My son might be emigrating!

I really don't think that admitting your sadness and pain is negative. If you don't admit to those feelings, they don't go away, they just fester. And I guess we're all different but for me, one finger typed messages randomly received and TV like interactions once every few weeks are not really contact, they're superficial.

Mair a friend was coming back from Australia recently and she said it was noticeable that the plane was full of exhausted looking grandparents who had been visiting expat family. It's very hard. Of course we all get on with it. I'm seeing a lot more of my older daughter who clearly wants to be closer now and we're giving ourselves lots of little treats but it only helps the pain a little. I'm so glad I have another child.

Mair I am so pleased to see you approve of my feelings on the matter - of course I need you to tell me this [don't want to be patronised thank-you]

You seem to feel that twisting what I said makes a discussion point. I did not write, say or in anyway suggest that " migration isn't far more prevalent than in the past". I did suggest that you might be surprised just how often it happened and, as you have already declared you are not interested in your family history - you might. Please don't conflate what you read with what I actually write and then feel you have leave to reprimand me. When you read things actually written I might think you have some right to forward a contra argument but I will still not feel that reprimanding other posters is either polite of necessary.

GG
There were three aspects to your post including the personal, that one of your sons is an emigrant , and I am very sorry you considered my post patronising as I genuinely feel for the pain of you or any parent in that situation, especially when the country is far away. It must be dreadful.

However I disagree strongly with your view that having another child or more remaining in one's country doesnt provide some relief of the pain, as Azie's comment above supports. Of course you cannot replace the distant child but others and their children can help to fill the empty space left by their departure. I cannot believe you wouldnt find it harder still if your other son was also to emigrate?

On your historical point however of migration in the past no I would not be 'surprised at how often it happened' (far rarer than today is the answer). Youre being rather 'patronsing' yourself here.
The word 'often' is abstract and relative, and maybe you at some point learned about migration in the past and were surprised to find it more frequent than you had thought, but that is not my perspective. I have been aware that it occurs as long as I can remember and also aware that it was never anything like it is now!
Think about it GG, if it has been widespread then global culture and languages would have become far more widespread far sooner and national and local cultures languages and dialects lost. In fact after the initial 'peopling of the world' the vast majority pretty much stayed put until the age of exploration and the colonisation of the new world, and then the repeopling of that from Europe took place but it was still very much a minority activity (with some exceptions of forced migration such as the potato famine and pogroms).

Incidentally nor did I say I am not interested in my family history, I did say I am not especially interested in the experiences of my two distant cousins who went to Australia after WW2. I am very interested in family history, though more the earlier stuff than post WW2.

a friend was coming back from Australia recently and she said it was noticeable that the plane was full of exhausted looking grandparents who had been visiting expat family We're exhausted because we have been so busy for several weeks enjoying ourselves! And the journey is not the best part of the trip, but at least more achievable these days.
When an aunt went to Australia in the 1930s that was it - until the late 1960s which was the first time she came back to the UK for a visit.

Tragic for her parents eh Jalima!

You cannot disagree with my view Mair, strongly or otherwise. It is my view and hold it - that one child does not replace, by their presence, the absence of another. You can hold a different view - although it sounds as if you do not have personal experience - but that doesn't allow for an argument with mine.

I think if you recognised the difference between fact and opinion you wouldn't come across as belligerent and argumentative as you sometimes/often do. People are entitled to hold an opinion which doesn't agree with yours, particularly when it is about themselves and their reaction to their lives. If they hold one that is challenged by fact then fine - put that argument forward. But surely, this is a discussion thread not one where Mair attempts to win an argument - yet again.

I have been aware that it occurs as long as I can remember and also aware that it was never anything like it is now!

I think that is a moot point
Instead of looking at numbers one would have to look at the proportion of populations who emigrated from various countries over the years for many and varied reasons.

Tragic for her parents eh Jalima!
I am sure they missed her a great deal but were extremely proud of her too and happy that she was independent and chose to stay there when she could have come back again.
It would have been tragic if she had died prematurely but she led a happy and fulfilled life to the age of 88.

Have you got children who live overseas Mair?
If not, how can you possibly know how people feel about it?

If mine lived a few hundred miles away in the UK I would probably see them for a weekend every so often and chat on the phone in between; as they live far away I see them once a year for longer, more concentrated periods of time.

Must go and look at flight deals.

I suppose you can either accentuate the negatives or look for the positives in life.

"You cannot disagree with my view Mair, strongly or otherwise. It is my view and hold it - that one child does not replace, by their presence, the absence of another. You can hold a different view - although it sounds as if you do not have personal experience - but that doesn't allow for an argument with mine."

Of course I can disagree with it in the sense that I believe most people with a child abroad are glad if they have one other or more still here. I know I would be without needing to experience it. You seem to be focussing on the word 'replace' which is an unfortunate and inaccurate in this context.

I think if you recognised the difference between fact and opinion you wouldn't come across as belligerent and argumentative as you sometimes/often do.

Talk about pot calling kettle blacK! Youre the one who is coming across as belligerent GG, despite the fact that I have apologised to you for appearing, unwittingly, to patronise you on the personal matter.

I fully accept that you feel your emigree son is not 'replaced' (that unfortunate word again) by having your other son in this country, but I cannot help but feel that you would find it more challenging still if the other son was to go too! I accept I could be wrong as we are all different but I do think your view is not the majority view and most GPs of emigrees are very glad indeed to have another AC still living here.

But surely, this is a discussion thread not one where Mair attempts to win an argument - yet again
It seems to me that it's you who is trying to make an argument.
It's certainly you being snipey!

I think it is entirely possible to imagine how one would feel if this were to happen to them. As I said in my ignored as usual earlier post, I personally would be devastated if my family were to emigrate because I would probably never see them again. For me that isn't hard to imagine and offer sympathy to anyone for whom this situation might be real.

My daughter lives in Europe and I speak to her more now than when she lived in England. My husband and I are also planning to move abroad, life goes on, communication is the key. Technology helps alot, skype, whatsap etc. Its always hard when a child leaves for good, which undoubtedly will happen if your son is successful. USA is a hard place to get into, might not even happen. Silent tears I can definitely relate too, mums always will have that emotion, I feel for you. Talking to others (on here) helps alot when this dilemma arises. I wish you and your son a happy future whatever it might be.

Europe isnt so bad is it Sue, the USA (especially West) much tougher, Australia to me is absolute horror distance!

"As I said in my ignored as usual earlier post."

Perhaps you should be more "belligerent"?

I see, yet again, how well you read others post Mair. At least you could get the indisputable facts right.

At least you could get the indisputable facts right.

I am sorry GG please point to my error?

Goodness me 'émigré' - my son didn't move for political reasons Mair.

"but I cannot help but feel that you would find it more challenging still if the other son was to go too!"

You are still telling someone else what you think they would feel!

@Mair Europe is great, daughter lives in Ibiza, we, my husband and one son are going to Hungary to live, had enough of the UK! My 2 other children are staying in England. We do travel alot, because we can, but appreciate some families don't have the resources to visit their children/grandchildren in far away places.

"You are still telling someone else what you think they would feel!"

Yes what I 'think' you would feel, not what you would feel.
Cannot see any issue with that!

I am, not, like some posters, minded to tell people what they really think!

@Mair Europe is great, daughter lives in Ibiza, we, my husband and one son are going to Hungary to live, had enough of the UK!

Goodness! I was thinking you were going to join the DD!

Is either of you Hungarian? Very challenging language!

'émigré' - my son didn't move for political reasons
I wasn't suggesting that! Its not a necessary part of the definition.

Jalima. Must just correct you - Ship of Brides - is about Australian girls marrying British Servicemen and following them to UK. I loved the book.

DS and his family have lived in USA for almost fifteen years - the youngest DGS being born there. I know that he has more scope with the work he does out there than back in UK and I am happy to see him doing what he loves. Originally he went for five years before they had a family but when they returned to UK they never really settled so it was not a huge surprise when they returned there.
We speak to each other at least weekly - time difference comes into play - and we often use FaceTime - it is now so normal that the children will just pop up and give a quick update on anything they are doing. However when I do go to visit them there is nothing like the feeling when I see him in the arrivals hall and the first hug.

Obviously this is not a thread for those who actually have adult children living abroad.