Special guardianship of my step granddaughter

Nowadays it can be possible for an adopted child to continue to have contact with their birth family.

My personal opinion, and it is a personal one, others will disagree, is that unless someone else in this girl's birth family can step up to the mark, then it is probably best the child is adopted.

I think it way beyond acceptable for your husband, let alone his extended family, to expect you to give up your life to bring up his grandchild, where you are so new to the family and your marriage is so young and where his (and their) input into raising the child is obviously going to be minimal. As others have said, your step daughter's life is obviously chaotic and this child may be followed by others.

I think, no matter what decision you reach, it is going to be a make or break decision for your marriage, which is a tragedy. On the other hand, if your husband - and his family - are behaving with such little respect to you in this matter, the earlier you find out the better.

OP updated on previous page

Just to add that we have two adopted grandchildren who are greatly loved by all our family. They have contact with some of their siblings but not their birth parents. When they are 18 they will have to decide whether or not they want that. Given the chaotic nature of their birth family I have absolutely no doubt that adoption was in their best interests and that they are getting the best possible start in life. Birth family is not necessarily the best thing.

You absolutely sound like you made the right decision.
Hope it's all gone well for you OP.

I would just add my voice to advocating adoption. For family reasons I would see this as being in the best interests of the child - which has to be the number one priority. Perhaps an "open adoption " might be possible? For family members (such as your DH), to be kept "in the loop"?

This thread is 4 years old.

M0nica

Nowadays it can be possible for an adopted child to continue to have contact with their birth family.

My personal opinion, and it is a personal one, others will disagree, is that unless someone else in this girl's birth family can step up to the mark, then it is probably best the child is adopted.

I think it way beyond acceptable for your husband, let alone his extended family, to expect you to give up your life to bring up his grandchild, where you are so new to the family and your marriage is so young and where his (and their) input into raising the child is obviously going to be minimal. As others have said, your step daughter's life is obviously chaotic and this child may be followed by others.

I think, no matter what decision you reach, it is going to be a make or break decision for your marriage, which is a tragedy. On the other hand, if your husband - and his family - are behaving with such little respect to you in this matter, the earlier you find out the better.

Very wise and considered advice... this child needs to feel wanted.

Yes.thanks for pointing this out but Tipper never replied to any of her answers.

Why are there such old posts on here, four years is a bit much.

So basically the story is that you, a non relative, are being asked to give up a good chunk of your life to raise a child? Given that its an adoption and not a foster, you will also have to pay for the privelege? I know that sounds hard, but it has to be considered. I am thinking that there is a gap in the story here as its my understanding that this kind of removal at birth immediate adoption scenario is not done lightly. To me this sounds like your step daughter has....well lets say "issues" Essentially also your new husband is saying "I want you to do this but I won't be here" Either he is not being thoughtful to you and your own daughter or he hasn't thought at all. Lastly have you thought about the effect that this would have on your own daughter? How you will work through the situation of letting your stepdaughter have access to the baby or not? and yes an abusive father floating around...... So many red flags. The last thing is really horrible but I will say it anyway....how long did you know your new husband before you married him? Yes lovely people can have troubled children...but still.... I would be particularly worried that he works away so if trouble does kick off you are likely to be alone in the house apart from your daughter and the baby...and lastly yes, this won't be the last baby.......I know its awful but I'd say no. Its not fair on the baby, not fair on you, not fair on your daughter. I get also that this may trash your very new marriage. I'd still say that's not a good enough reason to do it. Sorry but I don't.

.................Winnipeg3100

How did you find a four year old thread from 2020

lemsip

.................Winnipeg3100

*How did you find a four year old thread from 2020*

I was wondering. just that. In fact I almost started a new thread asking the same but couldn't decide where it belonged.

didn't realise this was an old one, I hope all got sorted.