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AIBU

To have been upset by this encounter today

(191 Posts)
Beswitched Sat 19-Mar-22 19:53:48

A young mum was having a go at an elderly man who had parked in a p&c space. He was trying to explain he had a blue badge and I could also see an elderly woman in the car beside him
He remained courteous throughout while she became shriller and shriller. I complained to customer services and they said they would sort it out.

But what makes people behave like this? It was so rude, aggressive and unkind.

As I was leaving the man's car was in the space and the self entitled young mother had presumably been told to park elsewhere.

Doodledog Sat 19-Mar-22 20:00:34

It sounds as though it was a horrible thing to witness.

We don't know the backstory though. The young woman might have been at the end of her tether for some reason. Perhaps her child was also disabled, or she was ill, or any number of things, and this was the last straw.

She might have just been intolerant and unpleasant - but there again, so might he.

crazyH Sat 19-Mar-22 20:01:44

We’ll done to you and to the Store manager?

crazyH Sat 19-Mar-22 20:03:46

Well

Beswitched Sat 19-Mar-22 20:08:28

Doodledog

It sounds as though it was a horrible thing to witness.

We don't know the backstory though. The young woman might have been at the end of her tether for some reason. Perhaps her child was also disabled, or she was ill, or any number of things, and this was the last straw.

She might have just been intolerant and unpleasant - but there again, so might he.

No he was very polite and kept trying to explain to her. She just kept shouting.

lixy Sat 19-Mar-22 20:09:19

No, you are not being unreasonable. Witnessing any kind of confrontation is upsetting regardless of the circumstances; all the more so if it feels unfair.
You made a great call to get help from the store rather than wade in yourself - not sure I would have been so clear thinking.

Shinamae Sat 19-Mar-22 20:14:52

Beswitched

A young mum was having a go at an elderly man who had parked in a p&c space. He was trying to explain he had a blue badge and I could also see an elderly woman in the car beside him
He remained courteous throughout while she became shriller and shriller. I complained to customer services and they said they would sort it out.

But what makes people behave like this? It was so rude, aggressive and unkind.

As I was leaving the man's car was in the space and the self entitled young mother had presumably been told to park elsewhere.

Good for you..?

Pammie1 Sat 19-Mar-22 20:15:05

I have a blue badge and I’ve had this dilemma. In my experience at my local supermarket, parents have no problem parking in a disabled space if there are no parent and child spaces left, so if there are no BB spaces left I have no problem taking a P&C space. I’ve even been confronted with pregnant women parking in disabled spaces. I’m a wheelchair user and I don’t think people realise how difficult it is to manoeuvre a wheelchair in an ordinary parking space - the wider ones are so that a wheelchair can be unloaded and the user can get around the space and access doors etc.

Beswitched Sat 19-Mar-22 20:21:28

Yes both of my parents needed disabled spaces in their later years. I don't think some people realise how essential they are, and how much more necessary than p&c spaces. The latter are helpful of course, but not the lifeline that disabled spaces are.

No parent should ever use a disabled space as a substitute for a p&c space. The other way around is perfectly justified.

Blossoming Sat 19-Mar-22 21:01:36

I have a blue badge, and I wouldn’t park in a p&c space. It’s never occurred to me that do so. I don’t drive now, so if we can’t find a disabled space Mr. B will drop me off and park elsewhere. I appreciate for those who don’t have a Mr. B to chauffeur them the situation must be very different.

Hetty58 Sat 19-Mar-22 21:04:31

Beswitched, yes, that's exactly how I understand it. Still, there's always the 'Me, me, me!' brigade with no manners and no respect. I would have waded straight in with my opinion, though, before informing the staff.

Patsy70 Sat 19-Mar-22 21:23:07

I think you did the right thing, Beswitched. Why are people so angry all the time? There really is no excuse for rudeness Doodledog. sad

GrandmaSeaDragon Sat 19-Mar-22 21:24:42

Well done Beswitched, it’s horrible to witness this sort of thing. Younger people don’t comprehend the problems those who have blue badges face when trying to find a designated space. When my Dad was still driving, he used to insist on going out very early as that was the only time there would be free blue badge spaces in any of his local supermarkets and this was over 10 years ago. Of course, when I (and I expect a lot of others on GN) had our babies and young children, there weren’t parent and child spaces. However did we cope?!!

Farzanah Sat 19-Mar-22 21:25:16

I used to take my elderly mother shopping and she had a blue badge. Often tricky to find space in disabled parking, so legitimately, I think, parked in p&c space!

paddyann54 Sat 19-Mar-22 21:36:49

reallyPatsy70 life is one stressful thing after another for most families now
.Maybe this was the straw that broke the camels back for the young woman .
I know my daughter often had a hard time because she doesn't LOOK disabled and got shedloads of abuse off elderly folk for parking in "their" space .It works both ways. .
She often called me in tears because of some wee eegit who thought he was more entitled than she was .
Sadly my daughter isn't allowed to drive anymore so its not a problem but I can assure you there are a lot of entitled older people around who can make others feel stressed too.
Maybe just understand that life is more than hard for a lot of us before taking sides in any carpark

SueDonim Sat 19-Mar-22 21:37:07

As I understand it, disabled parking is covered by the law but there is no legal requirement for P&C places.

I don’t think the possibility of someone being under stress is an excuse for the bullying behaviour you describe, Beswitched. It never gains anyone anything.

ElaineI Sat 19-Mar-22 23:52:11

Does sound like the Mum was OTT but in my area there are way more disabled spaces than P&C spaces and in some places the normal spaces are much further to walk. I use a P&C space with DGC as it is safer and there is so much more to carry even if you don't have a buggy, also the car doors need opening to their fullest to get a toddler out a car seat so I have been annoyed if a blue badge person has parked in one and I have had to park in a smaller space however would not confront anyone. Regarding normal spaces - not everyone who has mobility problems has a blue badge and if they are far away because the nearer spaces are disabled spaces then I have had to hirple to the store getting there in pain and flustered. Regarding the post - if I had parked in the wrong space and been confronted I would have moved. The young mother might have been up most of the night with her child/baby, she might have had to deal with a tantruming toddler or she might have PND - no one knows what someone else has had to cope with in the period before. If I saw that happening - unless there was violence, I would neither intervene nor complain to customer services. chances are they sorted it themselves anyway.

Hetty58 Sun 20-Mar-22 00:09:49

ElaineI, I remember (so well) being up all night with baby, toddler having constant tantrums etc. - and walking two miles with four kids - just to get what would fit in a box under the pram! Some people just don't even know they're born!

BlueSky Sun 20-Mar-22 00:40:00

Those were the days Hetty we either walked or got on the bus with toddlers, pushchairs and shopping! Talk about stress!

SueDonim Sun 20-Mar-22 00:40:28

Having a child, or even four children like I did, is a choice and not a disability. We all have bad days, not just parents.

BlueBelle Sun 20-Mar-22 05:46:37

I had the reverse happen I was walking two abreast on the pavement at a reasonable pace towards a zebra crossing when I could feel something behind me I was walking on the inside I didn’t turn round but suddenly an elderly man whooshed past me on the inside of the pavement in a large plastic encased mobility scooter he was so close he knocked my arm As we stopped at the zebra crossing I knocked on his window and indicated that he had hit my arm he did apologise but then whizzed off over the zebra crossing without waiting for the green light and nearly knocked a child on the opposite pavement

Baggs Sun 20-Mar-22 07:55:53

Someone shared this on my FB recentlyand this thread made me think of it:

The Soul Journey with Sarah Moussa

The journey is short

An elderly woman got on a bus and sat down. At the next stop, a strong, grumpy young woman climbed up and sat down sharply beside the old woman, hitting her with her numerous bags.
When she saw that the elderly woman remained silent, the young woman asked her why she had not complained when she hit her with her bags.
The elderly woman replied with a smile: ′ ′ There is no need to be rude or discuss something so insignificant, as my trip next to you is so short because I am going to get off at the next stop. "
This answer deserves to be written in gold letters: ′ ′ There is no need to discuss something so insignificant, because our journey together is too short. "
Each of us must understand that our time in this world is so short, that darkening with struggles, useless arguments, jealousy, not forgiving others, discontent and an attitude of constant discovery is a ridiculous waste of time and energy.
Did someone break your heart ?. Stay calm.
The trip is too short.
Did someone betray you, intimidate, cheat or humiliate you? Relax. Excuse. The trip is too short.
Did someone insult you without reason ?. Stay calm. Ignore it. The trip is too short.
Did a neighbor comment on the chat that you didn't like ?. Stay calm. Ignore him. Forgive that. The trip is too short.
Whatever the problem someone has brought us, remember that our journey together is too short.
No one knows the length of that trip. Nobody knows when it will arrive at its stop. Our trip together is too short.
We will appreciate friends and family.
Let us be respectful, kind and forgive, we will be filled with gratitude and joy, after all our trip together is very short.
UNKNOWN

Blondiescot Sun 20-Mar-22 08:46:31

We also need to bear in mind that not all disabilities are obvious. My friend regularly gets abuse for parking in a blue badge space, despite the fact that she does have a blue badge for her teenage daughter, who is autistic and severely visually impaired - yet she's been challenged by people who have told her it doesn't look like there is anything wrong with her daughter!

Patsy70 Sun 20-Mar-22 08:53:24

paddyann54 I do understand ‘stress’ believe me. But, as I said, there really is no excuse for rudeness from anyone, whether they’re young or old.

Beswitched Sun 20-Mar-22 09:07:29

I agree Patsy70. Anyone can bé going through a stressful time but shouting at other people in public places doesn't help anyone. I remember a man being very sarcastic and calling something rude out of his car window to me a few months ago. He was apparently angry that I hadn't waved a thank you at him for waiting to let me pull out. I hadn't noticed. I'd spent all day sitting with my mother who was dying of cancer and in horrendous pain. She actually died the following day.
He may have been having a bad day, but I was having one of the worst days of my life and he made it just a bit more unpleasant.

The fact that you're stressed really doesn't mean you can unfairly upset someone else.
This man wasn't rude or confrontational. He just obviously needed the space and got there first.