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AIBU to not disclose compensation

(215 Posts)
Serendipity22 Wed 22-Dec-21 15:13:22

Ok, here goes. I will TRY and condense our 30 years financial situation into this 'brief' post. My husband and myself have always held separate bank accounts, more so his instigation to do so than mine. He has a number of pensions plus state pension plus an ample amount in bank.

I dont work due to having an autoimmune disease. Because i dont work my husband gives me £100 each month as 'spends' and he pays all bills.

I have, on numerous occasions said about having access to his savings, which considering we are husband and wife, i see the savings as OUR savings but no, i am met with an angry face and the predictable announcement that the savings in his bank are HIS life savings, in other words YOU'RE NOT GETTING YOUR HANDS ON IT !

So, today in the post is a compensation cheque for a power cut we experienced a couple weeks ago, for some strange and unknown reason the cheque is in MY name despite the fact my husband pays the bill !

So, AIBU to keep and shhhhhhh ?

Juicylucy Thu 23-Dec-21 21:00:01

Wow this sounds controlling to me. Cannot understand why he wouldn’t wish to enjoy his money with you. Does he have plans for it?

Urmstongran Thu 23-Dec-21 21:14:18

Or, reading the whole thread. ... they each control the other! I’m beginning to understand that all is not as it is often presented on the AIBU threads‼️

Saetana Thu 23-Dec-21 22:18:30

Almost all our income is from my husband's disability benefits - I am his full time unpaid carer. Therefore his money pays the bills but they are all in my name, and always have been, because I am the one who deals with the finances and the one who set up the accounts in the first place. Therefore I would assume any rebate cheque would be in my name, even though I am not the one technically paying the bills. I do not understand married couples with separate finances - whatever our circumstances over the years its always been OUR money (there have been times when either of us has earned considerably more than the other), we opened a joint account as soon as the ink was dry on our marriage certificate. However, in this particular case (assuming the house is only in the name of the OP), how does that weigh up against the savings - purely insofar as assets are concerned? As for the cheque, it can only be banked in the OP's account if it is in her name - get it banked and decide later what to do regarding her husband.

Ankara2005 Thu 23-Dec-21 22:50:42

I can't believe what I read about your financial arrangements. Your husband's behaviour/attitude is completely beyond acceptable. You need legal advice without delay. He sounds like a spiteful bully. He's very lucky he's not married to me - one of us would end up dead and/or in prison. Please, for your own self-respect, sort this out sooner than later.

Boyzone Thu 23-Dec-21 23:31:21

Who issued the cheque? Have I missed this information? Was it the energy company or A N other?

DeeDe Fri 24-Dec-21 08:11:42

I’d just get a divorce and done with it doesn’t sound a very happy marriage…

rugbymumcumbria Fri 24-Dec-21 10:11:57

Use it to open a new bank account in your sole name !

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 24-Dec-21 10:15:06


OP has not been backed into any corner and she most certainly has not disappeared....

I find the way your posts are accusing me are beyond belief and so for that reason i simply can not be arsed to continue with my thread.

Well done Germanshepherd you know how to bark and snap people away .......

I'm not accusing you of anything other than being very economical with the truth and leading people on and enjoying their sympathy based on a false representation of your situation.

You first presented yourself as a woman unable to work through ill health whose husband kept all his savings and pension income to himself, just giving you £100 a month for what you called 'spends'. That's the post people see and reply to, ignoring what came out later. They all see you as a victim of financial abuse and many have suggested you seek legal advice and divorce him. You haven't sought to correct them at any stage.

You then said you received £100 a month in benefits too, so £200 a month to spend as you wish, as you also said in a later post that your husband paid for the food and all the bills.

It also came out that the house is in your name only, but people just reading your first post didn't spot that and continued to give you their heartfelt sympathy. What a surprise that your husband considers his savings and income to be his when you haven't put the house into joint names. We don't know how much of his income your husband has left after he's paid for the food, bills, given you £100 a month and put something aside for tax not deducted at source. Maybe not a lot. Maybe less than your £200. Nor do we know what savings you have and keep to yourself. Did you only inherit the house or did you perhaps inherit money too?

You repeatedly said you had no idea why you had received this cheque for compensation for loss of power. You gave the impression of being completely bewildered and not knowing what to do with it. But you have said your husband can't do emails and everything about the electricity 'comes through to your phone', pretending to be clueless about the whole thing; a few other things 'come through on your phone' as well I expect if yours is the only email address. It's blindingly obvious that the electricity account is in your name though your husband pays the bills, yet you continue to insist you have no idea why you have this cheque. I have put it to you several times that the account is in your name but you don't respond to that and continue to latch on to people's suggestions that perhaps you have the cheque because you own the house. You know exactly why you have the cheque and your only dilemma is whether to keep the money or give it to your husband as he pays the electricity bills. You know full well the right, honest thing to do.

People have repeatedly said that half the savings belongs to you and advise you to get a divorce as you are being financially abused. You know that a divorce would mean your husband getting half the value of the house and that may well be worth a lot more than half his savings, but you don't seek to correct them, do you?

I've kept on accusing you, as you put it, because you're spinning a yarn to people who give you sympathy and advice in all good faith and you're enjoying all the misplaced attention they give you. Now you say you 'can't be arsed' to continue with the thread. In other words, no you won't admit the lies I've called you out on. May I suggest that you should never have started it in the first place?

Nitpick48 Fri 24-Dec-21 10:31:26

Pay it into your account then plead ignorance/forgetfulness/did it without thinking. If my husband said “You’re not getting your hands on MY money” he would get short shrift and I’d probably have divorced him years ago and taken half. What is he saving it for? If you die first is doesn’t matter, but if he dies first you are entitled to inherit at least some of it. If he goes into a home it will be used to pay for his care. If you get divorced you would probably get half. If he dies first his bank accounts will be frozen until probate and you would have no money to even bury him! I am so shocked at his out-dated and selfish attitude. And your acceptance of it! Maybe I am just lucky in my marriage where we share everything and what’s left after we die will be shared between me and his children from his first marriage, and rightly so, but I am, and will be, well taken care of. We have his personal account, my personal account, a joint account which pays the bills that he pays into but I get to use freely, and a savings account and ISAs in his name that is for his children and grandchildren. Is this unusual?

Elizabeth27 Fri 24-Dec-21 11:28:34

I understand people not reading the whole thread but Nitpick48 maybe you should have read the post before yours by germanshepherdsmum, things are not as one-sided as stated in the original post.

silverlining48 Fri 24-Dec-21 12:14:34

It’s astonishing that this is now 9 pages long. Do we really care so much about a cheque ? Are people serious when they suggest op should divorce her husband, words fail. hmm
Merry Christmas everyone.

Serendipity22 Fri 24-Dec-21 13:24:01


Its got WAY beyond a joke, not that it started as a joke, it was purely a question that i put out there for feedback with a very simple answer appreciated, keep or disclose but has developed as it has developed, its crazy !!!

Yes, I echo your good wishes. HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE..


silverlining48 Fri 24-Dec-21 13:33:16

Merry Christmas Serendipity grin

TopCat12 Sat 25-Dec-21 11:25:05

Give it back to him, it's not yours, l believe in Karma and the saying if you practice to deceive if it's that much of a problem and it really agitates you make other plans, but a least you have a clear conscience. He's a mean man, he can't take it when he's gone, but he would have you struggle, so is he just providing and helping you whilst he is alive to look good to others, think very carefully before you tarnish your good self.