No visits allowed

DS2 needed my help when both his sons were born, because both births were difficult - the first an emergency CS and the second needed treatment for an infection. His partner's mum was even further away than I was. Laundry, cooking, cleaning and, second time round, child-minding were all essential. I was so pleased to be involved and to have met both infants on Day 1. I am still close to them all, though not geographically. I was also welcomed into the family when the other GC were born. This seemed to have no adverse effect on bonding between parents and babies. Perhaps it depends on the confidence of the parents in their ability to cope, though I'd have thought that the presence of a non-intrusive GP would have been beneficial. When I had my first, I had six days in hospital after which my parents came down to Devon to lend a hand and very welcome they were as I was still very anaemic and had daily iron injections from a syringe that would have made a horse bolt. The in-laws already had three GC and showed no inclination to visit!

As Elegran says, times have changed so much. I really think we had a much better time of it. Though even when I had my babies, I can remember a lot of the new mums just wanting to go straight home, and being very vocal about it - I couldn't understand this. Feeling tired and wobbly after childbirth, I loved those few days out, the feeling of being looked after, being fed regularly, being told to nap on my stomach with lights out in the ward for half an hour, having people on hand to help if needed. We were shown how to change and bath our babies, how to breastfeed, we had pelvic floor exercise classes first thing each day, we were given Guinness every night(!). Our babies were wheeled out of the ward and into a nursery at bedtime, and brought to us for feeding. We had a good spell of recuperation and a good grounding in motherhood.

Another benefit of being a new mum in the 80s was the free antenatal classes that everyone went to (at least for the first pregnancy). I learnt so much from them - though I'm not sure that the answer to the question "Will it hurt a lot?" should have been "Well, no lady is going to get her baby without a little bit of discomfort". I remembered that a few weeks later.....

Guinness!, Why wasn't I offered Guinness? I agree maggiemaybe the rest in hospital was just what the doctor ordered - I wasn't in a hurry to get home either.

Thirty years ago, after having DS2, I refused to go home after 24 hrs and was allowed to stay until the following day. It does not matter that you have given birth before, if the current birth was traumatic, the mother needs time to recover with professional care.
It is appalling that any mother has to go home on the same day of birth, if she feels unable to cope. It should at least be a choice. I know it is a funding issue. X

People's experiences of then and now vary!
My first was in hospital, food terrible, bossy staff and I went home (thank goodness) after 24 hours, sore, unable to breastfeed but so relieved to get out.
The second was lovely, in an old-fashioned nursing home - at least it was lovely after the cold uncaring midwife who delivered the baby went off duty. The rest of the week brought kind staff, good meals and a room shared with one other new mum.
The third was in hospital and, quite frankly, mixed. Some nice nurses, some just slovenly. A dirty room, baby caught an 'infection from the labour room'! Glad to go home after 5 days.

DIL was thrown out with her first baby after a couple of hours with a long way to go home. Nurses refused to wash or bath baby ('we don't do that!') and no clue how to go about breastfeeding.

Please give your DIL some time and space, I hope it all works out well.

As a previous poster has said, times have changed.

Both of my now grown up children were very difficult births, they were born by EMCS after complicated labours and I was ill for the first few days afterwards and each time my sons were in SCBU as they had breathing difficulties.
Then, in 1969 and 1972 you were in hospital for 14 days after a C-section so you were more or less getting back onto your feet again when you came home.
After I got home though I was the opposite of OP's DIL.I was still not quite well but no help offered at all.After the first birth my DH had to go back to work as no paternity leave then.Both of our mothers came round just to coo and cuddle the baby for a few minutes then swiftly left.They were under the impression that as I was a nurse I could cope very well, despite the fact that I had almost died giving birth, but they told me that I should be over all that now.I did manage to struggle on on my own, but would have welcomed any help from anyone,even the window cleaner.I had had the long vertical cut and could feel it pulling.
The second time it was the same despite different circumstances.My DH was that time in the Merchant Navy and was still away, not returning until two monyhs later.I also had a toddler to look after.My DS2 screamed almost constantly. My MIL had cared for DS1 while I was in hospital but seemed to think she had now done her duty and could leave now I was home. My mother was working full time so could be excused for not offering help.They both came on the first day, stayed for a bit then started making tracks to leave.I remember bursting into tears and asking if at least one of them stay the night.My MIL reluctantly agreed.To be fair she she then offered to help the next morning by taking DS2 out for an hour which suited me as I did not want him to be away from me. She did come round most days but her visits were always short.After she had cuddled the baby she would leave. I had two good friends who visited and did shopping for me.
I missed DH most of all and was angry and resentful of him that he had not tried to get home earlier.This has had a permanent effect on our relationship although he and I are still together.I think I must have had undiagnosed PND at the time.
Sorry this has been long but everyone's circumstances are different.When my own grandchildren were born I was willing to give any help but waited until asked. Four of my DGC were home from hospital the next day.My DILs were lucky that they seemed to cope very well but the father of all of them (DS2) was around as well.My other DGC was a premature baby and was kept in hospital for 6 weeks.Her mother had had an EMCS but was home after a week.I cared for their older two children while they visited the baby daily.
I hope you are soon visiting regularly. You have a lifetime of your DGC ahead.

lizyr If you DiL has posted on facebook to all to stay away, then please don't take it personally at this time. She most likely posted when tired and sore and wouldn't normally say such things. I think at least she is being honest and not "putting up" with visitors and then seething when they are gone. That would be worse for the baby.

Is there any food you think she would like? Cheese and crackers, fruit, yoghurts, a bit of chocolate maybe? You could put a small delivery together from a supermarket and send it to them, especially snack food that they can just grab if they are busy.

I relished the time I had in hospital with my children after birth, although I did stay for 12 weeks due to pre-eclampsia with my daughter. My mother visited once in this time but wanted to swamp me once she arrived. I would hate to be in there now though and out in a couple of hours.

"How long do you want to stay after birth Mrs. Brown?"

"Six months? What lie on the bed, have my food cooked and brought to me, my washing miraculously taken away and fresh clothes brought to me, someone to clean up after me and wash up? The bedding changed without me stripping it? I'm staying, it's like I'm a man!"

I can understand all of the comments about difficult births etc. but still see no reason whatsoever for your Dil's rudeness and nasty comments on that bloody awful Facebook lizzyr Why spoil such a happy,family event? There are plenty awful things going on around us everyday and surely a new baby in the family, especially your first child/grandchild should be celebrated. I would have a gentle word with your son (who is the babies daddy after all) and try to see what's really going on. Is she a control freak who is used to getting her own way all of the time? Do you and her have other issues and she is trying to get back at you via you naturally yearning to see your new grandchild? It's a tricky one. I do hope it is resolved very soon. Congratulations on your new baby grandchild by the way.