Is what I have done so very wrong?.

My daughter in law would have reacted exactly the same, I never do anything without asking as she is very precious about anything to do with our one and only granddaughter. Personally I might have written a card, but not have taken a present anyway, but even the cards would have. been wrong in my DFIL's eyes. I constantly thread on eggshells as you can imagine. It is not nice to say the least.

What is all this about buying gifts these days, it is a ridiculous custom. We would not have dreamt of buying presents for our teachers in our days would we?? Why is this necessary now, it has become a competition amongst the children and an expectation from the teachers. Think of the families who just can't do this, how their children must feel. Why can teachers accept presents, when most professions can't i.e. Domiciliary carers etc. It is a type of bribery for popularity in one way or another.

I agree totally with Witzend

They probably can accept up to a certain value Win
I was allowed to accept things up to about a fiver when I was working. It had to go into a "gift record" log.

I don't know about teachers these days but guess it would be the same.

Grandmabatty

I think you did overstep a bit. If your daughter already had given a gift, I think that was enough. Possibly she's a bit hormonal too, having recently given birth. I would apologise profusely to her, and promise you won't do it again.

I don't agree, the biscuits were a general gift to everyone. The daughter is behaving like a spoilt brat.
Sorry, I would give her space, and I would not be collecting the child either in September. I am 68 too, thank God my adult son and daughter are not like her. I would not let mine speak to me like that.

I think she is a selfish c.w.

Talk about ungrateful.

I’m feeling hurt myself just thinking about your feelings
CS1958.

Yes, give her some space, especially if other favours are needed.

Personally I think your daughter is totally over reacting! I think that was very nice of you. In fact I am doing same thing with my grandaughter's playgroup. Why is your daughter so upset and why do youhave to adkher petmission to give a gift?

As a teacher myself I love to build relationships with other family members. I think it was a lovely gesture in your part and the teachers will have appreciated both gifts as a thank you for all there hard work. I think your daughter will realise this when she has had time to reflect.

Oldbat1

You are not at fault at all. Your dd should not dictate to whom you can give a small gift. As an old friend used to say “what a waste of a worry”.

Ah - another valuable little saying learned from Gransnet. Thank you Oldbat1.

NotSpaghetti

They probably can accept up to a certain value Win
I was allowed to accept things up to about a fiver when I was working. It had to go into a "gift record" log.

I don't know about teachers these days but guess it would be the same.

Thank you for clarifying

CS1958 I was appalled to hear how your daughter has treated you when, in my view anyway, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. I agree with Pantglas - see how she feels about it all in September.

I cannot understand why anyone thinks CS1958 has in any way "overstepped the mark". Her daughter is treating her as if she were a paid member of staff, rather than a close family member (even in the former case, I think it would be normal to form a friendly relationship with people you interact with frequently). Why on earth should she be expected to consult her daughter about giving a thank you gift?

It seems to me that if you have a parent who is willing and happy to devote a lot of time to caring for your child, you should be eternally grateful, not acting like a hysterical and entitled 15 year old.

I suspect it is generational, only in the sense that in modern life people seem to feel they have the right to ‘say what they think’. We might not have thought that we should talk to our parents in this way. So it comes as a shock when it happens to us.
You DD was probably straight on her phone to her own social network, who would have agreed with her that it was all completely out of order and telling her that she needed to tell you how she felt. Of course, none of those people are in the room when the message drops are they?
I could have understood this if you had made a very extravagant or showy gesture, but box of biscuits….??
I have deleted some unpleasant messages and sent to us by our DiL 3 weeks after giving birth, as I didn’t think it was fair to either keep or respond to them in the circumstances. But we’ve had a few episodes like this and DS is becoming more like his wife and in his style. It all relates to care of GS. We have absolutely loved building a relationship with him, but are increasingly wondering if we can deal with the stress that goes with it. (We’ve been reminded several times that they’ve got fully funded care for him now.)
These are my step-children and I increasingly feel that I simply don’t want to be spoken to like this. But I would inevitably feel very different if it were my own children.

Your daughter is just being rudiculous, paranoid and I'll stop here. May be she's nice otherwise but rides a high hourse about pack of biscuits.

Your daughter needs to grow up. You gave a ‘thank you and goodbye token’ to people you had a connection with - cannot on any level see the problem with that. I’d let her crack on with collecting/delivering herself - would make her appreciate the support she has been given!

I understand your being hurt - and so do many others. However, in the end I am sure you mind far more about having a good relationship with your daughter. So if you can, realise you will probably never know why it upset her so much - she lives in a different world - but let it go, and let time go by and be the loving person you want to be.

Can I just say as a preschool teacher in nursery you’ve done nothing wrong. I often get flowers or chocolate from grandparents at the end of term. Even a card and a plant something simple which means the world to me. You haven’t overstepped in my opinion just shown care and gratitude because you care.

Oh dear I'm sure neither of you wanted this. Maybe you have been a bit full on, maybe she is 'overtired'. You've apologised, leave it for now. Perhaps in a week or two arrange a Brief meeting or phone call. Take it from there. If she is not keen to communicate you must not force it - it just will not work. If friendly then take things Very slowly - to protect both of you.

Crikey! Thank goodness my wonderful DIL didn’t react like this when I helped with my DGCs.
On several occasions I took homemade biscuits or cakes in for the nursery staff or teachers with a little card to say ‘thank you’.
In no way was I treading on anyone’s toes and the gesture was always gratefully received.
It just seemed like a natural thing to do.

I think your dd is grossly overreacting; I’d step right back and let her make the first move.

She is probably overtired and not really thinking straight at the moment. You did the right thing to apologise even tho you weren't really in the wrong, apart from maybe not mentioning it to her beforehand. Try now to move on - and see if you can help at all with the children over the summer. It's a storm in a teacup and your relationship with your daughter and your grandchildren is precious.

I think it’s very sad.It should be something to enjoy at the end of the year,little gifts ,thank yous and happy children and Grandparents. What a shame.

No this is not your fault. And wanting space from you is really over the top, when in fact your daughters life wouldn't have been as stress free as it was, without you doing the nursery runs..And to say you’re not a parent seems quite nasty. If I’d said to my daughter do you want me to get a present for the teachers she’d say yes please one less thing for me to worry about..What your daughter really needs to do now is build a bridge and get over herself..

Kats2

No this is not your fault. And wanting space from you is really over the top, when in fact your daughters life wouldn't have been as stress free as it was, without you doing the nursery runs..And to say you’re not a parent seems quite nasty. If I’d said to my daughter do you want me to get a present for the teachers she’d say yes please one less thing for me to worry about..What your daughter really needs to do now is build a bridge and get over herself..

But is that not the crunch. op did not ask her daughter nor did she mention it!! As I said earlier my DIL would have been furious too.

They are very precious about feeling in control

Ridiculous - you accept your mother's very generous help and then start laying down the law about who your mother can give a gift of a box of biscuits to?

Personally I think it was a nice innocent thing to do, you've got to know these people and your not a stranger to them obviously seeing them most days. A thank you card and some biscuits is just a nice gesture of appreciation. Probably sure its hormones and tiredness the root cause!

CS1958….No it is not. I’ve given up trying to figure out young women today.

Go on a nice long holiday and all will be well when you get back. 🌺