AIBU to think my son-in law is mean to deny my daughter the 3rd child she would love.

I disagree with you. I don't think he's being mean and I don't think the decision should just be your daughter's. But I definitely don't think you should get involved.

I think is obviously a joint decision and definitely not one you should share any opinion on with either of them. I think you SiL has a point but can understand your daughter wanting another child. Neither of them should browbeat the other into making a decision they are no fully onboard with. Having a child is hard enough when both parents want it.

Sorry, I don’t agree, both couples need to agree on how large their family should be.

How old are the two they have already?

Oh dear, hope they can come to a place of agreement.

Surely it should be a joint decision and for the couple only.

This is a difficult one but it is not a situation you should voice or even have an opinion on.Your son in law is acting responsibly and sensibly and the decision should be their joint one.

Dont get involved for sure they must work it out for themselves, my youngest daughter had 3 children then after 2 yrs wanted another. Not typical for sure but she is a super mum who just copes with everything.

This is something you need to stay "Mum" about.

No, I think it's definitely something on which both the mother and father need to be in agreement about. And it's definitely NOT something in which you should be getting involved.

No the number of children a couple have should not be down to the woman. It must be a joint decision based on what is best for the two of them. Clearly finances and practicalities need to be looked at can they afford another child, do both Parents care for the children or is it mainly down to the Woman. If down to the Woman has she though about what extra she will be taking on. Does she work, does He take joint responsibility for household chores and cooking etc. So much to think about before embarking on having another child.

Nothing to do with you I would say

Can I just say I am not getting involved and would definitely not say anything.
But when my daughter tells me she’d love another child ( and she really would ) but ‘he’ says no, I can’t help but feel sad for her.

This can only be agreed by the parents and no one else, it is their business.

Really not your business. It's not a given that a 3rd child would be healthy anyway. The decisions about family size are complex and specific to the couple. Definitely not the woman's sole decision if they are a couple! The father isnt just a speem donor and has the right to bring the children up, pay for their needs and be fully engaged. Stay out of it completely

Yes YABU
Not least because it does not concern you
Couples should decide on the size of their family jointly
In the current economic climate it makes sense anyway to choose the size of family you can afford . Bringing up a family is expensive and who’s to say what the future holds.
It certainly not “down to the woman” !

Hi again Kandinsky. Sorry that sounded harsh. I can see you are only expressing how you feel. We all feel sad about lots of things. I sympathise xxx

the baby will genetically be 50/50 the genetic mix of the parents. Why should one of them have a momoply over whether a child should be born. Apart from anything else the father will have financial obligations to the child. he should have a say.

But ast others say all this none of your buisiness, and your daugher should not ahve been discussing intimate marital details like this with you.

I think you’re quite dismissive of his reasons by adding that “etc” as if it’s just a bundle of insignificant things.

Finances are sound reasons for limiting the number of children in a family. If he is the main breadwinner the stress upon him to support the family may be very real.

Not to mention a child whose father never wanted them🙁

No, I don’t agree with you Kandinsky that it is down to women as to how many children a couple should have. It needs to be, and should be, a joint decision between the couple. Only your D and SiL can come to that decision.

Yes, you can feel sad for your D, that is understandable, but you must leave it at that.

I would feel sad for her too. When people talk about how it should be a joint decision, in this case it is not a joint decision is it.
If your daughter does not go on to have her wanted third child, the decision has been made for her by her husband. His wishes will prevail. How can this ever be a "joint" decision.

Kandinsky

My daughter has 2 lovely healthy children ( a girl and a boy ) However, she would really love a 3rd but her husband has said no.
He thinks it’s too much stress, too expensive etc etc
AIBU to think the number of children a couple have should be down to the women?

Yes I think you are being very unreasonable. Frankly it sounds like he is sensibly looking at much wider than just having a third child without consideration of the implications

Why on earth should it be down to the woman? Parenthood is a shared enterprise

Well exactly Ilovecheese, it’s not a joint decision, it’s his decision.

Ilovecheese

I would feel sad for her too. When people talk about how it should be a joint decision, in this case it is not a joint decision is it.
If your daughter does not go on to have her wanted third child, the decision has been made for her by her husband. His wishes will prevail. How can this ever be a "joint" decision.

That is often the case if one is part of a couple. The nature of partnership is give and take from both parties but in this case he may well feel that he can't give because of the massive impact on the family. In the end his partner has to accept that if she wishes to be in this partnership then she has to give - as in accept she will not have that 3rd child. Hopefully they can discuss this and she can understand his reasoning etc

That is the couple's own business, no one elses.