Son & DIL are making me sad with unfair expectations.

Loltara I didnt know the council could lend them a deposit, thanks! I will mention it! With JOY!
Son has applied for Universal Credit, but can only claim fir him and the baby and it will take 5-6 weeks to come through.

Pam13 she came on a tourist visa... she has to go back in six months to renew it in China

They wanted me to give up my job to care for him while they work and I said no because I can't afford to.
she came on a tourist visa
She can't work then.

I'm sorry, but this gets more and more peculiar.

Buffybee they left China because they want him to grow up in England and my son is hoping to earn enough to apply for a spouse visa. She can work online, though not legally...

Yes, a European spouse is often seen as a trophy because the children will be born with what they describe as round eyes.

My father was seconded to the Malayan army after Independence and several Chinese officers sent to the UK to train returned with British wives and the older generations delight when the first baby as born and had round eyes.

I never quite understand the excitement I think the shape of Chinese eyes is attractive and is part of the varietyof nations.

No she cant work legally but wants to do (illegal) online work

They have only been here a fortnight and already things are falling apart, both between them and between you and them.

I think the next step forward is a visit to Citizen's Advice for them to get proper advice on how they get themselves established over here. They need advice on benefits, getting a home, a job, sorting her visa and possibly a course on British culture for his wife.

You could ask CA about how she can make contact with the Chinese community in your area. Meeting other people who are ahead of her in the assimilation process will probably be very helpful, plus discussing cultural differences.

M0nica, thanks for the advice.

The council will NOT lend them a deposit willy nilly.
He has to fulfill certain criteria which, I very much doubt he will after being here only 2 weeks.
Any deposit is paid straight to the landlord, not the tenant and it is a fixed amount depending on the council's LHA (Local Housing Allowance) for a 1 bed flat. They will not fund a flat deposit elsewhere.
Your son, IF he passed the criteria, would have to tell the landlord he was receiving housing and unemployment benefit as the landlord would need to give the applicant their name ( as ut appears on the bank card, bank sort code and account number and also the address of the property and landlords telephone number as the council usually ring up to confirm details.
You usually have to be in dire straits AND receiving benefits to be allowed to apply and, as your son is living with you, he isn't in dire straits or yet receiving benefits.
It is a small finite fund which is administered cautiously to only the more deserving cases.
I know this as I have been instrumental in dealing with these problems in my voluntary work with homeless charities.
Your son's partner cannot work until she has applied for and granted a work visa which is finite and must be renewed otherwise she would face deportation.
Have you ever thought that this was the plan all along? Free health care, better pay and 'granny' to cushion the realities of life.
Some of your OP doesn't make sense.
You say that your son 'messed up his degree' to be with her (translator)
Was he taking the degree in Asia and left the course, or was he taking the degree here and left to be with her in Asia which begs the question, how did he he get to know her?
Personally, I think you've made a rod for your own back.
You don't say how old your son is, or what jobs he has previously had or if he's ever worked at all.
Frankly, it sounds a right mix and I wouldn't be surprised if it all came tumbling down around your ears.
Son sounds as if he'd quash your ability to see your grandson if you didn't meet his requests and that's not good.
All I can say is...good luck.

I might add that it's only a one month advance deposit.

ILLEGAL online work from your home using your internet connection which is in your name. Oh no no no. Crazy. Your ISP can be traced. Go ahead if you want to be party to illegal activity.
I can't believe you'd agree to letting someone use your home for any illegal purpose. There is no excuse. None.

China's one child policy would make it possible for parents to provide a property and car for their offspring on marriage. Here, only children are the exception rather than the rule.

Gabriella I didnt say I agreed, I meant thats what they wanted. Obviously its a problem

The only way that this is going to work is by your Son getting a high paying job so that he meets the criteria to apply for a spouse visa.
If he can't do that before June when his wife/girlfriends visa runs out, then she will have to return to China alone and that will give him more impetus to find the right job.
Do you think that he is failing to get the high paying jobs because he didn't complete his Degree?
You mentioned that your Dh wants him to get any job so that he can pay his own way but surely you agreed to keep them until they got on their feet.
Don't tell me he just got them all in a plane and presented you with a fait accompli.

I think you have to be firm and tell them straight. Won’t be easy I’m sure, but they need to take responsibility for their own lives.

China has been moving away from its one-child policy since 2013.

The same is happening with purchasing a house for them. In big cities and urban areas property is expensive and parents no longer buy their child a house. It is more like in the UK, where the Bank of Mum & Dad provide some or all of the deposit.

Here is a quote from a site about Chines customs
In China nowadays, parents cares so much about their child that they impede the whole generation to become independent. If the spoiled generation can not stand out and take their responsibility to pursuit their own happiness including their wedding house without parents’ pure sacrifice, I don’t we will have a very bright future.

Who will look after the child when the son's partner goes back to China to renew her visa?

GabriellaG54 she will take him with her
M0nica thanks so much for that!

...and who will tip up for the airfare?
The OP hasn't saud how old her son is, what qualifications or work history he has or anything about who buys their food, does the washing, housework, cooking etc. Do they have a separate car so son can go for interviews further afield?

saud said

Buffybee that's so true. I don't feel we can do more than we have done and we continue to pay for food but since the complaints about our home and the ungratefulness I've encountered I don't feel inclined to do more at this time.

Well Lavazza1st, I really hope it works out for all of you and please, remember your own wishes too.
You and your life matter.

My goodness, they're taking the p..s. You're too soft. Write a letter for them to take to the council stating that you will be evicting them on a certain date and that they will be homeless. As my mother used to say, You made your bed, now lie in it.

China has been moving away from its one-child policy since 2013.
Yes, but the sons who are perhaps expecting that their wealthy parents will buy them houses are of the generation up from these children.
Not all are wealthy, of course, but many are.

I think the problem is that this is all 'Lost in Translation' to coin a phrase.

You may have to have a calm chat with your son and point out the old adage 'When in Rome' etc.

However, as for food, the little one needs to have the food that he is used to and introduce Western food very gradually. His health is important.

@caocao I chose my user name because it's my favourite coffee and I would like Lavazza first before starting my day (ideally!) It honestly means nothing any deeper!

My son did a summer holiday voluntary placement in China while at uni- then he left his uni course to go and live there because the employer offered him a paid job and he had become close to the translator. Unfortunately this is why he never finished his degree.

Yes, she is on a tourist visa until June when she will need to return to China and apply for another one. At best she can get another six month visa each time until he's earning enough to start applying for the spouse visa. Apparently the whole process can take five years, which must feel daunting.