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Belated greetings by Facebook.

(54 Posts)
Washerwoman Wed 25-Sep-19 14:27:18

Firstly I don't use FB and I'm pretty certain my SIL knows. She uses it a lot,as my adult DCs sometimes show the odd picture, or comment on her posts.
I recently had a big birthday and it was my choice to keep it low profile.No worries about my age but genuinely hate hosting parties or being the centre of attention.More so now than ever.And all I wanted was a lovely relaxing weekend with DH,DCs and grandchildren.A lovely meal out and glorious sunshine helped.Unfortunately our DD was taken ill and in hospital suddenly so her and her partner couldn't attend.All is well now but rather a scare.
Point is SIL forgot my b'day.Absolutely no problem.In 40 years she has forgotten more than she has remembered.Sometimes turning up with something much later.Often not at all.I expect it now and honestly have no need for any gifts.And we eventually stopped buying for her family when we rarely got a thankyou.I have a very small but loyal group of friends who got thoughtful treats.And DH actually took me away for a surprise break .So all good.
However AIBU to feel annoyed that after the day she posted a message on FB with the usual party poppers emoji etc hoping I had had a lovely day.I only knew because another family member showed me.My feelings are phone / text or even call round and say hi.She lives near.Has my number.Especially as she knew our DD had been ill on the day.Asking about her would have meant more tbh than birthday wishes.
I've just phoned her to congratulate her on some good news but just come off the phone feeling peeved that I wanted to say in future don't bother at all if you're just going to use FB - where everyone else but me can see your gushy messages.Am I being a grumpy old woman .FB is a great way of keeping in touch I know,but isn't it just lazy not to actually talk to someone?

KatyK Wed 25-Sep-19 14:34:22

I hate Facebook and am not on it now, but unfortunately it is the way a lot of people communicate. Yes I would be peeved.

Beckett Wed 25-Sep-19 14:50:53

I do use Facebook, but only send birthday greetings on it to younger members of the family and they use it to send birthday greetings to me. For older family I send cards and phone - as they do me.

My guess is that she suddenly remembered it was your birthday and thought this was the quickest and easiest way to send birthday wishes

Perhaps next time it is her birthday get one of your children to send her a Facebook message (a couple of days late) saying Mum hopes you had a nice day!

Greenfinch Wed 25-Sep-19 14:54:38

I dislike it intensely. I read about the death of a close family member on FB. Another family member posted within hours of his death before the family had a chance to notify us in more sensitive ways. Yes you are right to be upset .No-one has the right to mention you without your agreement .I am not on it any more

BlueBelle Wed 25-Sep-19 16:02:02

I love Facebook and congratulate everyone’s whose birthday it is as it comes up, obviously close friends get cards or outings, presents etc as well as do anyone who is not on fb but it is normal for fb community to do just that however you wouldn’t do it if the other person is not a fb member as there’s no reason to if the recipient is not going to see it so not at all sure where she’s coming from or why she would do that ...strange lady

sodapop Wed 25-Sep-19 16:54:45

I don't use FB either so would never know if someone sent me a message unless my family told me. I find it odd that your sister in law did this but people just assume the whole world loves FB.

Washerwoman Wed 25-Sep-19 17:01:37

I know I'm being a grouch really.I think it was phoning her today made me feel a bit' stuff it ,why bother' .
I think it comes on the back of a long friendship that recently ended which I realised had run it's course and was very one sided.And irritation hit today.
At the end of the day she's DHs only sister now as his other one died far too young .She frustrates DH too -but I think if a real emergency cropped up she would be there for us.I really miss his other sister and her phone calls,letters and thoughtfulness generally- even though she also used social media it never replaced the personal contact.
Good idea about sending a late message on FB via our DC !I must confess in recent years I've always dispatched DH to choose a card and gift and make sure she gets it on time.

gallusquine Wed 25-Sep-19 17:07:50

No you are not being unreasonable. Its akin to sending a birthday card to a random house on your street. What's her game do you think hmm

Willow500 Wed 25-Sep-19 17:08:20

Yes I use FB and have just posted a HB to my little grandson in NZ for tomorrow for his mum and our family to see but wouldn't do it for an adult who isn't on FB. Our niece has stopped using it so I don't bother but do send a card as I do for everyone else.

ninathenana Wed 25-Sep-19 17:13:43


Pantglas2 Wed 25-Sep-19 17:39:43

Whenever someone treats you badly always assume that’s their normal and do the same in return - they can hardly complain can they?

Bathsheba Wed 25-Sep-19 21:58:21

I would never, ever post anything on FB about someone who doesn't use it. Why would anyone do that? For one thing, they are not going to see the post anyway, and for another thing, there must be a reason they choose not to use FB, and the reason may well be that they don't want their personal life splashed all over any social media platform. That is their choice and other people should respect that.

What a very strange thing for your SiL to do. I would be severely taking her to task about it.

ElaineI Wed 25-Sep-19 22:18:52

You can't post a message to someone on Facebook unless the person is a registered member on Facebook so you must have signed up to Facebook at some point. Have you forgotten as your details will still be there? If you don't use it and have an account it would be better and safer to delete it. Unless the message was posted on someone else's Facebook page which is a different matter.

LondonGranny Wed 25-Sep-19 22:20:35

I came off FB when they did one of those 'memory' things and it was about a friend who had died as if it was something to celebrate. I don't like the way they harvest data and sell it on either.

harrigran Thu 26-Sep-19 08:47:38

FB is very handy tor keeping you in the loop, you miss a lot of what your family are up to if you don't at least read what people post.
I learn which country DD is working in this week or what new car has been purchased by DIL, probably would not be mentioned in everyday conversation.
I always send birthday cards but add a greeting online too because cards have been known to go astray.

annep1 Thu 26-Sep-19 08:49:35

I would ask her to delete the post. No one should share private information without your permission. I am on fb minimal use- but I don't put any details on my profile.

fizzers Thu 26-Sep-19 09:22:42

I love FB and am on it all the time, I have hundreds of friends from around the world and love seeing what they are up to , I always send birthday messages when they crop up , but of course family and friends get a card and present from me. I have a brother in New Zealand and without FB I wouldn't get to see his home or children or nearly as much as I do now.

Lolly69 Thu 26-Sep-19 10:07:13

I use FB only for specific groups and it’s a great way to keep in touch with fabulous people who have the same interests as me. As for family I have unfollowed them as it was so boring getting posts like ‘watching film xx’ or ‘I’m fed up’. They have phones etc and I drawn the line at living my life vicariously through FB ?

H1954 Thu 26-Sep-19 10:12:08

What a nasty, self-centred, inconsiderate person your SIL is! You are not being unreasonable to feel so hurt; the very fact that she didn't acknowledge your DD health problems is disgraceful and clearly this has added to your upset! How childish of SIL to post a birthday message on a social network platform that you are not part of, this beggars belief!

I'd say, put it all behind you, you had a lovely day obviously and it's great news that your DD is now much better. You do t need these toxic individuals in your life so give her a wide berth from now on and only contact her when you absolute need to do so.

SillyNanny321 Thu 26-Sep-19 10:15:10

Wow thought I was the only person in the world not on Facebook Lol!!
Glad there are others who do not see the point but each to his own!

TrendyNannie6 Thu 26-Sep-19 10:15:40

You aren’t being unreasonable I find it very odd that she would post it on Facebook, since you wanted it kept low key and you aren’t even on it, what’s that all about

NemosMum Thu 26-Sep-19 10:16:11

Some people live a fantasy life on FB. My SIL is like this. Wouldn't dream of saying it to your face, but make sure everybody else knows how 'lovely' they are by posting effusive messages, revolting sentimental memes and appeals for charity they never contribute to. My advice is just to let it go! You're not going to change her. However, if she has revealed something personal on FB, I would speak to her.

Harris27 Thu 26-Sep-19 10:18:31

I feel like a dinosaur at work. As they
Live their lives on it don’t care love gransnet not keen on Facebook but understand it’s a choice thing .

Jodieb Thu 26-Sep-19 10:26:45

She wouldn't even have to remember. FB would tell her.

annep1 Thu 26-Sep-19 10:29:18

FB has its uses. But mine was accessed recently and I had to close it and opened another. I don't think it's safe to share personal details that could be misused on any site. I haven't any personal details on mine.