of when she is speaking - do you remember Sybil on the end of the phone in Faulty Towers "Oh, oh dear, oh etc..." in the whiny patronising voice. And she uses it all the time. She looks at you with head-on-the-side, getting-ready-to-be-sympathetic, even when it is inappropriate - grrr!

Maw - it is truly wonderful and I maindeed very lucky! I have heard some brilliant performances, and am just off to a recital. This evening it is Mendelsson's Lobgesang - one of my favourites. It is a joy!!!

Luckygirl Wed 01-Aug-18 09:17:38

maindeed??!! - am indeed.

Luckygirl Wed 01-Aug-18 09:36:00

And title should say "preachy"!!

Luckygirl Wed 01-Aug-18 09:37:37

Iam - I fear it may wear off in a big way if I bump into them again!!! grin

annodomini Wed 01-Aug-18 09:38:40

When I was a student, one of my fellow residents 'got religion' in a big way during the summer vac. She once asked me if I would forgive her for resenting me. hmm

Iam64 Wed 01-Aug-18 09:42:49

Luckygirl - maybe we could start one of those consciousness raising workshops where we learn to release our inner anger grin

Luckygirl Wed 01-Aug-18 09:50:13

Sounds risky!!! grin

I think that is on the Brexit thread - lots of inner anger there!

bluebirdwsm Wed 01-Aug-18 09:59:24

I have a relative like this. So proud of herself because she contributes to the church magazine and goes to church, mainly for the social stuff.

This seems to make her think she is better than anyone who do not have an identical life. She has no understanding of peoples struggles and difficulties. Because she's ok. So why should the other person be disabled/blind/deaf/depressed etc. because she isn't.

It's an astounding attitude, when I was in real trouble [emotional/menopausal] she told me she'd been ok and implied I was a weak person, I should just snap out of it all....believe me I and my GP were trying everything. [But of course when an affair with a fellow married church member went wrong she wanted sympathy and attention....couldn't see she had done anything wrong. Incredible].

There are echoes of this behaviour in your post OP. Some people are ok, have good health and support and have not had real challenges in life. They live in a bubble of smugness and denial , hoping that nothing will ever happen to them.

These types are unbearable. My relative was awful when my mother had cancer treatment and eventually died. I do not have contact with her now, just birthday and Christmas cards to be civil.

Better for you to obviously give these two a very wide berth and not even engage in any conversation at all, apart from a 'good morning'...then pass by. Because things will not improve. If they press you just tell them you find them patronising and have a completely different outlook on life.

Eglantine21 Wed 01-Aug-18 10:06:29

You could have said “We’re not in church now.”
I think sometimes people get used to adopting a certain tone or type of conversation in their work and don’t realise it’s affected their everyday speaking.

I have been accused of having my “teachers voice” on!

KatyK Wed 01-Aug-18 10:09:32

How annoying. One of the most irritating sayings to me is 'life is what you make it'. Really? Perhaps we should have told that to our teenage nephew as he lay dying of cancer. Maybe if they walked a mile in someone else's shoes they may change their attitude.

shysal Wed 01-Aug-18 10:25:51

It would annoy me too. Your so-called friends are not acting towards you as a Christian should.
I used to work with a born again Christian who repeatedly told all her colleagues that we would go to hell, to which one replied - 'at least we will find our friends there'. One day her car brakes failed part way through her journey but she continued on to work in the knowledge that God would protect her! Downright irresponsible I say, she could have killed other road users.

gillybob Wed 01-Aug-18 10:33:21

You are not a "miserable cow" Lucky !

There are those who simply don't live in the real world. They float along in their own little bubble completely untouched by illness, sadness or poverty refusing to let anyone else's problems "bring them down".

I know someone just like this. I don't think there is anything you can do to be honest except in the words stolen from Madagascar- The Movie..... "just smile and wave boys, smile and wave" smile

merlotgran Wed 01-Aug-18 10:34:35

This reminds me of when Stephen Hawking died and 'Look at the stars and not at your feet' was being quoted ad nauseam. I jokingly remarked to a woman in the village that if I did that I'd be in A&E before the end of the day.

She just patted my arm and gave me a simpering smile.


Nonnie Wed 01-Aug-18 10:34:46

I think it is a type of person and nothing to do with their religion. Some people are simply self righteous, we see it on here from time to time. No empathy. Fortunately there are plenty of other people, religious or not, who are far more understanding.

Anniebach Wed 01-Aug-18 10:45:12

Quite some years ago I blew a fuse , to my priest, about a person just like this couple, I ranted - I can’t keep sitting on the same committees as that sanctimonious woman , he laughed and said think what Jesus would think - that poor woman holds her head so high above others she must have a very stiff neck . ?

gillybob Wed 01-Aug-18 10:47:55

Wise words Annie .

Maybe some people's main purpose in life is to make others feel sh*t about themselves. hmm

Sparklefizz Wed 01-Aug-18 10:52:17

Virtue-signalling. Lily Allen springs to mind smile

gillybob Wed 01-Aug-18 10:54:44

Oh don't get me started on her Sparklefizz grrrrrrrr

Squiffy Wed 01-Aug-18 11:08:32

Maybe some people's main purpose in life is to make others feel sh*t about themselves

Which probably really only proves how sh*t their own lives are!

"Dimming my light won't make yours shine any brighter!" springs to mind.