DIL insults our heritage

I have a short wick and this would really set me off. Sometimes it’s necessary to almost scare someone with your temper to set things straight and up with this I would not put! Bad language, derision? Are you man (woman) or mouse?

My late MIL was a bully, but when she saw me fired up, she soon backed off.
(I grew up in inner city Liverpool BTW 👍)

She’s very rude and must be unhappy. I would arrange to meet with her somewhere neutral and try to sort it out, say how her remarks hurt you as you really want to get on with her. Find out why she want to belittle her husbands family. If you are met with hostility though, from now on I would have as little contact as I could and you both need distance but if you have to meet, agree no more put downs and snide remarks.

I don't think you can do anything about it. She is insecure and is unlikely to change - but your grandson can learn the truth. His father should really speak up more I feel - and explain to him that good and not so good is everywhere including Somerset!
I'd hope your son tries to make sure they travel a bit.

Low contact

My parents came from up North and moved the family down South when I was little. I suppose I am quite well spoken but would love to have a Northern accent! Don’t people from Somerset talk like pirates? I have a brother who mocks our Northern relatives on Facebook and it makes me cringe. I think he is secretly jealous that he never got to be a Northerner! I don’t understand what there is to mock, to be honest. It must be nice to be a perfect Somersetion if that’s even a word! Incidentally I am proud of all my ancestors who worked in cotton mills and mines. They were the life blood of the country.

I'd just totally ignore the comments - as pride would prevent me from revealing that they upset me at all. It's just sticks and stones, after all.

Your SON needs to handle this.

We have a name for those sorts where I’m from Lady Muck from Turd Hill. I think this is more about her insecurities than anything. I would be vocalising the Lady Muck quote but I am not terribly good at masking 😂

Does she have a sense of humour? Could it be that she doesn't actually have a sense of humour herself, but has heard people make jokes about 'Northerners' or Southerners' and seen people laugh once.

So now, she keeps repeating these offensive remarks thinking that they are funny, not understanding that they are hurtful?

Smile

As a fellow northener and proud of the fact I think advice from Monica is spot on. Turn the tables on her (nicely of course) and see how she reacts.

She sounds awful. I sometimes wonder if folk like her need to do this sort of thing because inside they know are lacking. I left teaching through stress and went to work in Tesco.

A man came through my checkout discussing classical music with his partner, he stopped and looked at me and said "Of course YOU won't know anything about classical music ! " I told him I had been listening to Beethoven's Archduke Trio in the car on the way into work ( which I had) and he shut up.

In your case I think the idea of making her explain her comments might be an idea. Oh, so why do you feel that.....? then when she witters on, calmly say Well I don't agree with you on that point.

I am mostly bad at asserting myself but I do know that the idea is to

Know what you want to say
Be specific
Repeat as often as necessary.

Good luck !!

It is bad enough that your DIL is insulting you, but to teach her child. That is totally, way out of order …

Try to ignore her comments, they are rude and ignorant. One of our sons married a girl from Birmingham who 'looked down' on Northerners and used to be inclined to make rude comments until her mother told us that they had to send her for elocution lessons to get rid of her Brummie accent - put her in her place really.

I have a slight scouse accent being from Prescot near Liverpool and I went to school in Liverpool. Occasionally my DH will make a disparaging comment but I'm always very quick to bite back - well you chose to marry one or similar and nip it in the bud . I d it her know with a quick answer if she was insulting my home . You could always say something like better than being a wurzel in a light hearted way but really making your point underneath .

Namsnanny

VioletSky

Ask her to explain what she means until she gets uncomfortable

That's a good way to handle it

As Elegran says, smiling all the while, ask, ‘ Now I wonder why you always feel the need to say that. Could you tell us exactly what has given you that opinion?’.

Grannypalmtree, I suppose that saying, ‘ Oh I agree. It’s full of uneducated people who smoke and drink heavily and don’t care about their appearance’ would go right above her head?

As you moved there to be close it would be a shame to fall out, but I would be tempted to ask her if she is alright as she has only recently started to say this.

Maybe the drinking is more of a problem than you think which may be the cause of the unkempt appearance. You can do nothing about this of course apart from being a stable and loving part of the grandchildren's life.

And if drink proves to be a problem get thee to AlAnon for good advice.

I strongly suggest you do not reply in kind - be the person you want to be, not drawn into what you see as bad behaviour. But you could find an appropriate time to say something like 'When you say XYZ . You may think it is a joke, but I feel hurt and that you are disparaging us/me. I am asking you to stop making comments of this kind' Stay calm - do not get hooked into an angry exchange.

Does she make the same sort of jokes (i.e. teasing insults) to other people? It might be that she just doesn't realise that she's being hurtful, and its how her family and friends interact . Without being overly confrontational, could you say something like 'I find that quite hurtful' next time she says something, and see how she takes it?

Yes ignor it don’t rise to it but he here’s a thought - how comes she married a common northerner then ? I’m from Scunthorpe ( joke town for years and banned from hospital research apparently because of the middle section of the name ) . Oh dear 🤨

stuff likes this makes me angry,as ive got one too.Ive kept my mouth closed on too many occasions in the past,ie nasty snipes etc,when there was absolutely no reason for it,no more ,i put mine firmly in her place several years ago.They are sick, nasty, whatever, I tried to like her in the past,but now , i am indifferent . also where is your son in this? Mine's a wimp in my opinion,these type of people are about control, for me , if it means the worst, ie being cut off ,so be it. No bowing down to these sick individuals.

I noticed you stated that your DIL drinks and smokes heavily and has an unkempt appearance.
Is there a chance she has an alcohol problem, does she make these nasty and uncalled for comments whilst under the influence of alcohol?

I think I’d tell your son that it upsets you.