Christmas running total and would DH have a clue?

We are going away for Christmas, so will give dosh to grandchildren when we return, but a wee parcel to open on the day. Secret Santa for the adult children, so Himself would know exactly how much was spent ( if he cared!)

I don't really know how much I've spent on presents although i've a rough idea it's way too much. My other half has no idea of what I've bought let alone spent. He does pay for all the food though - for years I managed the household budget but then he took it over and as he's a spreadsheet fanatic everything is noted to the nth degree :-) As I still work I have my own account so am lucky enough not to have to own up what I've spent - I reckon the delivery driver from a well know shopping channel has a better idea than my husband though :-)

I find it incredible that anyone would have to "ask their H"
for money to help with Christmas expenses.

We have joint everything so either of us can use the resources although in practise it is me who makes sure all is OK - OH just relies on me. We discuss large purchases but not the day to day stuff. Works fine for us and no demarcation lines!

My ex would have had no idea what I spent on Xmas - I did everything from our joint account so if he'd wanted to he could have worked it out.

I'm still mildly surprised when people say things like, I bought the tree so DH will buy the drinks, etc.

I wonder if younger couples keep separate finances?

You know, when I read this thread the idea that Christmas is too commercialised doesn't come through at all. What does come over to me is how much we love our nearest and dearest. Yes, a lot of money is spent, but it seems to me that this is because we like buying things we think they would like. It's so clear that our gifts are gifts of love more than anything else.

We've always had just one joint account and DH manages that account because I was terrible at managing money when we got married. We've never been well off, so I wouldn't buy anything really without checking if we have the money, especially after we lost my salary when I had to stop working (a major blow). However, things have been a bit better for a few years and I finally had enough of DH knowing about every penny I spent and feeling resentful/guilty because I was contributing far less to our joint pot of money.

So after some discussion I now have a set amount of money to spend every month - basically an allowance! It's working very well and for the first time I can buy DH things as a surprise and I have money I can spend how I want. We do most things together when it comes to money, so having an allowance has made life for both of us less stressful. My allowance is just another figure he records in his accounts and it's meant to be pocket money (generous pocket money ).

Out of all our friends we're the only ones who didn't keep their finances separate when they married. For years I was happy with the arrangement and arrogantly thought our way was a sign of love and trust , but when I lost my salary it upset the balance between us and it took several years to get to where we are now.

I find it very strange to share this information because I know this is actually more about my own self esteem than money. If I had my time again, I would keep our finances separate and would advise any young woman to do the same. Putting money into a joint pot whilst keeping your own independent money seems the best arrangement - if your budget allows for this.

We have had a joint account since our marriage and either of us can spend as much as they like with no recriminations from the other. I suppose this works because we are both pretty sensible people and thankfully not gamblers or secret woman (in his case) or men (in mine)-isers!

This time of the year is like any other - we buy what is asked for (we have to have instructions from DC re. their own and DGC's gifts or we would be completely lost), knowing the bill will be rather larger than normal in January.

In response to the OP, I have not actually added up what has been spent - I still have one or two more gifts to buy but I do agree with many others, our DH's don't have a clue (well, they eventually do, when they view the credit card bill!) and still think 'the day' will cost about £30.00, including wines, for ten people!

Bless.

We have dd living with us [24], also ds and his gf [23 and 24] and the situation is complicated by all three also having a birthday around Christmas Day.

This year dd admired a leather wallet which looks plain on the outside, but has gorgeous bright colours inside. I managed to find it cheaply, new, online. Ds coveted an obscure, out of print book about Martial Arts [normally an eye-watering £170+, but I found a copy on ebay for £55!].

They all - including Dh and sort-of-DIL - get [new] socks and bargain [secondhand/nearly new] clothes from ebay. So dh is getting a pair of black designer jeans, dd is getting a dress for her singing career, ds is getting a complete outfit in his favourite colour [brown], DIL is getting a designer pair of trainers.

Also they get presents costing not-very-much for their interests. For example, ds is trying to write screenplays, so I found and printed out the Screenwriters Guild list of the best 101 screen plays, also the shortlists for the Best Original Screenplays for the last three years at the OSCAR ceremonies.

In the past few years I am the one who has bought my presents - which are handed over to dh with instructions to wrap them up!!

There is always one joke gift for each. This year, for example, ds kept on about an 11 ounce burger he almost ordered - so he is getting a huge panto-style hat which is a 'burger'.

I still do Christmas stockings - there is an appropriate magazine for each to hold the stocking rigid, an orange and a red apple, a couple of chocolate coins and a couple of shiny real coins, a packet of nuts, jelly beans if I can find any at a reasonable price. Ds will be getting some things for his "Survival" interests, including a paracord bracelet and a tin containing things which will start a fire, dd and DIL will be getting hair and nail goodies from the Pound Shop, dh is getting a small wind-up torch. I'm putting the "smells almost like Chanel" spray, £4 supermarket knockoff, in mine. They get bulked out with bubble wrap saved from online deliveries!

And I will be making some old fashioned sweets [fudge, peppermint creams, turkish delight] and some spiced peaches for the Boxing Day ham. Making extra of those to go in the poundshop "kilner-style" jars as presents. Also "Oaty Milk Bath" in jam jars, home made. Ribbons, and cellophane bags, Christmas fabric scraps to cover the lids of jam jars, and red luggage label tags, and small wooden scoops for the Bath mixture, from ebay.

I have lists of who gets what and whether it is for birthday or Christmas. Totting up, I have spent about £120 on each of us [slightly less on DIL]. Also £10 on presents for each of my sisters [we have an agreed price limit] and Godchildren, about twice that for my Mum, who hates getting presents [!]. This year I have bought a £4 box of crackers which I am personalising by adding small gifts and labels. For example crystals and silver chains, 'cocktail rings', key rings, tiny pens covered with crystals. To be opened on Christmas Day, when we cannot be together.

[I am now permanently in a wheelchair, cannot walk a step, and cannot get into or out of a standard car! My family drives to see me before Christmas to exchange presents.]

Christmas food goodies have been bought as and when, with the normal shopping - though the turkey crown will be a significant purchase.

We are having an Christmas Open House bonfire party [with sparklers!] and two to three dozen neighbours will turn up and bring their own food and booze. We have that on a Sunday evening - usually 7-9pm - as there is a good chance that people do go at a reasonable time if they have work the next day! [We have one about once a month.] That costs us nothing but a few bowls of snacks and bottles of beer and soft drinks.

All in all I am feeling rather Festive!
Season's Greetings to you all, whatever your budget...

Beth... a lovely post...

I enjoyed Beth's post, too - you have some lovely ideas.

I did DD stockings until they (both married, with their own children) told me to desist! Shame, as I enjoyed buying small, relevant items all year-round, when we were out and about on our travels. Oh well, I suppose the 'tradition' had to end sometime. Good for you, Beth, to continue it.

Your mention of home-made sweets has made me want to dig out those cellophane bags and start cooking! That's tomorrow sorted!