Gransnet forums

AIBU

Love and life in lock down without booz?

(39 Posts)
dortie145 Tue 14-Apr-20 13:53:40

I am in lock down with a man I had known for 6 weeks. Crazy 8 know! All has been idyllic truly magical and despite my reservations we are getting on so well I moved into his house and domestically all well But we have fallen out because he says I drink too much! Despite the fact he has enough beer in to stock a small shop and 5pm is beer and snack time I apparently consume too much wine 4 glasses to his 4 beers Yes it is a bottle but I have do e it for years and I don't get drunk! But he has gone cold and apparently this is the issue as in his last relationship she drank on an alcoholic scale I can't imagine life without a glass of something I am perfect apparently in all other respects But I don't want to be blinking perfect just me

Urmstongran Tue 14-Apr-20 13:56:27

Is it to far to go home? Otherwise this lockdown might become fractious.

Manmar2 Tue 14-Apr-20 14:03:21

You are in denial if you think a bottle off wine a day isn’t too much. You don’t get drunk because your body is used to it.

Manmar2 Tue 14-Apr-20 14:04:13

of not off!

Smileless2012 Tue 14-Apr-20 14:07:44

Oh dear; maybe hangups from previous relationships should have been aired before you moved in. Maybe going home is something to think about.

FlexibleFriend Tue 14-Apr-20 14:11:24

You drink to excess no matter what you think.

SueDonim Tue 14-Apr-20 14:14:31

A bottle a day? shock I’d never been sober if I drank that much and it won’t do your body much good in fighting off CV, should you catch it.

Why don’t you just go home if you’re not getting on well with your partner? Moving house is permitted, if necessary, as I understand it and it could be argued that you need to get out of a bad relationship.

Sussexborn Tue 14-Apr-20 14:27:50

Sounds as if it’s not working for him any more and he’s nitpicking rather than being man enough to just tell you outright.

Undermining you is a form of abuse and a valid reason for moving out presuming you have somewhere to go.

Quick fire relationships sometimes work out but often it’s the niggly little things that cause eruption and you only get to know what these are over time.. I don’t think reasoning is going to get you anywhere unfortunately.

MiniMoon Tue 14-Apr-20 14:28:28

Guidelines for drinking wine - fourteen units per week. Considering that an average glass of wine equals about 2 units, that gives you one glass of wine per day.
A bottle of wine per night is far too much!
You say you can't imagine life without a drink of something, perhaps you should give it a try.

Luckygirl Tue 14-Apr-20 14:34:25

Hmmm - I too think it is far too much to be drinking. Maybe he is right and his comments could help you to get this under control.

As someone who cannot drink alcohol, I really do have to assure you that life without it can be just fine.

wildswan16 Tue 14-Apr-20 14:40:42

Not sure what you expect people to say. You drink too much. He is probably drinking too much as well. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

Have a close-up hard look at yourself and decide how you want your life to proceed. For me, anyone who moves in with a "boyfriend" after a few weeks is clearly not thinking right.

Jane10 Tue 14-Apr-20 14:43:26

Look on this as a good time to cut down on your alcohol consumption? its a Win win situation. You'll come out of the lockdown healthier and with a better relationship.

Kalu Tue 14-Apr-20 14:48:06

A bottle of wine per night is an unhealthy limit. Sorry this is possibly not what you want to hear but I’m being honest with you.

If it is causing problems in your relationship and as you say, you can’t live without a glass of something. It’s time to address your lifestyle.

merlotgran Tue 14-Apr-20 14:48:20

Life in Lockdown without wine?

Doesn't bear thinking about grin

Seriously though, it's your life - yours to take care of. This could be a good time to cut down but if you don't want to and it's not affecting you in any way then he is being hypocritical wanting you to do something he isn't!

If your four glasses is spread over a few hours and you are eating normally and drinking plenty of water then just tell him to change his attitude because you are not his former partner and you don't want to live under that kind of control.

Just make sure you stick to what you are used to and don't give him cause criticise you further.

EllanVannin Tue 14-Apr-20 15:00:07

Alcohol and Covid19 don't mix. At the best of times alcohol saps the immune system. Try the next few weeks without it or else just a glass of his beer.

Esspee Tue 14-Apr-20 15:00:15

A bottle of wine a day! Four beers a day? Both of you are excessive drinkers so why not use this situation to dry out together. Your health and wallet will benefit.

annep1 Tue 14-Apr-20 15:04:50

Both of you are drinking too much.
And I think you both should take a step back.

Charleygirl5 Tue 14-Apr-20 15:09:28

I agree with Esspee that is far too much for both of you. I would also pack my bags and return home.

At present I am drinking a bottle of wine a week and I consider that well OTT for me. Your liver will be addled by now.

Buffybee Tue 14-Apr-20 15:10:42

I have to agree that a bottle of wine a day is way too much.
The healthy limit is 14 units per week and most bottles of wine are between 10 and 12 units, so you are drinking at the very least 70 😱 units a week.
It looks like the alcohol consumption is going to be a problem with your relationship and possibly your future health.
Why not, cut the booze out completely for a few weeks and then maybe start drinking a couple of glasses every other day, keeping to the 7 glasses per week, also you could try non-alcoholic wine or beer.
Good luck, with whatever you choose to do.

rosenoir Tue 14-Apr-20 15:16:49

The first few weeks are usually the best and then some people try to change the other person.

If it goes bad are you able to go home?

SuzannahM Tue 14-Apr-20 15:19:52

At 5pm every day you start a bottle of wine to keep pace with his four beers? And he complains about your bottle of wine. Sounds like a pair of alcoholics in denial.

If your bottle of wine is more important than he is, move back home. Simple.

Or you could suggest that you will halve your wine intake if he will halve his beer intake? If he refuses and still complains about your intake maybe another poster was right, and he is looking for a way out.

Whitewavemark2 Tue 14-Apr-20 15:32:50

Moving in and being stuck with someone after 6 weeks was always a bit of a risk really. But I guess you knew that.

Thank goodness you have the choice to move out.

You may have less of a choice as to how much you drink, but I guess you know that as well.

Thank goodness you can choose to tackle that if you so wish once this wretched virus is stamped on.

You have lots of choices.

Hithere Tue 14-Apr-20 15:40:28

Yes, OP, you have an alcohol problem.
1 bottle of wine a day is excessive - flag no. 1
You dont get drunk - flag no. 2 as you have built the tolerance

He also has an alcohol problem but it is for him to address.
You fix your own problem.

Maggiemaybe Tue 14-Apr-20 15:46:33

I’m not saying that your new man isn’t drinking too much as well - he is, according to the government guidelines of 14 units per week.

But 4 half pint bottles a night of 3.6% beer adds up to 4 units per night, which is well below the 10 or 12 in a bottle of wine. So if we’re just talking about who drinks most, he could be right. Of course if he’s drinking stronger beer or bigger bottles, he could be having a lot more!

Oopsminty Tue 14-Apr-20 15:47:02

Only having known him for 6 weeks could be the root of the problem

It's a big ask to suddenly end up living in close quarters with someone you barely know!

I'd go home if I was you