dgd hates me

When she was young my DGD said all sorts of horrid things to people - mainly us - family - but also some children who came to the house. Nothing said to her would make her stop. Eventually when she said something nasty to me I replied that I always loved her but did not always like her. This approach worked quite well. Fast forward to now and she is a lovely young woman I. Her twenties who is very kind and loving and always makes time for the two of us to have some 'girl's time' together. If her mother is about she is included too and she has recently moved in with a most suitable young man who does take great care of her. She can still give a cutting remark but she now reserves the sharp tongue to those who do actually deserve it!
Worry not- she is a child - needs to realise that what she says is hurtful but gets no dramatic response from anyone - if all the adults could instead give her what I would describe as a dirty look and then totally ignore her for a few minutes she has lost attention rather than gain it.
As to pantos - I saw my first one when I was 5 - thought it was rubbish then and although I appreciated the Palladium ones on Boxing Day for a few years - I have never been a great fan.

Ethelbags I do feel for you. It is hurtful when DGCs say they don't like you I know from experience, but it happens so often as you can see from all the posters' replies. It is easy to say to just ignore it but I know that pang that goes across the heart when a much loved child says these things. However, I think you sound like a lovely granny doing all those things with her. The GNetters are right. Be your loving self and she will learnt to value your love and attention.
It is hard when you are up against a competitive other granny too. Her problem though. She is creating a precedent that won't easily be got rid of!!

I think also that you are a bit emotionally vulnerable in this time of recovery from your cancer treatment. I remember being so brave and coping well during treatment, but 6 months later it all hit me and I was very emotional and unable to cope with a lot of difficult stuff.

jud maybe you are right, its coming up to 6 months since my op, Im back at work but so tired. Ive got some time off this next week so Im going to rest and hopefully spend time with the little one doing Halloween stuff which shes into at the minute.

and and Ethel.

thank you Jud and roses xxxx to you both(and hugs).

I have seen DGD today and she was ok with me but she is unwell with a horrendous cough which she has kindly given to me as I am coughing like mad, she got a bit grumpy as we went shopping and clung to her mother and pushed me away, however she started to cry and when we asked what was wrong she said she wanted to go to my house. When we got there she was absolutely fine and played and jumped around like normal so I guess I have been forgiven for whatever Ive done. .

Mind she bashed GGran with her Halloween broomstick lol.

That's good Ethel, just carry on as normal, it seems as if it's working.

Ive got her tomorrow and Ive promised painting on the dining table (sheet on the floor and plastic tablecloth)and that's her favourite thing at the minute so maybe I will continue in her good books. Its hard being a gran, I thought it would be easy.

Yes, in some ways it's harder than being a parent.When we were parents we didn't worry about DGC ' not liking us' we didn't need to be their friend, we did what was best and that was that.Now, we would like it to be all fun, but for those of us that see DGC regularly, it can't be, as we do need rules.

today was great, no tantrums just play apart from when I tried to detangle her hair then she said she hated me, oh well, I did my best.

Detangle hair! - I wouldn't bother if I were you! - my DGSs have the most tangled hair in the universe and I just let that wash by me! They would be appalled if I had a go at it - their Mum never does!!

My DGDs used to detest having their hair detangled. Now that they are 23 and 13 you couldn't imagine more hair-conscious girls. So don't worry - just let it go and one day she will appear with lovely tangle-free hair. Or you could buy her one of those de-tangling brushes and let her have a go herself.

ethelbags isn't it crazy how dgc can wring your heart and then make it all ok again with a smile.

ethelbags I reckon someone else in your DGD's life uses the phrase 'I hate you' as a casual comment, whenever something goes wrong, from using it for people to things. As I said to DD this morning I HATE energy price comparison sites (see another thread). She was telling me how she HATED tradesmen who didn't turn up as planned and we both had a soothing moan.
So do not worry, DGC is just using the phrase to indicate that she doesn't like something, whether having hair detangled or anything else tha stops a 3 year old doing whatshe wanst all the time.

One of the things I have learnt over the years is that words or phrases that mean little to one person can be deeply wounding to another. I long ago learnt not to describe myself as 'coping' with some minor problem because for some reason DH sees that word as being used to mean someone who is angry and resentful at being lumbered with a task someone else should be doing, possibly himself. No, I do not know why either.

You're very brave ethel, de-tangling her hair!!

just wait until she starts schools and gets nits

She loves me today despite being grumpy with her cold, and has promised to be good if she can have the Halloween goodies at my house.
This came after she was a bit rude to me in the shop and I said that Santa doesn't come to naughty girls and she cried, apologised and I said he would come if she was good. I feel that Im being manipulated.

Telling children that Santa doesn't come to naughty children, especially as early as october, feels highly manipulative to me

Yes I agree with Iam64 on that one,

oh dear, I simply thought it would encourage her to behave. I was told that and I told DD that but I didn't think it was manipulative.

I think everything I say is manipulative, I tell her to eat her dinner or there will be no pud or sweets, if she doesn't put her coat on I tell her she cant go home ot mamma etc etc. that's the way we speak to children is it not . Im open to suggestions here.

Being positive, praising good behaviour, catching them out being good and ignoring (so far as its possible and safe to do so) some of the 'bad' behaviour seems to work well.

Etheltbags, the thing is the Santa threat wouldn't actually be carried out, that's the difference. It's ok to make a threat and stick to it. Don't finish dinner? No pudding. Don't do something else shes refusing to cooperate with, then no bedtime story, or other small treat, and stick to it. It's not fair to say Santa won't come because of course he will. So that's unrealistic as a threat. I do wish you well with little GD because mine is 3 , too, and often behaves in the same way. A realistic threat works wonders. Good luck !

Never give a threat that you won't carry out.
I would try and keep to the positive and 'if you eat your dinner we can....... 'is far better than 'if you don't eat your dinner......'
Language is very powerful and small words have importance such as 'when you put your coat on we can.........'
These don't have to be bribes - just a fun thing like shuffle through the leaves.

My 2 year old DGD is very reluctant to sit in her car seat and messes around sitting on the floor etc. We have developed a ritual whereby she chooses a fruit pouch (I always keep a few in a tin) and she knows that when she is sitting nicely strapped in I will open it for her. Is it a bribe? - or is it a reward? I hope it is a way of recognising that at 2 years old she cannot understand why she needs to have the seat belt on and she needs a bit of encouragement. We always praise her for doing it nicely.

Sometimes she is reluctant to go home, especially if she has got embroiled in an activity, and I always say that Mummy is looking forward to seeing her and so is her little brother, and that Daddy will be home soon and will be disappointed if she is not back - all attempts to say something positive that makes her feel precious and wanted, rather than telling her she cannot go home if she does not do X,Y,Z.

She is a bit of a reluctant eater - always has been - and I try and say for example "When you have eaten two more spoonfuls, we will see if there is a yoghurt in the fridge. Maybe you could help me find one?"

These things do not always work, but they do tend to feel positive, which is always a good thing I feel.

The other thing about using positive messages is that they tend not to invite a negative stroppy response.

Many years ago one of my sons was in a relationship with a woman with two children. The boy had no problem with me but the little girl who was 4 at the time kept telling me to get out of her house.

One day I explained that I didn't want to leave because I had found the nicest, prettiest girl in the whole city. Her face was a picture but she did smile a bit.

Over the next few weeks she kept telling me to leave and I kept repeating the above reason why I couldn't. Eventually she would say it and then fall about laughing when I came up with my answer. We ended up having a lovely relationship. Sadly my son and the woman broke up and I never saw the children again. I have grandchildren now but I often remember those days.