AIBU to not disclose compensation

My first thought...How do you live with someone like that ?

My second thought..Put the cheque in your account.

My third thought...ditto the first.

This is financial abuse and whether you keep the damn cheque or not is irrelevant.

What about money for homemaking, for food, for making yourself look presentable?

I couldn't manage on £100 a week, let alone month!

I'm sorry to say but I'd have run a mile from this marriage years ago, claimed half of everything sued him for financial abuse on top!
Good luck! x

This is known a financial abuse and should you divorcee you'd get a share of it.

Hence in the unlikely event that you have received a cheque, which is very much yesterday’s currency,

Cheques are not yet obsolete - I recently received one from HMRC for overpaid taxes for last year. A few days after the cheque I received a letter from them saying I was due a refund and if I wanted the money paid directly into my account I had to do blah, blah. But the cheque came first!

Can’t understand separate bank accounts for married couples. Surely all assets are joint assets - or should be.

All assets should be joint assets, but so are debts, which is why many couples maintain separate accounts. It is no good having a joint account if it is overdrawn within hours of the 'breadwinner's' salary being paid into it.

This is such a horrible situation and you must think very little of yourself to accept £100 a month from your husband.
What a very sad life you must lead. Your husband too who can’ be a very contented man. Powerful, yes but a man with a lot of money but but not much else.
As others have said this marriage sounds abusive, certainly not a loving, comfortable situation. Have you ever wondered why you stay ?

I would tell him that you have received the cheque and explain only you can cash it. Smile sweetly as you tell him as soon as it clears he can have it. You then have the upper hand. No good comes of deceit, no matter how you justify it.

The first thing that springs to mind is "There are no pockets in shrouds".
If you don't have children, who or what exactly is he squirreling the money away for and making you ( and probably himself) miserable in the process.
It seems to me that you are trying to make a joke of what is a serious situation- possibly as a defence mechanism.
As far as the cheque is concerned, I would be honest ( you don't need to behave the same way as him), tell him it came addressed to you and since you don't (presumably) have any joint account, you paid it into your account. If you say it as a passing comment, he may be unlikely to demand that the money is transferred to him. If he does, it is just another indication that the financial aspect of your relationship is not healthy.
If he is kind and thoughtful and loving in other ways, is there something in his past that makes him like this? Has he experienced fraud, theft or something serious from someone else. Does he have mental health issues? As a more extreme thought - is it possible he's hiding illegal financial dealings?
Only you can decide the overall advantages/disadvantages of staying with him and not challenging his behaviour.
I struggle to see how he can be paying the bills and managing all the finances if he won't even have an email address - not easy in this day and age and likely to mean you are not on the best deals with utility companies etc.
Do you have a family member or close friend who could talk through the options with you and help you to make him discuss this. Or would you consider going to CAB or Women's Aid or a lawyer? If I've picked up correctly that you own the house and it is in your name, where would he go if you divorced? Both your assets would most likely be split and would either of you be happy? is he willing to risk that?
There are various organisations offering support - it just depends whether you want to tackle it.
www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/divorce-and-separation/protecting-against-financial-abuse
I hope you manage to change this behaviour. Good luck.

Germanshepherdsmum

You still don’t say what it is you’re receiving via your phone from the electricity company because you know perfectly well the account is in your name and probably has been since you inherited the house, which you’ve kept in your name yet you expect full disclosure of your husband’s financial position. Hence in the unlikely event that you have received a cheque, which is very much yesterday’s currency, you know exactly why it’s in your name. Prove me wrong.

Whilst I can see your concerns Germanshepardsmum, it is possible the compensation is payable to the acvount holder, Mrs S, but they can't pay it straight into her bank account as they don't have her details. They only have bank details for a Mr S. If this is a compensation payment they might need to pay Mrs S directly, hence would need to issue a cheque.
I received a cheque earlier this year for a tax rebate so cheques certainly in use.
And yes, am considering framing the cheque from HMRC!

if it's compensation for the power cut, there appear to be a variety of ways to be paid and it should be automatic if you're on their priority register ( which you might be).

From Citizen's advice
^How you’ll get paid
The gas or electricity network operator will usually send the payment to your supplier. Your supplier will then credit it to your account. They should tell you about this.
If the network operator has your details, they might pay you directly.
Some suppliers will send you a cheque or pay the money into your bank account. If you have a prepayment meter, they might credit the meter directly.^

By the way The network operator is not the same as the company which bills you for your gas or electricity

i think this issue is an indication of a poor marriage. my parents had similar issues and despite staying together for many years were not happy .

He sounds selfish and controlling ..you must be quite unhappy ...

I would be very unhappy if my husband behaved as yours does and whilst I understand he pays all the bills etc and supports you £100 per month personal spending money isn’t very much to have to yourself I’d keep it !!

i find this very sad as I have been very happy with financial arrangements for 60 years. Joint account from day 1 No problems from either of us.

Germanshepherdsmum

OK if you’re not pensionable age humour me by explaining why do you only get £100 a month in benefits for being unable to work? And telling me how you received a cheque from the elec co if the account isn’t in your name, which doesn’t seem to bother you in the least? It just doesn’t add up.

I can tell you exactly why, benefits, including sickness benefits are now all paid based on HOUSEHOLD income - Universal Credit covers both out of work and sickness benefits and is means tested. She is clearly claiming either DLA or PIP both of which are non-means tested benefits based on the medical condition and how it affects you.

Bank it, keep schtum and think of it as a Xmas bonus!
OR
It’s compensation, not a refund of payments made, and I’m sure the power cut made you just as uncomfortable as him, so you’re at least entitled to half - so you could be magnanimous and give him half of you chose?

Yes, actually, £100 is a fair representation of the reward rates.
It's all much more calculated these days.

Award, not reward!
I've gone money mad since I've read this thread.

Thanks Cossy. It seems OP has no idea what she’s claiming or how it’s calculated, which like the rest of the story I find hard to believe.

£100 pcm*MissA*?

This is really hard. Firstly - is HE honest with YOU about money? If he is, you should be honest about this cheque. But then you still have the issue of basically all the money in your partnership being 'his', and him doling out 'spends' for you. How the heck does this work - who pays in the supermarket? He is treating you like a child, and you are letting him. If there is a reason for 'sole name' accounts (there can be tax and other non abusive reasons) - fine, organise those. But a marriage is a sharing of life - includes money, so most funds should be joint - either to sign. That way you have to trust each other.

Craicon
if the OP went to a divorce lawyer she would not only be up the creek without a paddle, she wouldn’t have a boat ?
He would get half the house and unless it’s a sizeable property to sell, where is the OP going to live, and, maintain that property.

I've no definite proof to hand though I'm sure it's easily enough googled.
For someone in a lower rate for both personal care needs and mobility, then yeah.
Looks about right to me.

Being classed as low need by the dwp assessors, though, often bears little resemblance to what they have seen.
It depends of you would then want to take on possibly a couple of years, gathering evidence, proof, and everything but the kitchen sink...
Well, people just accept a lower rate, or being awarded nothing