WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING WITH DAUGHTER

Yes, you are being too sensitive. I am the same way so I can see it. It will be ok.

I didn't go wedding dress shopping with either of my DDs, as I made both their dresses,( to their designs) and their bridesmaids dresses.
However, we did go to a wedding show pre both weddings, where we had fun looking at everything and getting lots of ideas of how to do things as well---but cheaper.

I shopped for my own dress. My mother was seriously put out that I didn’t ask her along. When I pointed out that she didn’t want me to marry and certainly didn’t want me to marry the man I had chosen as his skin was the wrong colour, she had something of a lightbulb moment.
None of our daughters have married in a ‘conventional
‘ way - it doesn’t matter as the marriage is about them not us.

I did go shopping with my daughter for her wedding dress but she had whittled out a lot of dresses going with one designer only. Visited the showroom and helped with choice. DIL also invited me along with
her mum and the bridesmaid. This time DIL had chosen one store and we all went along to help decide both bride and bridesmaid dresses.

With D1 Pa and I were both involved. With D2 she decided herself. I understand you feel hurt, but try to let it go. Just in case she thought you were too far away to be involved with much, why not ask if there’s anything she’d like you to pop up and do with her. Hope the wedding goes well for all of you.

Sarahcyn - how rude are you !!

My mother said that she would buy my wedding dress so I took her shopping with me but she said that everything I liked was too expensive - though she was a wealthy woman.

I can see her point of view now, it seems insane to spend hundreds of pounds on a dress for just one occasion, money much better spent on something more useful or essential, such as a house deposit.

In the end I decided to pay for it myself so that I could have what I wanted. I ended up with a simple dress that was actually not very expensive in any case.

Perhaps the OP's daughter was afraid that she would try to impose her taste, or influence her on the cost (one way or the other)?

Depends on so many things.

Are you very close?
Are you paying for it?
Do you respect her decisions?
Are you critical?
Have you been supportive about the wedding?
Does she generally enjoy shopping with you?
Do you do things together?

I don't think there is any right to seeing your daughter try on wedding dresses, nor is it really the norm nowadays.

In days gone by parents had much more involvement in planning their daughters weddings - often because it was the parents paying for it.

Nowadays most young people pay for their own weddings, sometimes with a contribution from the parents, and not everyone lives around the corner from each other anymore.

I only know one person who took their mother wedding dress shopping with them, and they are very close and spend a lot of time together, and have a great relationship.

I went dress shopping with DD & was frankly surprised to be asked as she's a very private person & we're not a close knit family really. It was a lovely experience & I enjoyed being there & helping her choose. I do understand your disappointment at not being asked but I suspect you will have more disappointments before the actual day. Brides these days very much know what they want - even if you're the ones paying! I know from experience! Its not like in our day when we were told what we were having, who the guests would be & mother bought or made the dress!

Please don't be upset. Everything is so different these days. There is absolutely no intention to hurt you, and that's what matters. Enjoy the day!!

I left it up to my daughters to go shopping for their own dresses. I'm not much of a shopper anyway. I can understand the disappointment if you were expecting to be asked. There's a lot of things I've been expecting to do with them where I haven't been asked. Very disappointed but managed to hold my tongue.

Please don't be upset. There is no intention to hurt you.
Everything is so different these days. Enjoy the wedding
and have a lovely day.

There is absolutely no intention to hurt you. Everything is so
different these days. Buy a gorgeous outfit and have a lovely
day.

My daughter did all the leg work with her sister in law, then I was invited for the final selection, perfect !

My daughter got married in New York and she chose her dress from an online selection, but she did tell me which one she liked and gave me the web address, so I could have a look at it and see if I agreed. It was lovely, so I gave her the go-ahead and she looked gorgeous in it! My contribution was a marabou shrug, as it was early May and I thought she might get a bit chilly as the day wore on. Sadly, the wedding dress got some red wine stains on it and when she found out that to dry-clean it would cost more than the dress did, she stuck it in the washing machine! The red wine stains didn’t come out completely and the dress was never the same and ended up in the charity shop! She’s not planning on getting married again, as they are very happy! First baby due today!

My daughter asked me to go wedding dress shopping with her. However, her dad and I were picking up the bill!

I’m new to gransnet, so please bear with me if I get it wrong.
My daughter got married a couple of years ago and I was really surprised about the intensity of feelings that could be triggered by seemingly small things in the preparation of the wedding. I am also a psychotherapist , so I wondered whether I could explore a bit more what on earth that was all about. I interviewed other mothers and it became clear that I was certainly not alone. The result is a book “A Wedding in the Family”. Am I allowed to tell you about it? You may find it really useful. I found it useful writing it! See attached photo.

Weddings of daughters are always fraught with emotions on all sides. Be ready to be there if they need you, be pleasantly surprised to be asked an opinion! Let her know you are available whenever she needs you. You will have a part to play but don’t expect it to be like your own wedding.
The friends are nowadays given the bulk of the invites. The cake will probably not contain a fruit cake layer.
Be grateful she wants to get married and has made a commitment and party happily on the day!
My MIL’s favourite phrase - mouth shut, cheque book open.
Good luck!

I had 2 wedding last year my daughter and my daughter in law and it’s sad to say but I found the deeper your pockets are the more input I got I was involved a lot with my daughter choices but I have to say I do wonder what would of happened if I hadn’t been paying I got very little involvement daughter in laws choices as I wasn’t contributing as much , I would just do what you are asked and and keep your hand in your pocket I wish I had

My daughter got married 10 years ago . even then I had to ask if I could go with her and a friend to help choose her dress.Now I think in many cases Mums are not considered necessary to do this. Am sure if hadn’t lived locally would not have been involvedat all.
My other daughter bought her dress online from America. It was beautiful. I went with her when she had it altered to fit-she did live 300miles away .Sadly lost her 9 years ago.

DD took her Dad with her!
I hired my dress after seeing it in the shop window. Nobody saw it until the wedding day as I was living in London and the wedding was in Scotland.

OP, i think people are being mean to you.

I would absolutely be hurt if my dd didn't invite me to one dress hunting expedition!

My dd knows this so I think she would schedule me in for one trip anyway.

The rudeness of asking if you're a personal shopper! Ha!

I've been my dd's mother all her life! I know that her judgement is better than mine about what looks good on her but she values my input about what's appropriate, accessories, etc.

She chose a dress for formal but I helped with details.

Gently suggest that you would like to help but make sure she knows first you respect her choices.

I hope you have fun and make wonderful memories.

As the mother of 3 sons, this was a pleasure that was never to be mine. However two of my DILs, who of course took their mothers shopping with them for their dresses, invited me to go to a fitting with them and help choose accessories. I was beyond delighted and there were tears, it was a great bonding experience for us. It was so kind of them to think of including me.

I got married for the first time at 19, in 1975. I popped out to the shops one Saturday to have a look around, saw a dress I liked and ordered it. (My parents were paying and I knew the budget). I just didn't stop to think how my Mum would feel.
It was really only years later that I looked back and wondered how I could do that to her, she must have been so hurt. Typically she didn't say a word, only how nice it was. I really regret it, especially not having that experience with my lovely Mum, who we lost 10 years ago and miss every day.

Marydoll "However, times have changed and I think young people nowadays have a different "take" on things," And in fact "young people" have got older. Probably in their 30s lol