To think friend was disrespectful

MissAdventure

It's quite possible to tell someone you think they're being unreasonable without all the vitriol.
Some of you should try it sometime.

Yet you laughed at a really nasty post addressed to me yesterday which was very quickly removed by HQ

ExaltedWombat

Ok. You felt rather overdressed for this occasion, and want to blame someone. Understandable I suppose. But let it go.

Why are you twisting the OP's words?

I live in jeans of various colours after years of being ‘suited and booted’. I now have two dresses to my name - a black one in case of funerals and the dress and jacket I bought for son’s wedding which would make me feel overdressed anywhere but the Ritz I think. No skirts either. I have a nice black trouser suit that I drag out if need be. I hate the idea of dressing up nowadays. I suspect OP would not approve of my clothes but they are clean and frankly I don’t give a sh*t what anyone else thinks now.

If she was really scruffy, grubby or smelly you have a point. If she was clean and tidy YABU.

I never wear makeup (I have never owned any). I don’t own a skirt or dress. I’m currently wearing joggers and a baggy t-shirt so would change if going out for a meal but if I was wearing clean jeans and a jumper I probably wouldn’t.

Everyone to their own.

Wow. Judgemental much. What's it like to be perfect?

You are being a tad silly.
For one, it's not your concern.
Two, what does it matter?
Three, I'm sure the couple didn't even notice what either were wearing
Let it go. Its not your problem. Its not even a problem

For goodness sake be reasonable,they were very kind to treat you to a meal there wasnt any dress code for the plase so I presume she dressed as she thought fit,she didnt have to "dress up" just for you. She might not have felt too well and thought what she was wearing wasnt a problem .
I hope you enjoyed the meal despite your judgement.

I'm just going to say "Wow" to the fact that there has been 7 pages of reactions to this post. Having read quite a few of the original posters previous posts I have often thought there was something not quite true about their content. In this one, it was the fact that she showed it to her friend (weird) and her friend said "Wow". I am in my seventies and have a wide circle of friends of a similar age but the word "Wow" is not one that trips of our tongues which makes me think it is definitely a wind up.

Actually, beswitched, I laughed at the audacity of the person who directed her nasty comment to you.

A wind up, Grayling? By a long-term member and regular poster?

janeainsworth

^Define "dress up". So far I'm getting the impression it just means don't look ordinary or dull in the opinion of judgmental people^.

Wearing something that I wouldn’t wear round the house or garden or go hiking in or wear on the boat, that I personally like, feel is stylish and feel good in.
Wearing some jewellery with it.
I would put make up on but I don’t think it’s an essential part of dressing up.
Nothing to do with other people, except that I’d conform with norms around occasions such as weddings, funerals or other celebrations.

All this sounds perfectly fine to me, janea, but I think you would extend your politeness to not publicly criticising the clothing choice of someone you went out with. To me that is the problem with the opening post: it is shockingly and rudely judgmental about the so-called friend.

I'm wondering now how well known the two neighbourly helpers were to each other because, if the OP knew her 'friend' well, she might have known to suggest a little dressing up because the couple who were treating them would expect it.

Just as a by the by, people's dress at the last two funerals I went to, one for a very old person and one for an 18 year old, covered just about all the variations of respectable that one could imagine. The young woman's parents asked people to wear bright colours in memory of their bright (in all senses of the word) daughter.

I realise I didn't really mean it was a wind up Maggiemaybe - more a "manufactured" post and basically I don't understand why OP would have posted it.

Some of us have priorities other than dressing up for a meal, even if it is a treat. It could be that your friend did shnower, and then put on the same clothes again, for reasons of her own. Why are you being judgmental, though? It's not as if she knew the couple was going to get dressed up, and she did it delibertaely, to disrespect them? If you were together, you know that she didn not do gardening or housework in the clothes, so as long as she was clean and neat, I'd say you are nit-picking to comment, and your attitude marred your enjoyment of the event. Her appearance was an affront to you, but her compnay was a pleasure to the couple. That is what matters, because it's not about you, you know.

Totally unreasonable to place that expectation on your friend. You might lose her if you continue to be so judgemental.

We may have wildly differing notions of what constitutes “dressing up” to go out.
Would it be intrusive to ask OP what she was wearing, what the other elderly lady was wearing and what the friend was wearing , so that we had a better idea of her expectations?

First world problems.

167 posts and still going!

(168 now)

169 now, Bet oldwoman70 is surprised, her friend too.

MissAdventure

Actually, beswitched, I laughed at the audacity of the person who directed her nasty comment to you.

Apologies. It looked as if you found it amusing and I was upset as you are a poster who speaks a lot of common sense.

Genuinely sorry for taking you up wrong

Oh that's fine.
No problem at all. I was just shocked at what was said to you.

She is a good friend and you showed her this post so why could you not have just said that you thought she was underdressed but you are going onto social media to see what others think.

Odd that you would have showed her this post though. Is she still your friend?

Anyway, what did you all eat?
Was it a good meal?

If you are friendly enough to show your friend this thread why on earth did you ask us in the first place and not just say something to her at the time
What a very very strange thread
I m scratching my head as to why you posted in the first
place ??

Cant believe what I have just read or that you can remember the clothes someone was wearing. Why does in matter to you so much?

I agree with you. I can see how some people don't mind what other people wear but I tend to try to make an effort when I go out especially as someone else was paying, it just seems polite, I don't go out that much at the moment so why would I want to go out in what I've been sitting sitting around all day in.