Hello ladies,
I am having really bad problems with my mil and it's gotten to the point now where i dont know what to do apart from cut her off. I really dont want to do this or hurt my husband, but the situation is so tough.
I will try and explain the back ground as much as possible- please be blunt with me or give me whatever advice you can.
I have been with my husband for 11 years and married for 3, we are in our late 20's and so we've been together for most of our lives. The problems started when we were teenagers, the usual over bearing father of my husband not wanting us to get into a serious relationship, afraid of teenage pregnancy and in general just that im not good enough. Over the last 11 years there has been lots of snide remarks, passive aggressive comments and intentional humiliation aimed at me.....and ive never really had a conversation at all with this man. My husbands mother, i thought, we always had a good relationship, no close, not bosom buddies, surface deep but good. My husband isnt very close with his family, they dont discuss anything personal and his brother and sister dont even speak to me.
Over the 11 years ive tried my very best to make an effort to be included and to include them. I have always arranged thoughful gifts, lent a hand when needed etc, but it has gotten me nowhere.
Me and my husband moved away for work, to another country, i always made sure my huaband contacted his family because i knew if he didn't they would blame me, so the relationship we have had is maybe a phone call ever few months and maybe a visit once or twice a year if even. We got married in our home town as it was easier and less expensive for family.......the problems seem to have gotten worse from here......
I tried to include my mil in the planning of the wedding, initially she was interested and i hoped that we would bond, i askes my husbands sister to be bridesmaid but because she couldnt choose the dress ahe wanted she didnt want to be bridesmaid ( she is 20 something years old). Then there were problems because we wanted to keep it small and they wantes their neighbours to go! I gave in to please them, but now i know i shouldnt have. For us our wedding was amazing, but the next day my mil picked it all apart about what she didnt like etc and i was so hurt....
Following year i got pregnant, first grandchild and all that, everyone really excited etc. We knew there needed to be some boundaries as every week that went by we were getting messages of " i want this" etc and i felt suffocated.
She demanded that she stay in our home and with a new baby and recovering from c-sec i was in no mood to have house guests, but i let her come and it was the biggest mistake of my life. She demand my little baby from me, picked him up without asking, he needed to be fed and was crying and she turned away from me and wouldnt give him to me...... She has more or less continues in this manner and ita just getting more intense. Every time they arent happy with our decisions they kick off or if they dont get want the want they blame me. She recently sent my huaband a message to say that she didnt feel she was "important" enough and didnt have the "status" that she wants....i feel like pulling my hair out.
Before the baby was born i tries to be honest with her and tell her that she is a super mum because she raised my husband but that my baby is not hers and that she wouldnt be raising him or making any decisions about him- ( i know you are all probably cringing at this) she was furious to say the least and basically went on a backstabbing spree to all their close friends and family and now i just feel judged and i dont know what to do.
My husband nosied througg her ipad one day and saw a message from one of her friends about me calling me a bitch, a sad case and that id get what i deserve. She also said that my husband and my son are her priority.
I feel really uncomfortable because i know that this friend wont have beeb the only person she has spoken badly about me to, how can i let someone like this be in my childs life?
I havent even listed her worst offences, there are loads more along with the constant ignoring of our wishes and passive aggressive text mesaages.
I feel sick with worry and anxiety and its starting to affect me alot. I dont understand where the grand sense of entitlement comes from, or the fact they thinks they have rights to my child, they dont. I really wish the could just see us as a lovely bonus and enjoy how we involve them.
Im just desperate for advice and to know that this is obviously not normal behaviour. She has totally over romanticised everything in her head and ger expectations are the opposite of what we want, i mean we dont even have a close relationship! Im so overwhelmed. Any advixe would be greatly appreciated. Sorry this is such a long post.....
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