help me i havent bonded with gc number 7

agree with Marionk

If you're a nice person, which I think you might be because you are insightful about your feelings and worried about them, FAKE IT till you make it!

My mother reacted to the birth of my second by OTT spoiling my first, saying it was so that she didn't "feel pushed aside by the baby". It was awful not just for me as a new mum (whose baby was being ignored) but also awful for DD1, who had/has a great bond with DD2 but found her grandmothers very obvious favouritism confusing, and she began to act out towards the baby after Nanna had been to visit (she didn't usually act out to her, I think she was copying Nanna as someone that she looks up to, she could see Nanna making a point of turning all attention away from DD2 and onto DD1)

It never improved, we ended up seeing less of her because (amongst other reasons) she may think she was doing DD1 a favour by treating her "specially" and not making a fuss of the baby, but actually it confused DD1 (who was otherwise besotted with new little sister) and I didn't want it to affect DD1s fabulous bond with DD2..

p.s. I don't believe that she was doing it purely because she genuinely believed it would be good for DD1 to be spoiled while the baby ignored. I could see she didn't love DD2 instantly the way she had loved DD1, you could see it when she held her. I just wish she'ld had it in her to do the decent thing and fake it till it came. Now it'll probably never come.

Sara I do have other GS but as someone posted earlier re their GCs they live further away and so not so much contact.

To everyone else thank you all so much. Such wise words and I feel so much better. I'm confident now after reading all your posts that once he is more alert and smiling with his own little personality I will feel differently. I see now as others have said you put so much into that special GC relationship it kind of throws you when another GC comes along and your emotions throw their hands up in horror and go "What?! All my time is given to GD! How the hell am I going to make time for GS?" but of course you do. Thanks everyone

I didn't warm to GS2 for quite a while. I didn't see as much of him as I did of GS1 and I just didn't feel that close connection. 4 years on he is absolutely the light of my life and we have great fun together.

Thankyou Christine
I strongly believe that being adopted shouldn't make any difference but some of the older generation just can't get past the feeling that adopted children are not part of the family. My dd adopted one of my 'babies', she couldn't be any more loved by the entire family than the 'blood' ones.

Thanks Elegran that is very reassuring.

SallyDapp amazing! x 27!

My son married a single mum with two very young children, one was only 3 months old when I met her and I just fell in love with her. He has gone on to have 3 more children whom I love to bits and have a very close relationship with but No 2 will always have a special place even though she is not blood related. Just give it time and relax!

All my time is given to GD! How the hell am I going to make time for GS?" but of course you do

No. Not everyone does. But I think you will otherwise you wouldn't have posted this .

In "real life" this is often where one of the children gets labelled "difficult" (for life) by a grandmother who has no insight into her struggle to bond.

I think this happens a lot, but gets rationalised away, sometimes by blaming the child's character. Which just makes it worse not better as the child grows.

You're not doing that OP, so you're already 99% of the way there! x

I'm still adjusting to having my daughter. I think I bonded with her about 10 years ago, and she is 34!