dgd hates me

My GS didn't speak to me for three weeks, it wasn't until I ignored him that he told me how much he loves me.

I love my grandaughter to bits and she loves me too but when she was little she had a huge tantrum and said she hated me and I was a horrible gran so I told her to write a shopping list for a nice gran and we would go to the shop and look for one the next day. A big scowl started to turn into a grin and she got over the tantrum. Lots of humour needed and don't take them too seriously. They are only little and you are the grown up with experience!

Resist the temptation to compete.
As Nfkdumpling says 'the Gran who does stuff is far more enduring than the Gran who buys stuff'.

And the 'does stuff' is simple - reading stories, playing games.

When your DGD grows up, Ethel, what she will remember is the grandma who did things with her, played with her, taught her to cook, knit and sew, took her to the park and look closely at the plants, birds and insects.

We live 200 miles from our DGC, the other Grandma lives close by and has been a tower of strength, almost a third parent, which has been wonderful as DDiL doesn't have the best of health. We do not try to compete, but we are makers and doers and when DGC come to us we make things together. I recently bought a beautiful victorian hand sewing machine for £20 and introduced DGD to making clothes for her dolls and the next time she comes I plan to help her make a skirt for herself. Cheap charity shop clothes will often provide fabrics cheaper than buying new fabric. DD is particularly good and ferreting around for charity shop bargains.

Do not compete, just be entirely different.

Just try to rise above it ethel your DGD is learning the power of words and how they can hurt, probably all the bawling and shouting and storming out in tears by the so called adults in the family isnt helping. Be the calm grandma that spends time, reads stories and listens. It is little things that she will remember, I still have the dolls clothes that my dear Grandmother knitted for my dolls, and that was many many years ago. These kinds of things, baking cakes, talking, telling stories, mean more than sweets, any fool can buy a back of sweets, only you can rise above it.

Hi Lucky I have thought about taking her to the panto as Im sure she will love it, will also take my mother then I will have 2 kids to look after but it will be fun.

Pantos in theatres can sometimes be a bit pricey, look out for ones put on by local amdram groups; we have one here in the village and they put on a fantastic panto, and it is only £5 a ticket!

I always like to support local theatre groups so will be looking at whats on at our theatre, however I might take her to one of the Tyneside theatres just depend whats on.

This is a difficult situation, not helped by the other adults behaviour. I would say you are doing all the right things. Children need time and love above all and they do come to appreciate this even in this materialistic world.
Don't try too hard. My DGS takes advantage if I do this. I had similar treatment and found that if I gave a little less attention to him he sort of wanted more of me.
Don't get upset. Stick to your ways. You sound great!

I found that they were just too young to enjoy pantomimes at that age- I would wait a year rather than waste money.

Nonsense Leticia all children can enjoy panto, they dont have to understand or appreciate the irony or the cultural references, but all children enjoy colour and music and laughter which is what panto is. My daughter went to her first one at a large local theatre when she was just 3 and sat transfixed. In fact people sitting beside her were delighted with the look of amazement and awe on her face. Children love slapstick and humour and general silliness!

I dare say that some do. I just know quite a few who had to take them out- mine included- who were frightened by the whole experience.
Since it costs a lot I wouldn't risk it in the future. They are all different and we have no idea how OP's granddaughter will find it.
My son sat transfixed ( but only in my knee) when he was 4 yrs- not at 3 years.
You are quite right in a way - as I am - but all children don't enjoy a panto. Some do and some don't.

I don't think you can say 'all' children about anything. I have always hated slapstick humour- hate it now and hated it as a child.

Took my grandson to a pantomime one year at our local theatre and he loved it; following year did the same and the production wasn't as good and he was incredibly bored.

I agree with Rosesarered , it is just not on to say cruel things to others whether you are 3 or not . Why does this generation of parents accept this from their children ? Maybe they are just testing the waters to see how far they can go so it is up to the adults to nip it in the bud very quickly .
Fortunately my Grandchildren don`t say horrible things to me but if they did I would be having a conversation with them about why they shouldn't be unkind , they seem to understand if you talk to them even at this age . Obnoxious children grow into obnoxious adults ! It is up to us to teach them what is ok and what isn`t .

I have taken a whole class of yr1 children to the pantomime and you have to be very careful with some of them - they can be very nervous.

Anyway, ethelbags doesn't need to be worrying about producing treats and outdoing, or keeping up, with the other grandma. It is just sheer time and attention that count.

Our grandson is 3 too and we get along very well on the whole but he can be funny about coming round to see us and wants to go home. Children say and do things all the time that upset or worry us because they don't understand what they are saying or doing. Just love your granddaughter in the way you always have, be yourself and try distracting her (not with sweets or junk food - good for you not falling into that trap) and she will soon understand how great it is to spend time with you. A calm environment is great but adults do row and get angry with each other. So long as the child is not hurt then not much can be done. Life is difficult at times for everyone. Good luck to you.

I wouldn't rule out that she has been told bad things about you but would suggest you totally ignore it anyway and the child will make up her own mind. My 3 yr old GS told me he didn't like me because I was a girl and I told him I loved him anyway. His 5 year old brother was really upset about it and told him he did like Grandma. I made nothing of it and when we Skyped a few days later I reminded him he didn't like me and he said "I do like you when you come down Grandma". I think these things are best just left to sort themselves out and least said soonest mended.

Don't worry about not being able to afford things. My DSs all remember what we did with them when they were small and not at all what we bought them. I can afford to buy things for mine but leave it to birthdays and Christmas. The rest of the time I am the Grandma who does things and fortunately am fit enough to run around, lie on the floor and get sat upon etc. I am really the fun one.

We took our 2 to a local panto in the Corn Exchange of our nearest town. The theatre was not large, staging was done on a shoe string and we had no dramatic 'coup de theatre', just actors we were very close to, lots of slapstick and silly behaviour and recurring phrases the audience had to respond to. The 3 year old we took decided to sit on his Daddy's lap, a bit worried at first, but was soon singing and shouting with everybody else. Even us adults were shouting 'He's behind you' and joining in as much as the children.

Tickets were around £10 each.

Leticia is right, about some children being scared at pantos.We took our three to see Mother Goose, the seats were expensive, and the 3 year old boy spent the whole time under the seat.We went again when he was 5, and he quite enjoyed it.Some children are just more anxious, and panto is colourful, noisy, full of weird costumes.

it is just not on to say cruel things to others whether you are 3 or not . Why does this generation of parents accept this from their children ? Maybe they are just testing the waters to see how far they can go so it is up to the adults to nip it in the bud very quickly

I think I posted before that they begin reasoning at the age of about 3-4 and before this they have no concept that they are saying something hurtful. It is only by gentle, loving replies that they will learn that saying things like that is not kind and not to say them.

Can you suggest a better way f77ms?
Telling them off? Which may make them dislike you in that moment even more?
Is anyone suggesting that it is best to accept it or that today's parents respond differently these days? Parents through the generations have always had different ways of dealing with these things.

I think it's best to respond by saying 'well that's not kind, but I still love you very much'. Or if they say it to someone else, just say gently 'we don't say things like that to anyone, it's not nice'.

Toddlers live in the moment and cannot disguise their feelings. They don't like you one moment if you thwart them, the next you are the best Grandma in the world.
Better manners come withgentle reminders and maturity.

Pantos can be very frightening - my DD was box office manager at our local theatre and arts centre and she regularly had to mop up very distressed children, even those of school age.

We took our DC to see the Rainbow show when they were little and they loved that - they still remember it now! Zippy, George and Bungle and of course Geoffrey!
Is there a Peppa Pig show or something similar on near you, ethel?
They all seem to love Peppa Pig silly George, Mummy Pig and useless Daddy Pig

Im still pondering the issue, I haven't seen her today, I normally do so I just went out and had some 'me time', however I miss her.