Don’t want to go

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nope wouldn't go.. I have long standing friend whos daughter invited me to my friends 70th birthday surprise party I said I will have to play it by ear, when the time came I just said sorry won't be coming (no excuses etc) I still sent my friend a card and bought her little goody bag and took her out for little lunch .

The had another invite from same friend for their wedding anniversary, said sorry dont' think I will be attending. All was well.

When I went to a 40th neighbours birthday party about 10 yrs ago and sat in a corner on my own, I vowed it would be the last function/large gathering I went to, and I stuck to it.(although I did stay for the potatoe pie n peas )

Hmmm @OhMother I’m not sure about some things you’ve mentioned.

The daughter has invited you to a family occasion so she cannot be that stuck-up.

You’ve mentioned that you are friends. Would you have met & become friends were you not neighbours ? Do you share interests, values, maybe go off to clubs or jaunts & enjoy yourself as friends?

I have the sense that you find yourself very OK & everyone else around you not quite so...

‘...very opinionated. I’m assertive...’ same difference.

‘...so I generally just laugh at the things her father tells me the daughters says.’... really ? Does he do this in jest, with a jocular twinkle ? Because if not, someone ‘asserting’ their opinion in my own home about my family by laughing at them would be out the door.

‘Her word is law in his eyes by the way. ’ likely so, he brought her up & contributed to her outlook on life. Plus she is his daughter, his flesh & blood, & trust runs deep in families.

Could it be he thinks of you as a helpful neighbour & keeps matters friendly as he is well-mannered & polite ?

I suggest you accept the invitation with good grace, turn up with a nice bunch of flowers, mingle a bit, say nice things & go before you outstay your welcome either as a friend or neighbour (meaning that you can no longer keep your trap shut or opinions to yourself) leaving the family there to enjoy themselves with their father. Please bear in mind that for now you know it is a surprise party, so the father has not expressed a wish for you to be there...so far.

If that suggestion makes you spit or compelled to assert your opinion, then don’t go at all because you just don’t get it.

I would go for your friend’s sake. And I wouldn’t make snide remarks either and make things unpleasant for his birthday. . Just rise above it. Be pleasant yourself. And then if anyone is nasty to you, it is on their head. Don’t lower yourself. I wonder if you are a little anxious. Don’t be. Just be yourself. It would be good to have your other neighbour to go with, to have someone to chat to if you don’t know many other people there. And I’m sure it would be OK not to stay too long. It isn’t an insult to be asked to a party. It shows they want you there. Good luck.

I was asked by a friend of my daughter to go to a party and felt that I wouldn't really be welcome.
I did go and although there were a couple of people I felt unsure of,after a short time I did relax and enjoy the evening.
The family may be more amenable at the party so just go for your friend and as there will probably be a few people there you can mix with the people you know and maybe even some new ones. You can always leave a little early but your friend will be glad to see you.
The family may even be unsure of things themselves.
I thought it was a child that didn't want to go when I read the title!

Ohmother - the daughter is inviting you because she knows your neighbour will appreciate your presence. So, for the sake of your neighbour and friend of many years, you should go but as others have said, have your exit plan. On arrival you should say that you feel a bit queasy and are hoping that as the night wears on you feel better. That's the groundwork done, and all you have to do when you want to beat a hasty retreat is to tell your neighbour that you're feeling worse and leave.

Just grow up - go and behave yourself. No silly excuses about not feeling well or something else to do. You have someone to go with- not everything is about you you know, Other people matter and have feelings

As you mention, you have been friends for many years. I think you should go with your other friend to the party even if it's for an hour.
The time goes by quickly it really does when people get chatting. You may even find yourself enjoying it.
I'm not a one that enjoys parties but for a long standing friendship I would at least show my face.

i really don't understand why people think there's an obligation, just because you've been invited!

i think you should begin by giving yourself absolute permission NOT to go. then see if any thoughts arise that make you feel you'd LIKE to go. only point in going if you can enjoy yourself enough to be a good guest. otherwise steer clear.

meanwhile, a good strategy might be to arrive early (not too early, but 'on the dot') - spend a little time with your friend, then leave early when no one will notice/mind so much.

i hope you can enjoy whichever choice you make.

I agree with Wildrose24. I'm sure your friend would appreciate you turning up, even for a short time. Who knows, sometimes the occasions where you dread going turn out to be the most enjoyable. You may end up staying.

Some of your comments were not too nice. Daughter is throwing a party for her dad.. Your friend and neighbour. Put your feelings aside for an hour and help him celebrate. He might not want this surprise either.

I went to a 70th party of a dear friend knowing there would be someone there I really didn't want to see or speak to. I managed to ignore them (without making a scene). They, on the other hand, made a terrible scene, were extremely rude to the birthday girl, and stormed out!!
If nothing that dramatic is going to happen then I'd go, for the sake of your friend ?

Well I wouldn’t make any stupid excuses that I wasn’t feeling well and will have to leave early, I cannot abide snobs in any which way, but it’s a party being held for your good friend and it’s their night not yours so I would go with a friend and make the most of it, your friend I’m sure would be really disappointed if you didn’t go,Snobby ppl at a party wouldn’t keep me away, if they want to look down their noses as you say it wouldn’t bother me it says more about them, but I would definately be there for a good friend

I am totally with MOnica.
Would you also not go to his funeral because of family? After all you can‘t give him a surprise do by yourself.

Reading between the lines Ohmother you don‘t seem to „know“ the daughter and family - just what you heard from your neighbor. They may be lovely people.

Anyway what does it mean „looking down their noses“? A friend of mine thought that of so many people when really all that was happening was that she had some infertility complex.

Lumarei
I think your post has been subjected to the dreaded auto-text!

Haha “inferiority complex“.

Since I had a new tablet, I have to check everything because it has a mind of it's own and types just what it thinks I want to say - when I know what I mean!

See - it's just changed its above to it's!

I'd go and make a study of the snobbish girl . I wish I could go with you and I'd enjoy trying to draw her out. I wonder what makes her tick.

Granny Square, what a super reply! Thanks, I will try to remember it.

I think you should take your friend out to lunch, as you'd planned and, personally, I wouldn't go. Life's too short.

I love "infertility complex". That sounds like a grand metaphor for something or other.

I agree with Anthea. There is no obligation to go just because you've been invited. Why bother if you don't think you'll enjoy yourself? Any real friend will understand that.

Take your neighbour/friend out, you’re busy other engagements.

We tend to run around like headless chickens trying to do the things we should do...try taking the word " should" out of your vocabulary I insert the word want....do what you want to do rather than what you think you should do...