Not

No contest - I would have dropped everything, my children and grandchildren come first, I can go out for a meal anytime. I couldn't enjoy myself, knowing my grandchild was in pain and I could have helped to comfort him. I'm not surprised your daughter is miffed.

I think my grandson, similar age, would have felt hurt if we didn’t go, I agree with March, your daughter and grandson are probably feeling ill treated.

Did the daughter not have any other stand ins? I know you can't just turn up at a school however.

Regardless of the details, if I personally could have made it to a grandchild in an emergency situation, I’m going. No dinner res or holiday is as important to me than my family. Everyone is different.

You decided your priorities, as is your right. Your daughter is deciding her priorities for the holiday, as is her right.

Relationship shifts are bound to happen when expectations are found to be mismatched. I don’t think one party or the other is wrong, nor is either side the other’s victim.

Baggs

Next time you go on holiday, sparkly, tell your daughter (if she has stopped huffing by then) that you won't be available as the emergency contact for the duration of the holiday.

In your position I wouldn't be the emergency contact anyway as two hours away from the school is too far. If you had been at home when the child injured his ankle, the school would have had to look after him until someone could collect him anyway and his mum would probably have gone because that would have been quicker than you going.

Your not being a confident driver also needs to be taken into account.

I suggest you stop being the emergency contact for your grandkids. It really doesn't sound like a sensible arrangement given how far away you are. I'm another who's wondering where these children's dads are.

If you've got this far, here's true story that might make you feel better. When I was fifteen or sixteen, one of my brothers (10 or 11 at the time) fell out of a conker tree at my dad's college and suffered injuries to his face. I was at home making pastry for an apple pie for our Sunday lunch. Our parents were at Mass (we kids, five of us, had been to an earlier one).
A couple of students had picked bro up, bundled him into their student van and brought him home. When I explained that our parents were at church, the students offered to take bro to hospital as he obviously need stitches – I went to have a look at him in the back of the van. His face was a mess but he seemed okay otherwise, if rather in shock. I thanked them and they did.
When Mum and Dad got back I told them the story. Mum groaned and said, "Let's have a coffee before we go." Which they did. Then they went to collect bro from hospital.
Because bro had been put in a wheelchair when he arrived at hospital and possibly had his injuries stitched up while he was still in it, nobody noticed that he couldn't walk as he'd also injured an ankle. So he had to be taken back to hospital to have that checked. It wasn't broken, thankfully.
Back then GPs did things like taking stitches out at one's home. When this happened the GP said "I don't let my kids climb trees." Bro said "Why not?" 😅

Anyway, the point I'm making is that a possibly broken ankle is hardly life threatening so I think, along with one or two others, that mumsnetters (and some gransnetters) might have over-reacted a bit. I don't think a fourteen year old is going to be traumatised because he had to wait to have an ankle injury looked at. Schools used to have medical rooms where a child could wait to be collected. Don't they still?

It wasn't straightforward for you, as you explained. Don't feel guilty. I also agree with those who think the era of mobile phones and instant responses makes people impatient – not the child, but your daughter.

Thank you - I won’t feel guilty. Basically it made sense to have me until we moved away from the area 7 months or so ago and I’m guessing that she’s just forgotten I was in the list. Not now at least - I’m sure she’s already has removed me in her huff 😆

I have addressed this elsewhere but unfortunately the children’s dad died when the youngest was very small (just over 1) and from what I know his mum (the kids other grandma) died when he was a teenager, so there isn’t the “traditional” family on the dads side to support her.

He was waiting in the medical room so they do still have them.

You don’t have to feel guilty, but neither does your daughter for canceling.

Her feelings are valid, and it doesn’t seem like you are in the habit of seeing the other side of things. You dismiss her feelings as petty and then wonder why she’d rather spend the holiday elsewhere. What makes her obligated to prioritize your wants over her own feelings?

I personally would have gone.

Your dd was carrying out colonoscopies - so diagnosing cancer patients. But your refusal to change dinner plans means that not only did your gs have to wait longer but that your dd was forced to cancel her patients for the rest of the day meaning that those patients also faced a delay to their care.

I’m sure she’s already has removed me in her huff 😆

He was waiting in the medical room so they do still have them.

*

I have addressed this elsewhere but unfortunately the children’s dad died when the youngest was very small (just over 1) and from what I know his mum (the kids other grandma) died when he was a teenager, so there isn’t the “traditional” family on the dads side to support her.*

Let's hope you and your husband don't need help in the future.

keepingquiet

I am still confused here. Why couldn't the mum have gone to the school? She would surely have been able to leave work? Instead she asks GP to collect child from school and meet there at A&E?
How did the child eventually get to the hospital?
It seems there is poor communication going on here, between all parties including the school.
I'm not sure how I would have dealt with this myself if I'm honest...but there are some communication issues to be sorted here for sure. Meanwhile I feel sorry for the kids...

Not every does a job which they can drop at a moment's notice.

"Oh, excuse me, I've just sliced into this patient, could you take over please?"
Or "I'm just in the air, flying this plane to Edinburgh, can I parachute out please?".

That's why have more than one emergency contact on file at school is essential.

Anyway, the point I'm making is that a possibly broken ankle is hardly life threatening so I think, along with one or two others, that mumsnetters (and some gransnetters) might have over-reacted a bit. I don't think a fourteen year old is going to be traumatised because he had to wait to have an ankle injury looked at.

I absolutely disagree, Baggs

Have you ever broken an ankle?
I have and waiting for an ambulance, then in A&E was agony.

Not having family there would have made it so much worse for a 14 year old.

Thank you - I won’t feel guilty. Basically it made sense to have me until we moved away from the area 7 months or so ago and I’m guessing that she’s just forgotten I was in the list. Not now at least - I’m sure she’s already has removed me in her huff 😆

So it's funny, is it?
Or is it watching the reactions of Gransnetters which is causing your amusement?

Have we been had?

V3ra

^There have been a couple of times where the youngest ones school has called me about medication and the likes, as because she works in the medical field she often can’t take emergency calls when at work.^

I'd politely suggest your daughter needs an agreed system whereby she can be contacted by the school if need be.
Any other time you would have been two hours away anyway.

How do healthcare professionals manage this when they have periods where they cannot be available? OP's dd was carrying out colonoscopies (presumably diagnosing cancer and other illnesses) so cannot be contacted during a procedure and OP has posted that the boy's father is deceased. So a really difficult situation.

A month ago I fell down a couple of stairs in a strange house and badly twisted my ankle. The pain was so intense it took my breath away and I’m embarrassed to admit I actually went into shock - I felt freezing cold and couldn’t stop shaking for quite some time.

The possibility of my 14 year old grandson in such pain, having to wait 2.5 hours until his mum could get there to take him to hospital, doesn’t bear thinking about. If he knew that his GM had been nearer but wouldn’t come to him I imagine he would be very hurt. You don’t seem to have much empathy for either your grandson or your daughter, doing her best as a single mum in a responsible job and finding there was no one she could rely on to help her in a crisis. No wonder she said she was done - you may have done more damage than you seem to realise.

Cold

I personally would have gone.

Your dd was carrying out colonoscopies - so diagnosing cancer patients. But your refusal to change dinner plans means that not only did your gs have to wait longer but that your dd was forced to cancel her patients for the rest of the day meaning that those patients also faced a delay to their care.

Just to confirm she’s not a doctor (or I imagine that she could probably pay someone for support in these emergencies) but yes she is involved in the procedures. I doubt that anyone else’s procedures would be cancelled because of this, but certainly she couldn’t just walk out midway through.

Allira

^Thank you - I won’t feel guilty. Basically it made sense to have me until we moved away from the area 7 months or so ago and I’m guessing that she’s just forgotten I was in the list. Not now at least - I’m sure she’s already has removed me in her huff^ 😆

So it's funny, is it?
Or is it watching the reactions of Gransnetters which is causing your amusement?

Have we been had?

It’s not funny, just was trying to cheer myself up a bit, and hoping it is just a minor “huff” when I’m actually quite sad about her not letting me see the grandkids at Easter now.

Well, at least it will give you time to reflect on what's important to you, your grandson or your dinner.

nightowl

A month ago I fell down a couple of stairs in a strange house and badly twisted my ankle. The pain was so intense it took my breath away and I’m embarrassed to admit I actually went into shock - I felt freezing cold and couldn’t stop shaking for quite some time.

The possibility of my 14 year old grandson in such pain, having to wait 2.5 hours until his mum could get there to take him to hospital, doesn’t bear thinking about. If he knew that his GM had been nearer but wouldn’t come to him I imagine he would be very hurt. You don’t seem to have much empathy for either your grandson or your daughter, doing her best as a single mum in a responsible job and finding there was no one she could rely on to help her in a crisis. No wonder she said she was done - you may have done more damage than you seem to realise.

I’m not sure what that last sentence means, but I have always tried to help her when I can. Damned if you do and damned if you need to take a little break because life is very stressful but then made to feel awful for it.

Thanks everyone for your input. If she decides to talk to me ill apologise for not being there, but also will tell her that I’m really quite stressed and just needed a break away from everything which is why I didn’t go. Will maybe read further comments but probably won’t reply.
Thank you to the commenters who understand that life post retirement is not just sitting about all day and how hard juggling everything can be.

It might have been better going off in another direction entirely for your much-needed break, letting your DD know so she could make other emergency arrangements.

Thank you to the commenters who understand that life post retirement is not just sitting about all day and how hard juggling everything can be.

🤔 oh dear, insulting Gransnetters now.

It sounds to me that you've all got too much on your plates and GS's injury has highlighted that you're all on the edge. You and your husband have medical issues of your own to deal with, plus elderly parents in poor heath to support plus a DD who has a demanding job and two DC to cope with (one a teenager with the angst which goes with that age). You are in the Sandwich Generation.

The hitch in your arrangements is that the emergency contact issue should have been dealt with before now. But you've all been too tied up with just coping day to day. I remember the guilt of not being there for my DH who had health problems and needed me, at the same time as taking my DF to hospital appointments for cancer treatment, (supporting my DM emotionally) and also collect DGD from school when she'd been sick and they didn't want her in school (DD had no transport).

You cannot do it all. Just remember the airplane instruction that you must fit your own oxygen mask before helping others. Yes, I would have gone to fetch DGS, and felt guilt at upsetting DH and the meal we'd so looked forward to, but that doesn't mean I should have gone. And it doesn't mean that I'd have been safe to drive while over-stressed and in a hurry.

What's done is done. Hopefully your DD will come round soon and realise the situation.

I think posters have been quite harsh tbh
I had zero help with my children, hours away from family and just got on with it.
I certainly wouldn’t have called my family an hour or two or six away

I would never have dreamed of asking my parents if they had other plans. But blended families 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ For us they present other challenges

A return journey of 40 miles (plus a bit extra to get the child from school to A&E doesn’t seem a huge deal to me and isn’t likely to have taken long enough to affect dinner reservations. It seems pretty poor parental behaviour towards a single mother doing a responsible job which couldn’t just be left at a moment’s notice.

I’ve had grandchildren on holiday with me several times who’ve needed A&E (more than 20 miles away) and the child has always taken priority over any holiday plans.

Harsh?

OP was just 20 miles away from where her 14 year old grandson was at school in pain with a suspected broken ankle. She could have gone to collect him, calling a taxi if her husband was worse for one pint of beer and she didn’t feel confident to drive.

All she had to do was get the lad to hospital so he could be treated soonest. His mother would have arrived later after she had finished her shift in the endoscopy theatre at another hospital.

It really wasn’t a lot to ask of a grandparent who instead thought a dinner reservation for hours later more important than a child in pain and in need of emergency treatment.

Sparklyhairgran

Cold

I personally would have gone.

Your dd was carrying out colonoscopies - so diagnosing cancer patients. But your refusal to change dinner plans means that not only did your gs have to wait longer but that your dd was forced to cancel her patients for the rest of the day meaning that those patients also faced a delay to their care.

Just to confirm she’s not a doctor (or I imagine that she could probably pay someone for support in these emergencies) but yes she is involved in the procedures. I doubt that anyone else’s procedures would be cancelled because of this, but certainly she couldn’t just walk out midway through.

They cannot always find someone to cover at short notice if someone isn't there during a procedure - so yes they often have to cancel patients if they are understaffed at the last minute.

Had my cataract surgery cancelled 50 minutes before as staff member went home sick and they didn't have a replacement