AIBU to not disclose compensation

Merry Christmas to you, Serendipity.
Please come back for another chat at some point.

Awwwww thank you MissAdventure .... yes i will call in, sit down with a coffee and join, i can assure you the shall I/shan't I dilemma wont be 'put out there', it's doing my head in haaaa.

Thank you again....

When you married did your husband vow "with all my worldly goods I endow"? Maybe not!

You own the house but he has the 'cash'. If he moved out your benefits would be much higher, but then you have all the bills. Maybe you'd be better off, maybe worse off ... financially. Well, until a divorce court splits everything down the middle, house, savings, pension.

Seems the real issue is money is coming between you and your husband. Tell him about the cheque. Maybe show him this thread. Discuss together what best to do with the cheque.

Bigger issue is if he dies all his accounts will be frozen until probate is complete. You could be in a position of having no cash to hand, just your small benefit, and things could be very difficult for you at a time when money will be the last thing on your mind. It would be better to have a joint account. I say this as this was something we were just discussing... with COVID around life seems less certain.

It’s nothing to do with the house being in your name. The electricity companies only have details of customers and you must be the customer or you wouldn’t be getting anything from them coming through to your phone. You haven’t said what’s coming through so I can only guess it’s bills/statements. You must know what you’re receiving and tbh I’m rather dubious about this whole thing.

Perhaps your husband keeps his savings quiet because the house is just in your name? Why not suggest putting it into joint names in exchange for the all savings and the current accounts being transferred into joint names? I find it hard to attach any blame to him if you’ve kept the house in your sole name.

Sorry Calistemon. I meant compensation not refund. Brain not in gear.

Urmstongran

Oh I’m not getting involved ha! Good luck with whatever you decide.

Just had a thought though. Won’t it show up on his utility statement as a credit for energy at that address?

My mother’s words come back to me as I’m writing ....
‘Oh what a tangled web we weave
When first we practice to deceive”
?

"But when we've practiced it a bit we make a better job of it ". Keep the money and forget you ever got it if he later finds out it had come .say it was in your name so he could not pay it into his bank and you forgot to share it .

You're sneaky, FloraDora.
I like your style!

OP

You are severely under reacting

You are stuck looking at a leaf (the check) and ignoring the forest (the overall situation)

How financially savvy are you? From your comments, sounds like not much.

You are 10 years younger than your husband.
Are you aware of passwords, what accounts are setup where, due dates of bills, how much to pay every month know bills, how much money on both accounts, etc?

If he is not able to be earn or passes away, you are left with a house and your account. A house is not a liquid asset like money in the bank.

How are you planning to support yourself? What money to use? What budget?
Are you assuming other people will step up and help you if he dies (family members, for example)?

Instead you are scared you are "hiding" a check that came under your name, scared of his reaction.
That says everything.

Please get your head out of the sand and dont be an ostrich.

You are in trouble as your financial future is not planned.

I cant believe what I have just read. It’s not 1954! You are legally entitled to half of everything and probably more as he is such a tight wad. I dont work as I have been ill but all our money goes into one account. Always has done. We’ve been together 30 years. Just because he pays the bills it doesn’t mean all the money is his.

I’d have started divorce proceedings long ago.

FloraDora haaaaa, that's a good option and 1 that carries a lot of weight for the very reason, i am horrendously forgetful..... haaa GOOD 1.

I said earlier i would close this down as its doing my head in ( despite the fact i started it) but i couldn't not reply to your post FloraDora ...

I'll drink to that ( now where did i put my wine???? Haaaa )

I really can’t take this seriously.

Before you come clean xheck that is nit a refund because of your disability. It could be as disabled people are sometimes on a special list in case of emergencies.

As already mentioned you are being financially abused and controlled which is why you have this dilemma. I hope you can see this. X

If you are registered with utilities as a vulnerable at risk person with your autoimmune condition the compensation could be for you

I have to wonder why the cheque is in your name if he pays the bills - or some of the bills have been put in your name for some reason and if they are paid online, it doesn't seem to matter whose name they are in as long as it's paid!
I have to wonder why this cheque has arrived and if it is actually kosher - didn't think any businesses dealt in the things these days!
Call wherever it came from, just to make sure it's kosher and then put it in your bank account. Think I would be inclined to "forget" it ever arrived !

Bank the cheque, say nowt, stay in your cloud of soppy confusion.

jaylucy what would be the point of someone sending a fake cheque?

In the US, you get refinancing offers with a sample check for the bonus- not real.

OP declines to say what the ‘stuff coming through on her phone’ from the electricity company is despite several requests. It’s pretty obvious she’s the electricity account holder, probably taken over when she inherited the house, and knows far more than she’s letting on whilst everyone speculates. How long did it take for her to say the house is in her sole name after castigating her husband for keeping cash to himself? A total wind up.

No, don't keep it. Do you really want to bring yourself down to his level? Show him that you are better than that. Good luck ?

No. I suffered a selfish mean 1st H who used to keep me so short of funds I always believed we struggled on his salary when I was at home with kids for 8years.so I was very frugal ,underweight and both GM basically clothed the DC. Then I found a salary slip in 1984 showing earnings in xs of 30k which was a tidy sum then. his attitude was "when you put in you can expect out" he also tried to get me to shoulder costs of fraudulent extra 10k mortgage in divorce that he'd used to buy business for his bit on side!!! All because I was "kept in the dark" and never allowed to share "our" money!!! So NO NO NO you keep this money it's seems precious little to the stash he's keeping from you! Partner? Doesn't know meaning of the word!

cheque in your name he cannot bank it in his account.but why in your name i would check with thesupply company what name the account isin if yours then the cheque is yours

I'm much the same, and I live in my own.
I tend to just let these things wash over me, and not worry, as long as I can manage.
I have no idea of my outgoings or income, off the top of my head, and I would be hard pushed to find the paperwork for everything.

I’m really shocked at this. It’s like not a proper partnership! If you have children I hope they don’t copy him in any way specifically if it’s sons you have! I have daughters and if I found out about a husband treating his wife like that, I would definitely tell them not to continue with the relationship, even if it was just the fathers actions , not the sons belief. They could end up with a real Scrooge. It’s incredibly abusive in my opinion, and controlling and I cannot believe anyone would accept this situation. Take the cheque, pay it in and if he wants a row about it, stand up for yourself about his attitude to money, just tell him you’ve paid it in.!!!

Is it not possible to bank the cheque and then inform the husband? Or would there be a scene, with demands for the money or the withholding of the monthly ‘allowance’ until cleared? Might be upsetting, but it might clear the air! I must admit that this scenario sounds like an attempt to exercise a great deal of control by the husband of a vulnerable person and is certainly not in accordance with the marriage vows one takes (or the law!). I understand this as my ex was similar-he even tried to get more than his share of our jointly owned house when we parted as he said I had not worked for nine years looking after OUR children. (Didn’t work, of course!) In this circumstance I think that at the best it is old fashioned, although if it suits the couple no doubt it might work for them.