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Overwhelmed or being a drama queen

(29 Posts)
Droopdrawers Mon 10-Jan-22 12:26:48

Husband died a year ago. Have 3 adult children under 25. All devastated. 2 DDs already had mental health issues. Youngest DD doing a masters and struggling. Had a meltdown/ self harm yesterday. Other daughter has had to have a colposcopy because of 2 dodgy smear tests. She has just been referred to consultant because of blood in poo. I am sick with worry. I reassure her and tell her it will be nothing serious. But I am terrified that it is serious. I’m haven’t slept for days. I am terrified that I will lose them to cancer or suicide. I also feel so sad that my life is permanently on hold. I looked after my husband through his illness, supported kids through uni and with mental health. It just feels like it will never end. There is always going to be something. Then I feel awful that I feel like this and could lose them. Am I being ridiculous?

Hithere Mon 10-Jan-22 12:39:31

When it rains, it pours

Please make your mental health a priority and take to a professional about it.

Some of the concerns you have in your OP are out of your control and you need tools how to manage this.

Dickens Mon 10-Jan-22 13:12:01

You have a lot on your plate - too much to deal with on your own.

Start with a consultation with your GP - can be done via a telephone appointment. You need counselling - professional help, and an ear to listen to your problems. At least then you won't be so alone in all of this.

Easier said than done, but try not to worry about your daughter until you have a firm diagnosis. Blood in poo can be for a number of reasons... medications, gastroenteritis, fistula, inflammatory bowel disease, or even simple polyps.

Please get some help - you will definitely feel better when you have a course of action in front of you, and won't feel so helpless as you do now, it will give you the sense of control that you need.

xx flowers

luluaugust Mon 10-Jan-22 14:38:37

So sorry what a lot on your shoulders. Do encourage your DD doing the Masters to speak to the person supervising her and I think she should have a word with a GP if she will. I know its not really much comfort but at least your other DD is in the system and I would imagine will receive an appointment soon even in these times as I know a lot of prioritising goes on. Then lastly, as always with a mum, have word with your GP yourself and see if you can get some help. A nights sleep would be a start.

Pudding123 Mon 10-Jan-22 15:08:05

You are not being a drama queen,sometimes life is just overwhelming but this will pass ,you do need somebody to talk to about your fears either a good friend or your children and your GP.
I had a horrible worrying 4 months last year,first of all I started with stomach pains,then my daughter who had been for a scan due to polycystic ovary syndrome in her teenage years to see if it was possible for her to become pregnant she then received a phone call at work telling her it looked like cancer....a very worrying 2 weeks when I couldn't sleep ,eat or think straight turned out to be nonsense she was fine but my stomachs pains got worse.
My daughter then found out she was pregnant but because of covid had her first scan at 14 weeks...at her scan they told her some measurement was showing the baby could have Downs or other defects so another 2 weeks of worry but this all turned out to be incorrect and she is now 23 weeks pregnant and all fine ,my stomach pains have gone and all is normal again so what I am saying it will all be resolved so try not to worry and talk to your children they like you have been through some terrible times and need help.

AGAA4 Mon 10-Jan-22 15:11:09

The death of your husband is quite recent and you and your children are still grieving.
It is normal for worries to take over at this time and fears of losing other loved ones.
As others have said get medical help for the anxieties and for the physical problems too.
I hope your worries will be resolved soon ?

Kim19 Mon 10-Jan-22 15:15:30

No, you are certainly not being ridiculous. Understandable is the word I would use. Take care of yourself and hopefully you will find the strength to continue mutual support of each other. ?

ayse Mon 10-Jan-22 15:16:58

I do sympathise tremendously. I agree with the others that you need to take care of yourself. I’ve found anti-depressants a great help over the years, just to keep me functioning. It’s so difficult when your children are suffering for whatever reason and very normal to be concerned. You’re doing so well to keep going.

Sending you lots of hugs ? and hope everything will be resolved in the not too distant future.

Droopdrawers Mon 10-Jan-22 20:17:58

Thank you all. You are all so kind. It made me cry ( in a good way ) reading your messages. I felt like I was going mad with the worry. I will try and ring my GP in the morning. I know worrying never fixes anything but it seems to go with the territory of being a parent. ❤️

Elizabeth27 Mon 10-Jan-22 20:29:02

You are still grieving so it is natural to think that every situation will have the worse possible outcome.

Talking will help, on here, to a friend or a professional . Thoughts that just go around with no outlet become insurmountable.

Be kind to yourself and try to live in the moment, as you know worrying will not change anything.

Dickens Mon 10-Jan-22 22:08:50

Droopdrawers

Thank you all. You are all so kind. It made me cry ( in a good way ) reading your messages. I felt like I was going mad with the worry. I will try and ring my GP in the morning. I know worrying never fixes anything but it seems to go with the territory of being a parent. ❤️

Glad to hear you're going to make an appointment with your GP. That's a starting point to offload some of the worry.

I'm sure you feel pretty helpless and hopeless at the moment, consumed with worry about your adult children, and grief after the recent death of your husband. It's understandable that you feel your life is on hold, but this too shall pass.

Don't let this be your last post - let us know how you get on with your appointment, you need somewhere to be able to come and talk.

Sending <<<hugs>>>

VioletSky Mon 10-Jan-22 22:22:50

That is a lot for one person to deal with.

You really must put your mental health first, you can't set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.

Please go and ask for support, then you will be stronger and in a better position to help get your children the support they need. Find it for yourself and then show them the way.

lavendermine Mon 10-Jan-22 22:38:25

I am so sorry to read your post, you are not being a drama queen, you have such a lot to deal with.

Good advice for you above, and I hope you can get to see your Doctor soon.

Take care, there is always someone here to offer advice and support flowers

Droopdrawers Wed 12-Jan-22 11:41:15

Just a quick update. Finally got through to my doctor. She was very kind. Has suggested medication and referred me for therapy. Feeling a bit calmer today. Thank you all for your support. Xx

Smileless2012 Wed 12-Jan-22 11:45:08

That's good to know Droopdrawers. It will take time for the medication to get into your system so be patient.

I hope you find therapy helpful, I'm sure you will. You have so much to deal with right now, so soon after losing your H. Be kind to yourselfflowers.

FannyCornforth Wed 12-Jan-22 11:46:50

Hello Droop
Well done you; that is excellent.
Give yourself a bit pat on the back, you’re on the way to getting control and perspective thankssmile

jaylucy Wed 12-Jan-22 11:50:17

Glad you have spoken to your GP . If nothing else, it will give you the feeling that you are not on your own in not only dealing with your own grief but what is happening with your AC,
Please encourage all of them to seek whatever support is available . Contact Cruse. You can be referred by your GP.
If you have any friends or relatives, please also tell them what is happening - just talking about those worries will be a great help.

Shandy57 Wed 12-Jan-22 12:13:20

Big hugs Droopdrawers, it's so hard being the parent left behind. Doesn't matter how much therapy you have, the fact remains that your future has changed forever, you are alone, and you have to cope with all sorts of things you'd never imagined you'd have to.

I do recommend phoning the Samaritans when you are tearing your hair out, it's good to be listened to at least.

My kids were 20 and 22 when my husband died in the May six years ago. My daughter was going to Canada for the international part of her degree in the September, and because we were both in such a state I'd forgotten to get her any currency sad At least her Dad knew she was going.

It's not just missing them, it is what they are missing I think hurts the kids the most.

My daughter has recently got onto her career path and knows her Dad would have been so pleased for her, she is so upset she can't tell him. I suggested she write a letter, I have a memory book for him, she can read it again when she is older.

Your daughter doing her Master's could speak to the Uni counsellor. My daughter did art therapy through her Uni and it really helped her, she started floundering in her final year, it was touch and go. I also paid for private bereavement counselling for her.

I am sorry your other daughter had to have a colposcopy, not pleasant. I hope she has good results but if not, treatment is normally very successful, I've not had any concerns since I had the surgery. I hope the consultant helps with her other issue.

You have a lot on your plate and I do empathise, but take each day at a time, and remember to be kind to you.

Madgran77 Wed 12-Jan-22 14:07:41

Droop Lots of good advice on here, especially re getting some professional help. That might be bereavement counselling too? Glad you were able to speak to your Doctor. flowers

Dickens Wed 12-Jan-22 14:19:26

Droopdrawers

Just a quick update. Finally got through to my doctor. She was very kind. Has suggested medication and referred me for therapy. Feeling a bit calmer today. Thank you all for your support. Xx

Oh, that's good to hear.

The medication can help enormously but it takes a while to 'get into your system' and alter your chemistry.

You've taken the first step. There is other help out there... Samaritans, Bereavement Counselling etc, and various forums.

I'm sure you'll start to feel more in control now. You have a plan of action!

xx

Droopdrawers Wed 12-Jan-22 14:24:50

Just a quick update. Finally got through to the doctor today. She was very supportive. Put on medication and referral for therapy. Feel a bit calmer today. Still worried but feel less overwhelmed. Thank you all for your kindness. Never used to think that these sites were any good, to be honest but you have all been amazing. Do not feel so alone now. Xx

crazyH Wed 12-Jan-22 14:27:00

Droop - thinking of you flowers

Shandy57 Wed 12-Jan-22 20:22:57

Droopdrawers, depending on your age, you might also like to join the WAY UP on line site for widows.

They have been a great support to me in every way, they also have a facebook page.

Shandy57 Wed 12-Jan-22 20:23:45

way-up.co.uk/

Link to the site for widows, it was a lifesaver for me.

Caleo Wed 12-Jan-22 20:43:19

Droop[drawers, you can't do miracles. You can do only what you can and no more.