Birth partner and "The 4th trimester" - Advice please!!!

That was very well-planned anno

Baby wearing is having the baby in a sling tied round you most of the day and sleeping with it at night. Basically child care as practised by our prehistoric ancestors. In my experience it produces happy babies who turn into happy independent toddlers.

Oh, thanks Deedaa.
I think DD1 would have benefited from being carried in a sling as she was a fractious baby.
However, I don't agree with co-sleeping although they were always next to me in a crib ready to be picked up if they stirred.

I must be pedantic but I would not trust anything given the name 4rth trimester. It is either 4th quarter or a third trimester. It just shows how far they will go to get something modern going.

My experience is that mother and father were there at the birth. The new father having taken an interest in the pregnancy so that he could be relied on. DD1 is a midwife and the only tip she gave to her brother-in-law was to take a flask of coffee and some sandwiches.
There were no Grandparents there, its not their day is it? We saw baby the day after at home, and only for a few hours.
Mum and baby need peace and quiet and if help then in the kitchen Do like in the Archers and take a (meat) and veg casserole to heat up!

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

I don't see how you can plan what will happen when baby comes. My ED was very happy to be put down in her pram or carrycot for a sleep, fully breastfed but wanted her own settling time. My DS, on the other hand, was a velcro baby and wouldn't put me down at all, slept with me til he was 4 years old and was both breast and supplementary bottle fed. I also suffered post natal depression with him so to have it carved in stone how things were going to go wouldn't have been practical as I had pulmonary oedema when he was a few days old and was blue lighted back into hospital. Some help would have been useful as my ED had to come with us at a very worrying time at 9 years old.

In respect of their dad, my ex husband having a full month off to "bond" with us both, well, no. One week was plenty and then I was ready for him to go back and let me get on with it, even when I had come back out after the blue light incident. And I am sure it was fine by him too.

I can't get my head around a 4th trimester, it doesn't make sense. The world has gone mad. It's not enough of sharing the love, free and easy, it's too regimented for me now, I'm glad my baby making days are over. I don't think you should ban anyone from coming to see you, you should be glad that people are wanting to share in your joy. Just have a buzz word to indicate between you that you are tired and have had enough and then hint to visitors that it's time they went. (Give them the baby and tell them you are going upstairs to make baby number 2!) Mainly people are just happy to have seen baby, have a cup of tea and biscuit, a cuddle, hug both parents and then on their way.

It is only manners after the initial welcoming to see if they are up for visitors and not in bed, half naked with breastfeeding, out on errands, etc. Just a quick call to say if it is ok to call for half an hour for a cuddle would be ok, as long as it is only half an hour and then the new parents would welcome you again if they know they are not going to have to entertain or prompt you to leave to get a bit of peace. Give and take on both sides, that's what is needed although some of today's youngsters don't seem to understand this concept and want it all their own way, in whatever they are doing. Perhaps as parents ourselves we have indulged them too much as our own children and now they expect to get all their own way still as adults? If this is the case, how is little Bertie going to turn out when he gets indulged with e tablets at 3 years old and extravagant parties etc. It all remains to be seen. My DS says he is not having any children as he doesn't want to bring any into the world we now live in.

MargaretX a trimester is a period of 3 months. It is not a third part of something in the same way that a quarter is a fourth part. It just so happens that because a pregnancy has a 9 month duration, the three trimesters are each a third of the pregnancy.

Nothing wrong with having a fourth trimester (mathematically speaking, that is!). You could have 10 trimesters if you like, which would simply equate to a total period of 30 months.

I was terribly hurt[and shocked] by the 'post birth rules' [wasn't allowed to see the baby for several days but happened to be at the hospital anyway and saw her for a few seconds]. It's the way things seem to be now. I do understand that new parents need to fend off having multitudes of people visiting, but when it's the grandparents wanting to see much longed for grandchildren I don't think they realise how hurt people can be by it. I do agree, up to a point with the 'fourth trimester' way of thinking, though in that it's now realised that the first three months are a time of readjustment for both baby and parents.

Maybe people shouldn't have a million "friends" on social websites these days and post every tiny detail of their lives, then they wouldn't have a queue at the door when baby came along! Maybe try to keep a little bit private and they would be ok. They can't have it every way, although they want to.

Hi girls.. What do you think of the expression "WE ARE PREGNANT"? When I hear it my teeth curl. I look forward to your comments.

I love the fact that these dads are so involved. My son talked about "we're having a scan" etc. He is a lovely dad and very committed to his family.

On the other hand I detest men who get a woman pregnant and walk away. They're the men who deserve our negative comments, IMHO.

Hear hear polly! My DD's husband cleared off when she was 6 months pregnant. I could happily have killed him.

My mother often used to say, of my baby daughter, 'When WE had (baby's name,' which worried me.
Then there was Margaret Thatcher's 'We are a grandmother'!
I'm sure none of us would get so carried away!

We are not pregnant the woman is pregnant. The man impregnated her. I also cringe. It is so new age.

I cringe when men walk away from their responsibilities.

DiL is all swaddled up in 4th trimester. Tradesman's entrance for us?

I dont think anyone should be there except for the father..or a substitute if he cant be there,its not a spectator sport and somme times things can go horribly wrong.The last thing I'd have wanted was anyone else around when it did go bad.As for the 4th trimester...hopefully they'll see sense and realise people only want to support and help them ,giving them time to spend with their new baby instead of the usual relentless round of washing baby clothes...though not everyone is as daft as I was ,..I hand washed them all ...for months.Feeding and cooking for yourselves when you're tired froom sleepless nights etc.Maybe your daughter has unrealistic expectations of taking a sleeping ,fed every four hours baby home and its rarely like that

This thread's nearly a year old...

Would be interesting to find out what happened? I have heard of this with adoption but that is quite different as the children are older (even if fostered early) and understandable due to their lives being disrupted. Please could we have an update?