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Is acknowledging a birthday important

(107 Posts)
kitchen Tue 25-Sep-12 08:28:57

As I get older a birthday card from those I love seems to mean so much more. Is this a strange reaction? I am close to both my sons and the younger one is so kind and thoughtful. My eldest son leads a very busy life job wise but seems to forget the little things that mean a lot. I child mind every week and help his wife a lot but she could not even wish me a happy birthday let alone organise anything. A home made card from the children or a telephone call from them encouraged by their parents would have meant so much. I just wish I could understand my daughter in law more. Her family are all widespread so contact is not as regular but she makes so much of them which is understandable. Always polite she continues to have an air of coldness and I cannot get beyond that. On any occasion her attitude seems to be that they are her husband's parents not hers. I love the grandchildren dearly and would not wish to cause any rift but yearn for some understanding.

Greatnan Tue 25-Sep-12 08:32:25

I am pretty confident that most of my many gc love me, but only my oldest grand-daughter remembers my birthday, which is two days after hers. My own daughters sent my mother and my MIL cards at Christmas and birthdays, but they had to be reminded by me (and I probably paid for them too).
I don't think it is worth getting upset about - young people are notoriously self-centred and have busy lives.

tanith Tue 25-Sep-12 08:36:49

I've actually become less bothered about birthday cards the older I get it wouldn't bother me if they didn't send me cards, my daughters do , my son sometimes forgets but usually sends flowers which is fine but I wouldn't expect his partner/wife to remember for him. I did receive cards from my grandchildren but they are my daughters children my son has none thus far. So I suppose what I'm saying is 'maybe its a man thing', women are more sensitive to these things and men just aren't. Such a shame you don't have a 'nice' relationship with your daughter in law keep trying though she may be in awe of you or she may just be shy.

Greatnan Tue 25-Sep-12 08:40:11

I will be alone on my 72nd birthday this week, but I have been alone on most of my birthdays for several years and it doesn't bother me at all. It is just another day to me. I wouldn't like to be alone on Christmas Day - the one year when it was not possible for me to be with either daughter, I went to an hotel with Saga. Not my best Christmas ever, but I met some very pleasant people.

annodomini Tue 25-Sep-12 08:46:49

I made the crafty move of being born on a date that it's difficult to forget - Nov 5th. grin I usually go to visit one or other of the families and enjoy going to firework displays with them.

janeainsworth Tue 25-Sep-12 08:58:47

kitchen I get the feeling that it's not so much the birthday thing as the DiL thing, with which I can certainly identify. Sadly, I think it comes under the category of having 'the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference'. All you can do is just be nice to her.
Greatnan happy birthday - mine is tomorrow, but I shall only be 63smile

gracesmum Tue 25-Sep-12 09:20:00

LIke kitchen I do enjoy attention on my birthday. Perhaps after all those years of making a fuss of the children's birthdays I feel I deserve something in return! Having DDs I am quite fortunate in that respect as they say that once a man marries, he need never write a greetings card again in his life. In other words - it gets left to the wife/female partner. Some people do birthdays, some do not - my MIL was never particularly bothered and a bit of that has rubbed off onto DH and his "side" of the family. For the last 2 years DH has either been ill in hospital or just out so my birthday was a DIY affair - not happy!!One year I bought 2 cards and asked him to choose which one he wanted to give me (he gave me both which totally defeated the object) and the other I just bought myself something which is not the point is it?
So greatnan and janea - Happy Birthday to you and if you are very good, I won't sing! grin

whenim64 Tue 25-Sep-12 09:20:12

As long as I get a card, I'm happy. I don't want DiLs to do the job of remembering, which my son understands now. Presents aren't important, although I treasure home made gifts from years ago.

Ella46 Tue 25-Sep-12 09:22:50

Greatnan You are not've got us lot as soop would say!

Ella46 Tue 25-Sep-12 09:27:19

I love getting cards, but I stopped gifts for family (adults) a few years ago.
I think a phone call or a quick visit is lovely and if I'm lucky my dgd will make me a yummy cake (she's 10) smile

vampirequeen Tue 25-Sep-12 09:41:40

I would be upset. It's happened to me in the past and I was heartbroken because I thought they were punishing me for leaving their dad. But then I realised that as someone else said they have busy lives and they don't remember things. In fact part of it is my fault because I used to do all the remembering for them so they never learned to do it.

Now a card is lovely but a text keeps me happy. Maybe it's a sign of the times...don't send a card send a text.

kittylester Tue 25-Sep-12 09:48:03

The simple answer to the OP is, if it's mine - yes! grin

gracesmum Tue 25-Sep-12 09:50:12

You say "they have busy lives and they don't remember things" - sorry, but we have/had busy lives too! It is the not being remembered that is hurtful. You remember what you want to, I think, so being "forgotten" is as I said hurtful. I would like DD to bring the DGC up to remember and to care - presents are not important, maybe a text is all, but it is the remembering that matters. Knowing that you matter

Greatnan Tue 25-Sep-12 09:52:22

Guess when my gs Guy has his birthday? Honestly - the name was chosen and he just happened to arrive a little early.

My birthday is on 27th, and I think I will get a phone call from NZ - fortunately, they get free calls to Switzerland as well as France.

I do genuinely feel that I among friends on Granset - not just the few I have met but all of you who have taken an interest in my daughter's story and given me so much sympathy and good advice. I will raise a glass to you all on Thursday (I have bought myself a bottle of good wine!)

When I worked in Monaco, I shared a birthday with my employer, although he was 18 years older. He thought it was very significant that his car registration number was MC2727. I thought it was just a coincidence, but if it made him happy........

kittylester Tue 25-Sep-12 09:58:00

You share a birthday with my 'baby' brother greatnan He is 55 on Thursday. September is a hectic month in our family with elder son (16th), my sister-in-law (25th), my brother (27th), younger son (28th), eldest granddaughter and youngest brother-in-law (29th).

Time for a lie down after that lot before the run up to C*******s! grin

Granny23 Tue 25-Sep-12 10:30:04

I was cutting my DGD1's hair on Sunday when she remarked, out of the blue, that I never get a proper Birthday Party. Our Birthdays are only 3 days apart and she was contrasting her big Olympic themed party in a small hall with my modest 2DD + 3DGC afterschool tea at my house. I told her that I was happy to have my most loved people and the cake she had made with her Mummy but she insisted that next year I am to have ALL my friends, everyone is to dress up (not school uniform!) and we have to play games. After a bit she announced that the 'theme' should be the Olden Days..... So, Pass the Parcel, Grand Old Duke of York, Musical chairs, Postman's Knock, here we come - Could I go as Norah Batty?

annodomini Tue 25-Sep-12 10:35:21

G23, what a lovely GD you have. That sounds like a great idea for a themed party. My family gave me a wonderful 'do' for my 70th, with a bagpiper to pipe in the guests! That should last me pretty well until my 80th. wink

Greatnan Tue 25-Sep-12 10:53:21

I was slightly miffed when my daughter, her husand and his two sisters clubbed together to pay for his mother and father to stay in a hotel in London and go to a show on her 70th birthday. I got a card on mine! (Mind you, they have bought me some great Christmas presents and I have said many times that I am not bothered about birthdays.)

annodomini Tue 25-Sep-12 11:42:22

Hoist with your own petard, methinks, Greatnan!

harrigran Tue 25-Sep-12 12:17:40

My family always remember my birthday, DH, sisters, DD and DS cards arrive in good time and usually flowers from DD in Brussels too. I get beautiful, thoughtful gifts and cards written by GC too. We receive anniversary cards every year too which is kind and not expected.

glitabo Tue 25-Sep-12 12:27:13

I am 70 in a few weeks and I know that 2DSs and DiLs are planning something for me. They won't tell me what it is but said that I should enjoy looking forward to it as they are sure I will enjoy it.

Littlenellie Tue 25-Sep-12 12:30:04

I still get dissapointed and hurt when my birthday is forgotten,never once having a party or cake or even a fuss made.My birthday falls on 29 th December,that tumbleweed time between Christmas and new year,the postman never calls ,or maybe not even back at work,cards ..if remembered arrive with Christmas cards,weeks before and get ripped open by mistake,the scenario Christmas or birthday present apply,and most often if money is short neither,which more than often it is,and always has been all my life because of the date,and if I do get a token box of Roses wrapped in Christmas paper left over from someone's Christmas gifts or unwanted presents.
Restaurants are still serving Christmas food,and regular opening times are suspended,this year is my 60thand have no reason to think things will be any different,every year on my birthday I am still the little girl with her nose pressed to the window waiting for a postman who never comes and it hurts..

Ana Tue 25-Sep-12 12:32:35

Oh, nellie! sad
Surely your lovely OH remembers....?

gracesmum Tue 25-Sep-12 12:33:29

sadsadsad I am feeling sorry for you littlenellie - get this in hand this year and PLAN SOMETHING NICE, then tell those that matter to "keep the date" and make sure you go out!

Littlenellie Tue 25-Sep-12 12:47:54

Not always but he is getting better,but he does have memory problems because of his dyslexia answer is to hide away,in case I go outside and shout at the top of my voice IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY,as I did when I was a child,and then got slapped for it for drawing attention to myself.
I honestly think it is the time of year,we did go down the route of June 29 th but it didn't work and wasn't the same,I think if Kate was here a daughters influence may have changed things....have told my neighbour is a lot younger and I think she may have something up her sleeve,,can honestly say that my birthday is the one day where I have so many mixed painful feelings ,looking forward to it but dreading it,and I truly feel hard done by and very sorry for myself....not an admirable trait confused