My son might be emigrating!

It sounds as though you are doing and saying all the right things OP - so well done you.

I am amazed that anyone might want to go and live in the US with barmy Trump about to come to power!!!

My son moved to NZ 20 years ago he will never come back to UK It's sad but he s still my son I only get to see them about every four or five years but we talk every Sunday on the phone he puts it on loud speaker so whoever is there will chat he has two teens who I ve only met half a dozen times but they are still my grandkids and get treated the same as my other five I have a daughter and family in Europe and another daughter and kids nearby I always cry when I leave any of them but then you have to brush yourself down and get on with it it's his choice they have a great lifestyle and much more money then they would here
Don't worry until they actually go then you will be given the strength to get through it and you eventually get used to it like everything else

I always remember our children are only leant to us

gracesgran I had to laugh at your 2 hour phone calls.... my son is not a great conversationalist unless we are talking about his sports so we have a 20 min chat with me leading it and it's always better if his wife's there to chip in still love him to bits

I had a one hour phone call with DD in Australia and then DH said - 'don't forget you phoned her mobile'
and when the bill came in.

Oh no Jalima! My son has a package that covers his calls (or so he tells me).

SeventhHeaven, I sympathise with your fears but reiterate what others have said. (1) It may never happen. (2)You are indeed lucky to have daughters and grandchildren nearby.
Many of us on GN, myself included, have no children or grandchildren nearby, and probably never will. This can be hard at first but, in time, you learn to value what they have achieved and become....and you recall that you first gave them the tools to be who they are...free to make their own choices.

Oh yes, the DD have packages that cover their calls; I just didn't think, chatting away

Both my sons went to oz within weeks in 2010...house was like a morgue...was like a death in family...they have popped n and out over the years ...both here for christmas this year...have seen lots of my 18 months old gd....she is in Canada FaceTime each week and just went home Thursday....it's not as hard as it used to be...will see t hem in April...here in September....there for Christmas..other son home at minute....not as bad as we feared

Hi Seventhheaven, my sympathies and I hope it doesn't happen. I'm another one, my twin daughters left for New Zealand last September and sometimes I'm in pieces. It's not clear yet if they'll stay but with all the changes here and in the world in general I fear they may.

Of course I want them to have good lives but it's such a long way. At least the States are only 9-14 or so hours away though that's far enough. I hate flying and haven't done much travelling outside Europe and I may force myself to go once to NZ but that'll be it. I almost hope they don't have children if they stay. It's bad enough losing them.
They have been keeping in touch but I don't think Skype etc is anywhere near a substitute for face to face. It's all surface and jokey. They've been travelling over the last week and we haven't heard and I can see how they could fade from memory. I wonder if that used to happen in the past when people emigrated and communications were poor and families lost touch.

I think it's right to keep your feelings hidden but it's hard. I hope your son doesn't go or goes for only a short time. You do have to just get on with it, it's true but sometimes now I wonder what the point of going on is. All things pass in the end I guess.

Skype, FaceTime, visits, etc. It won't be "the same," I know, and it will still hurt. But you won't "lose" ds. You may be able to keep in touch more than you think.

But please don't borrow trouble - he and dil might not move. No need to sort this out for yourself yet.

Azie, I'm worried about you. "...sometimes now I wonder what the point of going on is?" Sounds like you're deep in despair over your dds moving. Of course you are - both at once, whoa! Please seek counseling ASAP to help you cope.

About five years ago our DS and DiL wanted to emigrate to Canada (Nova Scotia). She's a legal secretary and has a degree in Hospitality. He's a boat builder and joiner and well qualified in that area but has no degree. They really tried over two or three years, but the hoops he had to jump through made it impossible and they lost quite a bit of money in the effort. The work) was there but it's a long way to go for an interview and Canadian's got first dibs.

I believe the USA is even harder to get into and Mr Trump won't be helping so don't fret too much - it may never happen. (But if it does try to persuade him to go somewhere nice where you can overwinter!)

So many helpful and insightful answers here, thankyou so much everyone. I am the type to worry myself to death about things which might or might not happen in life. It's very reassuring to know that many here who have gone through this feel as I do - also reassuring to know that if it does happen it will be very painful, but I will adjust in time. I didn't get to this age without experiencing great pain, loss and difficulty at times, but I have survived - and in life you just have to get on with things, however much you dislike it. And Azie, Starlady is right. You do sound like you need some support, sweetheart.

Starlady and Seventhheaven, thank you and sorry, that was a bit much. I haven't been sleeping well and it was a despairing middle of the night thought. I've had quite a few losses in my life and the disappearance of my daughters certainly brings those into close focus. I'm also having to deal with a distraught DH who doesn't manage feelings very well, let alone admit to them in the first place.

I do have one other daughter and she has become closer since her sisters went. It's quite common now for families to be spread across continents but it doesn't take much looking on the Internet to realise how hard it is for those left behind. I feel a bit as though I've hijacked your post SeventhHeaven, hope things work out well for you.

We have some friends who emigrated to the USA about 6years agoey love it there but the cost of private healthcare means they are now seriously considering moving back to the UK.

My son went to live in Australia...although hard I spoke to him more often on Skype or Whatsapp than when he lived here in the UK (he came back after 3 years). We didn't get out to see him during that time but he came back for a 2 week visit after 18 months.
My husband and I went to live in America for 5 years...your son will need to have a job to go to before he goes. We lived on the East coast so less flying time - we came back as we had to decide where we wanted our daughter educated and we decided the UK schools were better...we were only going for a year!...
My advice is that if he thinks he'll have a better life and better work/home balance you need to let him try it out...it is hard and I had a bit of a cry too

My daughter has lived in the US and more recently Canada for 18 years now.Initially I always got the blues for a while after she went back after visits here, but did get used to it after a while.We live in a small town with poor job opportunities and she is highly qualified and ambitious,so there's nothing for her here. She's a good communicator and now with Skype we can speak regularly and get the body language and facial expressions; her small sons are beginning to be able to sit and chat too. One very good aspect is that on her annual visit here and when we go there it's 24 hour intense, and we sometimes feel we see as much of her because of that as we do of our other 2 who live elsewhere in the UK. Most of all, she's fulfilled and living her dream, which is a great consolation to us.

My daughter has lived in the US and more recently Canada for 18 years now.Initially I always got the blues for a while after she went back after visits here, but did get used to it after a while.We live in a small town with poor job opportunities and she is highly qualified and ambitious,so there's nothing for her here. She's a good communicator and now with Skype we can speak regularly and get the body language and facial expressions; her small sons are beginning to be able to sit and chat too. One very good aspect is that on her annual visit here and when we go there it's 24 hour intense, and we sometimes feel we see as much of her because of that as we do of our other 2 who live elsewhere in the UK. Most of all, she's fulfilled and living her dream, which is a great consolation to us.

Like others have said it's not that easy just to move to America and things might be even harder when the new president takes power. My son and daughter have never lived round the corner or in same city. Son in Ireland, daughter has been in Japan for 16 years and just moved back to Leeds. Neither place can you pop to for a days visit ( unless emergency ) , both have children and work and loads going on in their life, so visits have to be planned and saved for . The ipad is a wonderful thing to keep in touch with, though again has to be planned. Yes I've had a few tears over the years, but as an only one with no relatives and no husband, just decided to get on with it and make a nice busy contented life for myself. Enjoy your time with them now and don't worry about what might not happen. Good luck.

SeventhHeaven worry not!! Our son emigrated to NZ with his wife and our 15 month old grandson. When he told us I privately threw 'all the toys out of the pram'. He of course knew nothing about this!! As the day came closer my Dil asked me to book my flight to NZ before they left, which she did on my behalf.
Our son Skype us every week so we can see our grandson and see what he's 'up too' and phones me at least once a fortnight. I actually see our son and talk to him more often now he's overseas. I used to spend alternate Tuesdays with Dil and Gs. That bit was hard to adapt too!
I'm off to NZ beginning of April. Look at it this way it's a New county to explore!! Good luck. ?

Our eldest daughter and sil and two small gds (2 &3yrs) moved to USA sixteen years ago having never ever visited the country. My dh and I would not try to influence either of our two dds, but have to admit it was tough, lots of lip biting.. if it happens to you, you will survive, have your tears in private. The internet will be a great help keeping in touch. Good luck.

It is horrible and I HATE it.

My youngest grandchild has just had his first birthday and I ache to cuddle him, but have no idea if I ever will.

Having said that, at least I get to speak to my son by Facetime as often as I want/need to, and my grandchildren do know who I am.

That is the best I can expect, and I am grateful for it.

Please don't waste time/energy anticipating. Plenty of time for tears if it actually does happen, and hopping across the pond is not considered much of a big deal these days. I expect your DIL's parents will fight to keep them here anyway. Sadly for me, my DIL is Australian, and they live VERY close to her parents in Oz. (Wish there was an emoticon for weeping!)

Seventhheaven, why put on such a brave face when surely your son will expect you to be upset, as any loving mother would be? It's okay for you to be happy for him and his wife but sad for yourself. That's entirely normal. By pretending otherwise you even risk appearing not to care.

Mightn't he even be doing the same as you? Agonising over hurting you but keeping his feelings to himself because it's the "done thing" in your family? You and his wife are no doubt the two most important women in his life, but in this situation he can't give both of you what you want. He has to make a choice. He has to move on.

Be brave and get it out in the open. Talk to him about it, and don't be afraid to cry! You will probably make it easier for him by telling him what I'm sure he already knows - that of course, for your own sake, you don't want him to go, but that you would be even more devastated if you thought you'd done anything to stop him and his wife pursuing their dream.

As you can see, there are lots of us in the same boat. Me included. And now I feel myself filling up as I write this!

Sorry to hear that your son might be emigrating Seventhheaven I understand how you're feeling at the moment as my son went to NZ to live 7 years ago. I can still remember when he told me he was applying for a job there. My heart sank and I just knew he would end up going ( he did). The first couple of years were the worst especially as he and his then wife had their first child. I was in a constant state of grief. Since then he has had another child and also split from his wife. I've seen him twice in 7 years and since he's a bad communicator I speak to him once every 6 weeks at most. You get used to it eventually and I accept that he and my GDs have a better life there than they would here. Luckily my daughter is an hour from me and has a lovely partner and 2 beautiful children who I see once a week. They make up for the loss but you cannot ever get over the fact that one of your precious children and their family is out of your life on a regular basis.
You have to let them go though and just be glad that they are happy and that you as a parent have given them the confidence to follow their dreams.

Rinouchka and others are right. It may never happen.

And, would he be happy living under the new presidential administration? Some things are going to be more difficult if he is not easygoing about politics. I have trouble with friends and family already if not on the same page. It's much worse it seems than the difference between leavers and remainers here.

Aside from that, I brought my Brit husband back to the US in 1992 for 8 years. It was a big process, but we had retirement and savings. Still, once there...he found living there was not the same as being a tourist. You are expected to accumulate American values about certain things and leave your Britishness back here.

That I did not like as it happened to me when I first lived here. I was no longer the American tourist who was asked about all things US, I was just the American woman who lived next door and actually felt ignored as Brits take time to make new friends. Once I realised that, I was fine. Have lots of friends now

Granarchist Fourteen days is PAID holiday.No restrictions for taking more you just don't get paid for it.