Very well organised only daughter and her partner are expecting first child very soon. I have been asked to be 2nd birth partner and as our first GC am honoured they want me to be there.
I have read up on it and made it very clear to them on what my function is going to be - to be there in the delivery room when needed , to support them both or severally as and when invited into the room.
They are both happy with that.
The partner's mother is quite amazed that I do not want to be with her/them for the whole duration, as she never left her own daughter and husband "for a second" throughout her 2 labours.
Having said that I feel it is a personal thing, but to be there throughout does not seem right to me personally. I think the couple and that the bonding between the parents and baby should be paramount.
The latest news from only darling daughter (*ODD*) as of last evening is that the couple will be adhering to the "4th trimester " guidelines which I also have read up about and I can see the logical nature of it.
Therefore for the first month no uninvited visitors to allow a bonding period between the three of them.
I can remember 29 years ago not having a moment alone (over 2 weeks in hospital and baby in SCBU) with my (second) husband when ODD was born after an emergency Caesar.
The house was full when I came back home and remained so for the next two weeks. Great up to a point and I appreciated friends, family, even my lovely ex in laws visiting, but real life only started once we (baby and I) were alone (no paternity leave of course) and I must say it was a while before I really bonded with the baby.
However after all that essay as background I need advice on 2 points, if you are still awake ! So I am trusting the experts.
I know that the baby's other Gran ("Nanna") - will be totally bemused by this plan, not to say very hurt. She is younger than me but slightly disabled and divorced. She is a "natural" when it comes to babies, also very supportive and loving. I know I will make a good active and fun Gran - our styles are different but will happily complement each other. We also like each other and I hate the thought she may feel hurt.
Sometimes I feel a little ambivalent myself about this one month "exclusion zone" - my DH mark 2 just shakes his head and smiles.... but we bow to the fact it is their baby, their choice.
"Nanna" has as yet no idea that after one visit she will be effectively barred from visiting again for a month without an invitation.
Her ex husband lives in Thailand and is coming back for one month to see the baby. He has no idea either. (By the way they have an amicable relationship.)
DH mark 2 and I feel that the couple themselves should be the ones who establish what is best for them..... but I feel it is rather draconian to limit someone who is flying long haul to just one visit, and to hurt the feelings of someone to whom the GC are her life.
I hesitate to interfere in any way with the couple's decision and my husband and I are fine with it. We are both happy to stay away for the settling in period of one month without any angst.
I just have concerns about how I can broach the subject without it sounding like interference. Our daughter does have a pretty analytical brain and a determined , even selfish streak. I have no problem with it and am quite prepared to go with the flow, but hate to see the other grandparents hurt. Ideally I would like to suggest they be allowed to visit baby together as a couple a few times and everyone else be limited to one visit, as I am fine with that. Does all this make me unnatural ? What shall I do ?
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