to think the length of time UK friends have to wait for funeral is cruel

I can't imagine arranging a funeral in only 3 to 4 days. My husband died on Friday so it took that long to get a registrar appointment to register the death. It was nearly 4 weeks before the funeral. Winter funerals are usually around 5 or 6 weeks or more. 2 weeks would be a good compromise. I did feel in limbo until after the funeral for both my husband and father.

My daughter died in suspicious circumstances,her body had to be available for whatever information required by prosecution,she was basically a crime scene wwe where told,we couldnt lay her to rest for 11 months.
My mum was 3 weeks

We will have to write down our wishes - maybe in the NY. Eldest daughter agrees with me ... inexpensive is good enough. However she says her younger sister would probably feel (at the funeral directors) that would seem disrespectful.

I don’t want them arguing ....
?

My surrogate mum died last year and the funeral was 15 days from her death. That enabled family and friends from across the world to attend, all the arrangements to be made without rushing and panicking being added to grief and for those who wanted to, to think carefully of what they wanted to personally say at the eulogy. To have rushed it all through in 3 or 4 days would have been cruel. She'd lived for 95 years, why rush her out?

X posts downtoearth
Your grief must have been overwhelming. Probably still is.

My heart goes out to you dear lady.
These ??? are for you in your sadness.

GrandmaMoira
You made a good point there regarding just how long it takes to even register the death. When my dad died, the earliest available appointment to do that was either four or five days later. If there had been a weekend thrown in, that would have been one week gone already!

It was just over 4 wks wait for DHs funeral which gave me time to deal with the initial heartbreak, put together music and pictures. Inform all those that needed to know. I definitely wouldn't be prepared in a few days.

I know my parents’ funerals were held less than a week after they died, but at that time we had a registrar in the village, and six permanent staff in the cemetry, who kept it in pristine condition. Now we have to make an appointment in nearby town, and there are only six gravediggers in the whole area, so a month is quite common.

You and me both tanith to you and all experiencing their first or second - 20th etc Christmas without him.

downtoearth, I can imagine nothing worse than your family tragedy.

After my sister's death in a road accident, we had to wait 5 months for the inquest, but at least we could have the funeral within the usual two weeks.

downtoearth and MawBroon - your posts will stay with me. thank you.
I've been part of rather a lot of funerals this year. Partly my age of course, friends and loved one's who were ill for long periods, so part of the planning for their funerals. I acknowledge some don't want funerals but for me, the funeral is for the loved one's left behind. It's a way to commemorate the life of a loved one. It allows family and friends to come together and share memories, usually happy one's are found on that day.
We waited a week for mum's funeral, 10 days for dads. Some depends on the time of year, significant flu epidemics for example. The time was well used.

This really is one of those "each to their own "situations isn' t it?

I found I had to sort everything out alone and I was given a date by the funeral director. Not much opportunity for choice.

Two weeks is fairly normal and gives time to make arrangements.

The real scandal about funerals in the UK was in England in 1979 when Militant Tendency (Derek Hatton) was in charge in Liverpool and bodies were left for weeks during the Winter of Discontent.

I hope we never see those says again.

Derek Hatton was readmitted to the Labour Party earlier this year but suspended again fairly quickly. He still thinks his opinions are worth listening to.

Those days

Pamela I am sorry about your father and that his death was unexpected therefore a shock.

We had to cancel a trip when MIL died unexpectedly, but family did have to come from overseas and they had to make arrangements for childcare, work cover etc so the 2 weeks enabled them to do that.
It gave us time to decide what MIL would have wanted.

downtoearth I am so sorry to hear that and the wait must have been traumatic.
And Maw a poignant post.

I wonder why you have to wait until after the funeral to begin grieving?

of course- but getting things organised and re-organised means your mind is busy- once the funeral is over, you can sort of 'let go' and begin the grieveing process proper. But we are all different.

My mum died on a Saturday morning. It was expected. It was the start of half term, and it suited the several teachers in the family to have the funeral before the end of the week. It was a burial, and the grave had been dug for my dad earlier in the same year, so there was no need to delay. If we had wanted a cremation,it would not have been possible.

My husband and I have planned to have a green burial for ourselves, so it should not be necessary to delay unduly, and not many people will need to be there. In due course there will probably be a service of thanksgiving which will take time to arrange and prepare for. More people will be involved.

I have only ever been to one, my mums. I just thought it was terrible to see the coffin disappear behind a curtain. Thats it. So sudden. I have vowed never to put anyone through that for me so no at my funeral but a gathering of people to lay my ashes to rest and say goodbye. Kids are happy with it.

I went to a Buddhist funeral a couple of years ago. It lasted 5 days with a lot eating and drinking while the monks guarded the body from evil spirits. Only a small number of the family attend the burning, as they call it, then it was back for more eating and drinking and the giving of gifts to the monks and family.

I'm surprised that so many people have them. Life is more informal now. Weddings and christenings are ever more optional - so funerals can be too!

3 days would be far too soon for me! Would fell bombarded/railroaded.

Like a bit of breathing space to crumble a bit before facing the neighbours and family friends.

Not a huge funeral goer and dont plan to have one, but if I must arrange one I want more than 3 days to get it all sorted! Jez takes me that long to work through the phonecalls! (Which are draining so cant do all at once)

The advantage of an unaccompanied cremation (apart from low cost) is that it's only a few days before my family have my ashes. They use the unpopular early mornings to do them!

I too chose to wait nearly 4 weeks for DH's funeral, mainly due to availability of family to attend. Some had a holiday booked, so waited until after that, and DH's cousin was determined to travel from Australia. Also I wanted time to arrange everything perfectly to honour him - the music, readings, the wake. I would not have been comfortable with just a few days (I had panic attacks for the first couple of weeks), but felt a lot calmer as the days went by.

To be blunt/literal, we're not amidst an outbreak of plague, which is where some traditions of swift burials come from!

We dont need to rush. We have refrigerated morgues and lets face it, the deceased aint going anywhere!

Rushing to bury ASAP came from disease control.

We simply dont need to. We can take time to do it at our own pace

I don't think waiting a few weeks is a problem, we have family living abroad and you can't always just drop everything and fly to another country.
When my cousin died he lived at the other end of the country, my sister, his NOK, lived in Germany. His funeral took place three weeks after his death and allowed time for family to travel.