Not

I hope this is a wake-up call for her. If you can’t miss a meal you’d booked when on a ‘much needed’ holiday (be honest, how much of your holiday would you have lost?) you’re obviously not going to be of any help at all if you decided to move two hours away (which in itself is odd given your daughter’s situation).

Sara1954

I might have questioned the rights and wrongs of it afterwards, but I would been straight there, twenty minutes away is nothing, I’m not sure I’m totally understanding this, why are you on holiday only twenty minutes away?

We used to live in the area and went back to the area for a holiday to visit friends etc.

We lived there for a long time before that which is why I was emergency contact.

If you imagine it, I was north and my daughter’s home was 30minutes away from me (south) and the school was in the middle of us both. Her job is about 30 minutes in the other direction (further south)

I think I am still down as emergency just because she had forgotten about replacing it not because she actually would expect us to do anything in normal circumstances. There have been a couple of times where the youngest ones school has called me about medication and the likes, as because she works in the medical field she often can’t take emergency calls when at work.

Barleyfields

I hope this is a wake-up call for her. If you can’t miss a meal you’d booked when on a ‘much needed’ holiday (be honest, how much of your holiday would you have lost?) you’re obviously not going to be of any help at all if you decided to move two hours away (which in itself is odd given your daughter’s situation).

Why is it odd?
We are now living in an area with many more of my husbands family around. His parents are also frail (late 80s) and need my help more.

So your husband's family need your help but your grandson didn't? Right.

Sparklyhairgran
Thankyou for the clarification, I guess you need to come off the emergency contact list, but does your daughter have anyone else she can depend on? And if a child is upset and in pain, wouldn’t he rather see his granny turn up than a friend or neighbor?
Not meaning to be critical, but I don’t suppose it happens very often.

I think you and I are of like mind about the situation GrandmaBatty.

Did your daughter know you were on holiday?
Unless your daughter was on call or involved in an operation I think she should have gone; consent might have been needed for treatment at the hospital. Most work places are reasonable about medical emergencies.
Equally, I would have driven. My parents did it for me when my son was injured because it was my first week back at work, new job, and they were minutes away. As it was, I reached A & E (drove like Jehu) as they were coming out and there was no injury.
Again, your daughter is foolish treating you like the hired help and cancelling a visit as a punishment. She needs you.

There have been a couple of times where the youngest ones school has called me about medication and the likes, as because she works in the medical field she often can’t take emergency calls when at work.

I'd politely suggest your daughter needs an agreed system whereby she can be contacted by the school if need be.
Any other time you would have been two hours away anyway.

I am still confused here. Why couldn't the mum have gone to the school? She would surely have been able to leave work? Instead she asks GP to collect child from school and meet there at A&E?
How did the child eventually get to the hospital?
It seems there is poor communication going on here, between all parties including the school.
I'm not sure how I would have dealt with this myself if I'm honest...but there are some communication issues to be sorted here for sure. Meanwhile I feel sorry for the kids...

eazybee

Did your daughter know you were on holiday?
Unless your daughter was on call or involved in an operation I think she should have gone; consent might have been needed for treatment at the hospital. Most work places are reasonable about medical emergencies.
Equally, I would have driven. My parents did it for me when my son was injured because it was my first week back at work, new job, and they were minutes away. As it was, I reached A & E (drove like Jehu) as they were coming out and there was no injury.
Again, your daughter is foolish treating you like the hired help and cancelling a visit as a punishment. She needs you.

She is involved with doing colonoscopies at the local big hospital so I think that’s why it took a while for the message to be passed on to her as she was with a patient and then had to get cover.
Basically from first phone call from the school to her (then me when she didn’t answer) and her getting to the school was only about 2.5 hours.

Eventually she did go with him to hospital and ended up getting home very late as a result, and when I said something like “oh you just be tired.” She just said “I’m done.”

My other daughter thinks it’s the opposite - that she’s not using this time at Easter IN CASE she needs me for future emergencies, but as I’m so far away usually I’m not sure what help I would be. You are all right I’m going to tell her to take me off the emergency list.

Half-term?

keepingquiet

I am still confused here. Why couldn't the mum have gone to the school? She would surely have been able to leave work? Instead she asks GP to collect child from school and meet there at A&E?
How did the child eventually get to the hospital?
It seems there is poor communication going on here, between all parties including the school.
I'm not sure how I would have dealt with this myself if I'm honest...but there are some communication issues to be sorted here for sure. Meanwhile I feel sorry for the kids...

See above - she went in the end and got child from school and then took him to A&E, it’s just that she didn’t get the message until an hour after the school phoned due to her work. Then it’s about. 45-50m drive from her work to the school. Sorry if I’m not being clear.

Grandmabatty

So your husband's family need your help but your grandson didn't? Right.

Indeed.

keepingquiet seems right in seeing communication problems here. I know I’d drive through fire for my grandchildren but I have someone close who isn’t a confident driver, so is ne er expected to drive even in emergencies.
One pint of beer wouldn’t have stopped mr I driving if a grandchild needed him. Not that he ever had a drink if he knew he’d be driving
It sounds a muddle and a mess that’s going to need apologies and clear honest communication

First, you shouldn't have been an emergency contact while away on holiday and there should have been a back up
BUT
20 miles is no distance, and a dinner reservation no excuse if he had been really injured.
Years ago I had dropped GS1 (aged 15 months) off at nursery before driving the 75 miles home. (I used to do this once a week picking him up the afternoon before staying over to let D stay late at the office and be in early the next day. ) then I would drive home in time to pick DH up at his blood clinic.
Nursery rang me almost as I got in the door saying GS was poorly and they couldn't contact D who was actually up the Oxo tower in London with her team and no signal , and SIL speaking at a conference in Manchester with his phone off.
So I turned round and drove straight back ( 1 1/2 hours) while nursery continued to try D and SIL's phones. I rang the Dr and got an appointment for GS - as it turned out SIL made it back.in time to take him.
And me?
I just drove home again!

PS I asked nursery what they would have done if they couldn't get a response from anybody and the answer was Social Services. 😱
Think on!

It sounds like your daughter has a very demanding job within the NHS and can't just 'leave' straight away, as much as she might want too.
Does she have anyone else? I feel a bit sorry for her reading this bit..

Eventually she did go with him to hospital and ended up getting home very late as a result, and when I said something like “oh you just be tired.” She just said “I’m done.”

Next time you go on holiday, sparkly, tell your daughter (if she has stopped huffing by then) that you won't be available as the emergency contact for the duration of the holiday.

In your position I wouldn't be the emergency contact anyway as two hours away from the school is too far. If you had been at home when the child injured his ankle, the school would have had to look after him until someone could collect him anyway and his mum would probably have gone because that would have been quicker than you going.

Your not being a confident driver also needs to be taken into account.

I suggest you stop being the emergency contact for your grandkids. It really doesn't sound like a sensible arrangement given how far away you are. I'm another who's wondering where these children's dads are.

If you've got this far, here's true story that might make you feel better. When I was fifteen or sixteen, one of my brothers (10 or 11 at the time) fell out of a conker tree at my dad's college and suffered injuries to his face. I was at home making pastry for an apple pie for our Sunday lunch. Our parents were at Mass (we kids, five of us, had been to an earlier one).
A couple of students had picked bro up, bundled him into their student van and brought him home. When I explained that our parents were at church, the students offered to take bro to hospital as he obviously need stitches – I went to have a look at him in the back of the van. His face was a mess but he seemed okay otherwise, if rather in shock. I thanked them and they did.
When Mum and Dad got back I told them the story. Mum groaned and said, "Let's have a coffee before we go." Which they did. Then they went to collect bro from hospital.
Because bro had been put in a wheelchair when he arrived at hospital and possibly had his injuries stitched up while he was still in it, nobody noticed that he couldn't walk as he'd also injured an ankle. So he had to be taken back to hospital to have that checked. It wasn't broken, thankfully.
Back then GPs did things like taking stitches out at one's home. When this happened the GP said "I don't let my kids climb trees." Bro said "Why not?" 😅

Anyway, the point I'm making is that a possibly broken ankle is hardly life threatening so I think, along with one or two others, that mumsnetters (and some gransnetters) might have over-reacted a bit. I don't think a fourteen year old is going to be traumatised because he had to wait to have an ankle injury looked at. Schools used to have medical rooms where a child could wait to be collected. Don't they still?

It wasn't straightforward for you, as you explained. Don't feel guilty. I also agree with those who think the era of mobile phones and instant responses makes people impatient – not the child, but your daughter.

March

It sounds like your daughter has a very demanding job within the NHS and can't just 'leave' straight away, as much as she might want too.
Does she have anyone else? I feel a bit sorry for her reading this bit..

*Eventually she did go with him to hospital and ended up getting home very late as a result, and when I said something like “oh you just be tired.” She just said “I’m done.”*

Not really locally in terms of family.

Her ex husbands dad is still in the vicinity but health wise he isn’t good, and couldn’t really handle the youngest one alone (due to alcohol and liver issues.) She has a good mix of mum friends and supportive coworkers who also have children though, and can get people to watch the younger one if necessary, just they all work too so not in an emergency. Her partner is nice and gets on well with kids but he works all over the UK and is away frequently, so also difficulty in a situation like this.

She’s not spoken to me since that message other than to let me know she’s cancelled Easter, and even though I phoned her 20+ times this weekend (to find out why and make her change her mind) she seems to be just ignoring my calls and my messages remain unread. Very petty indeed.

If my grandson was injured I would go, never mind what ever else I was doing.

This reads like a selfish husband nor wanting to put himself out to help your daughter and grandson and you going along with whatever he wants.

[My husband] is a homebody. [My husband] prefers not to go to my daughter’s house. More of my husband’s family around where we live now. His parents are frail (and yet you were able to leave them to go on holiday). I’m betting he would have rushed home if they had had an emergency.

Alcohol metabolises at different rates for different people but most men would be fine to drive after only one pint of beer. If he really wasn’t fit to drive then you could have driven but chose not to. Bad roads? If you have a licence to drive you should be capable of driving on any road. If you had lived in the area for years before moving away, surely you were familiar with them?

If push came to shove and you were visiting friends, you could have asked one of them to help out. Or phoned for a taxi. Why didn't you do that?

Your 14 year old grandson was in pain with a possible broken ankle and all you could think about was missing dinner that evening. Why? Because you thought you might have to sit in A&E for a few hours?

People drive 20, 30, 40, 50 miles or more just to get to work every day. And then they drive home again … every day - five or six days a week. You wouldn’t travel 20 miles to help your young grandson. How long would it have taken? 30 minutes?

Stop making excuses for the pair of you and apologise to your daughter and grandson for not helping when you so easily could have done.

I don’t mean to be in any way rude or unpleasant, but are you for real?

Why on earth did you agree to be an emergency contact when you live so far away and don’t seem that keen to do it.

If it was my Grandchild and I was closer that normal, despite it really putting us out, I’d have gone straight away.

Phoning her 20 times is not going to help, she obviously does not want to speak to you. Your comment of “make her change her mind” is probably why she will not reply to your calls.

She might be feeling petty and probably a bit alone.
Your grandson is 14?
He knows his mom's job and he might be wondering why his nan didn't come and get him when he had a suspected broken ankle.
He also might be feeling hurt and not wanting to see you.

Your poor GS