AIBU or do I need to move with the times?

When we WALKED home from school. 🙃

Please don't let your own anxiety stop your gc from growing her independence

She might not have a cellphone but how about an appletag, a watch with GPS and limited call capabilities?

Her parents and her are happy with how this is going - grandparents have no vote in parental decisions

My GS, just turned 6, slipped the net at home time and walked home alone across a busy road. He was sat on the doorstep waiting for his mum and sister.

For older children at this school, parents have to state that their children have their consent to walk home alone.

To OP, I personally would feel happier meeting her on after school club nights during dark evenings.

For Heaven's sake stop mollycoddling this child. If she is nine, she should know the following: road drill, not to talk to strangers, her name, address and parents' and your phone numbers.

Tell her, what we all were told when going out on our own: if she is scared by anyone to go into the nearest shop and ask a woman for help. Or if by any strange chance there should be a policeman or woman in uniform, then that is the person to ask for help.

And if her parents are willing to let her walk home, then bite your tongue. She is their daughter, not yours, after all.

I presume the child will not be walking a mile or so along an unlit country lane in the dusk, will she?

A child of nine should be able to make her own way to and from school- I am all for letting children be children, but this does not mean treating nine or ten year olds like toddlers.

I've skimmed the replies.
I agree that you / parents should do the route (of course you do!) but looking specifically at places she might get help. My DGCs walked at this age with such things in place - there were only a few yards where there wasn't a 'known' shop or house to call in to. The local shopkeepers keep an eye out for the children.
I agree that 'mollycoddled' children are actually most at risk.
Awhile ago, at a public pool where I was changing, I saw a teenage girl (by which I mean post-pubertal) in a bikini in tears in the corridor. Of course I asked if she was OK. She had come swimming in a pool she didn't know, with her father (of course in the other changing room). Once settled (member of staff sent to find dad) she said she didn't want to ask anyone the way in to the pool, so as not to talk to strangers! Standing in a fairly isolated corridor (it's a sloghtly odd set up) sobbing felt more risky to me than asking someone!
So IMHO helping kids navigate minor upsets is actually healthy.
Hope you can sort something out

I can completely understand your concerns about your Gd walking to and from school on her own, as I have the same misgivings myself. Our Gd spends half of the week with her mum and the other half with DS. On the days she’s with Ds she gets driven to school as we live in a different village to her mum. So no concerns there, but we recently found out she sometimes walks to school her self when at her mums. The road to school is quite remote and passes an industrial estate, none of her friends live in the same part of the village so she is alone, the other option isn’t any better is through a wooded area then via waste ground. We can’t say anything to her mum, as she would stop my son from having her with him. My heart breaks every time she has to go back to her mums. A woman my Dh talks to went going to the post office told him her mum never turned up one night after the youth group she went and she told the lady she’d walk home herself, thankfully the lady intervened and one of the youth club staff agreed to take her home, but we don’t know how often this happened. She’s very reserved about telling us what happens at her mums house.

Hithere

Please don't let your own anxiety stop your gc from growing her independence

She might not have a cellphone but how about an appletag, a watch with GPS and limited call capabilities?

Her parents and her are happy with how this is going - grandparents have no vote in parental decisions

Exactly why are grandparents even getting worked up about this. I can never understand all this involvement of what GCs should or should not be doing, it is quite frankly none of your business only the parents. What they say go. I know your daughter asked OP, does that mean she is not sure herself about this, yet when you responded she bit back. My advice is never to comment. My answers are always 'that has to be your decision' I walked to and from school from the age of 5. Ten minutes walk crossing one main Road with a pedestrian crossing and trams going through every 5 minutes. No problem at all, I also had a key on a piece of string around my neck inside my clothes. I lived in the city. I was never in danger.

grandtanteJE65

For Heaven's sake stop mollycoddling this child. If she is nine, she should know the following: road drill, not to talk to strangers, her name, address and parents' and your phone numbers.

Tell her, what we all were told when going out on our own: if she is scared by anyone to go into the nearest shop and ask a woman for help. Or if by any strange chance there should be a policeman or woman in uniform, then that is the person to ask for help.

And if her parents are willing to let her walk home, then bite your tongue. She is their daughter, not yours, after all.

I presume the child will not be walking a mile or so along an unlit country lane in the dusk, will she?

A child of nine should be able to make her own way to and from school- I am all for letting children be children, but this does not mean treating nine or ten year olds like toddlers.

Perfect answer as usual

Put an airbtag in her coat

Most children are far more sensible and street wise than adults give them credit for. We've become a society that molly coddles our children and doesn't give them the freedom the need to grow and develop as people. Is she a sensible child? Can she cross the road safely? If yes, then let her do it.

I walked to school on my own as a child but that was 60yr ago and all kids walked then,so safety in numbers.
Traffic was barely negligible so not too much risk of getting dragged into one unlike today.
I bought my out old grandaughter a mobile phone and commited to being on video call with her and from school for nearly 2 yrs.Her route went down a main road with no shops,up through a isolated housing estate and crossing a very busy road.I taught her how to be alert to everything and anyone around also road safety.Sheveas adamant she wanted to do it and was really scared but wanted to be more street wise.No friends from school walked.It was very stressful for us both but when she went to secondary school,if she had to walk home(45mins)she was much more confident to do so.It was well worth it for her.

I think we worry more in general as grandparents. I allowed my son to do things at Primary school age when I was in my 30s but would be horrified if he allowed his children to do them - eg heading off on his bike, swimming in the sea, jumping into the sea from a boat and yes ..walking or cycling home from school at age 9 or 10. Different times now or maybe I'm just older .

pascal30

I would start off with her walking to school in the morning, but I would follow her at a discrete distance for the first few times. I would not allow her to walk home alone on the 3 evenings after activities..

She would learn an important lesson..compromise

I like this compromise.

It is her parent's decision. Probably the school SUGGESTS they can walk to school.

I’m astonished at how independent and “grown up” my great nieces are at ages 10 and 13. But they were raised in a more progressive home than I was 70 some years ago. Times have changed.

I agree that if she strikes out on her own she’d need a device of some kind in case of emergency. But you sure hate to give them a smart phone at that age.

I’ve heard of *burner phones” where capabilities are limited to just calling/texting? I’m not even sure. They’re kind of a temporary, throw away device at some point. Check into it.

Compromise does not apply here lol

My granddaughter is 9 and there is no way that either her mother or myself would let her travel to or from school on her own. She's not particularly mature but no less mature than most other girls that she knows.
Fortunately we're in a pretty safe area and most of the local schools are close to the main road and bus stops, but she's honestly not up to crossing roads on her own, except at pelican crossings.
My daughter (youngest of four children) was more mature at her age, and I used to let her walk the last couple of hundred yards on her own at this age. In her case I had always done most of the journey by car with the last part on foot. This was very safe, with no roads to cross at all, and many people walking in the area.
I'm sure that in two years time my granddaughter will be much more mature and ready for the solo journey to secondary school, which is likely to use exactly the same bus stops as her primary.

My GSs and parents spent a year in Berlin aged 10 and 13. It was completely taken for granted that they would take themselves to school on the U-Bahn (underground).

35 years ago my 9y/o was pushing for this and in the end, I said yes. About a mile, half of it on a rural road with no footpath, but they walked it every day and had learned to be sensible. The first day she did it, walking under some trees, a large bird fell down onto her head and landed stunned on the ground at her feet. This was not a scenario we had discussed! Luckily, a passing (adult) stranger took charge, and after checking that she was fine and reassuring her that the bird (a hawk I think) would be also fine they sent her on her way. She arrived home quite shaken but we do laugh about it now.

Gransthebest

I walked to school on my own as a child but that was 60yr ago and all kids walked then,so safety in numbers.
Traffic was barely negligible so not too much risk of getting dragged into one unlike today.
I bought my out old grandaughter a mobile phone and commited to being on video call with her and from school for nearly 2 yrs.Her route went down a main road with no shops,up through a isolated housing estate and crossing a very busy road.I taught her how to be alert to everything and anyone around also road safety.Sheveas adamant she wanted to do it and was really scared but wanted to be more street wise.No friends from school walked.It was very stressful for us both but when she went to secondary school,if she had to walk home(45mins)she was much more confident to do so.It was well worth it for her.

The rates at which children are abducted and killed by strangers is remarkably consistent and has absolutely not increased over the years. This is a false fear. Most children are still (sadly) killed by family members. Even worse, the emphasis on stranger danger fails to equip children to protect themselves from abuse by people they now. This is also not worse than it has been as historic abuse cases show.

I understand your anxiety. If your daughter didn’t want to know your opinion why did she ask you!?
If she can be collected, I think she should be, with a gradual change so she walks a little ahead, say, so she gets used to it, over the next year. Much must depend on the route, traffic and how mature your gd looks and behaves. Ultimately of course it’s down to the parents so I’d try not to worry.

As had been said Y5 children differ and routes to school do too. I agree that it’s not the school’s place to say this and it’s not to do with safeguarding. If a Y5’s parent doesn’t turn up to meet them then they can’t just allow the child to walk home alone. The parent might have been held up somewhere which could mean there was no one at home. I would challenge the school about this and query them about example situations such as above.

Children managed to get to and from school wichout phones when we were kids. However the world is very different now.

If her parents dont want her to have a smart phone they could buy her a small basic feature phone from the Supermarket for use in an emergency. So no danger of her scrolling through screens or accessing dubious material on the internet. That would be my solution.

Children need to learn independence and self reliance. At her age I used to get the tram to my grandmothers (if I had the money) or walk for 20 minutes across Liverpool.

Very difficult to say when we don't know the location, route or length of journey. Personally I would not like a child of that age to be walking home in the dark but think it's OK during daylight and of course it does depend to some extent on the child, are they confident of crossing roads, aware of stranger danger etc.
When my GD first started walking to school on her own in inner city London, her dad used to follow at a lengthy distance for a couple of weeks to make sure she was OK but this was done during the summer months when we had light nights and mornings.

I think we panic even more with our grandchildren but I agree with you I wouldn’t want my grandchildren to walk home in the dark at any age time enough when she’s in high school when you have to leave them go