How to have conversations

Me too, Grandma2213.

joyjoy you gave the example of the child's cousin talking about an event they had both been involved in. Probably it seemed, to the little girl, that the cousin was describing everything perfectly well and there was no need for her to make any contribution.

Maybe the others at the table talk such a lot, in general, that the child feels there is no need for her to say anything at all?

Don't worry about it and let her have peace to enjoy her meals.

Thank you - some really useful observations and ideas here. Much appreciated

I became more chatty and definitely more assertive after I had my children.

I suggest what our family has done for generations (I know this because of the little stories that have got passed down) rub your hands together enthusiastically and say "what are we going to talk about today?"

Lol, I should pick up some tips from here on how to join in with conversations at MIL's about people I have never met or heard of

I was shy as a child - my older sister dominated conversations at the table as she was anything but shy! She may well be listening (although appearing bored) as I used to follow the conversation but rarely made any comment. I was the same in school too. As I grew older I did join in more, especially once my sister was at work and not home so much but I can say from my own experience that I would have dreaded being 'expected' to talk when I didn't want to so my advice would be to let her be, if she talks at other times then don't let chatting at the table become an issue!

Don't you just chat along and then say 'what do you think' I used to solicit the kids opinions all the time, where shall we go at the weekend /on holiday / should the dog be wearing his coat yet / family life is non stop chatter at that level.

I had to include a variety of imaginary friends too from time to time, one was an alligator and caused a lot of extra work with his requirements at mealtimes, but Gake, Hovis, Elvis and Kumer were fine although invisible. We were equal opportunities early on.

I also taught my lot when slightly old to argue a case effectively (I am an advocate) and lived to regret that to this very day as we are a contentious bunch and can go at it for hours when we're bored.

She won't be much interested in house prices and stuff yet but the availabilty of whatever she is interested in or schoo topics or friends............my 4 year old grand daughter never stops chatting on..........and very nice it is too. Her imaginary mate is Ralar............he is a bit of a git and we discuss his behaviour a fair bit and what she might do about it.

Joyjoy.
Be grateful your grandchild eats but not converses around the table
Many parents have the opposite, all chatter but no eating.

Listening to adult conversation isn't going to do her any harm. As long as she has friends and can chat to them, I wouldn't worry.

joyjoy

Perhaps you could ask your GD to help with laying the table and preparing / cooking the meal.

Maybe from being involved with the process she just might feel part of the whole mealtime activity.

I wouldn't be worried too much though. My GD says as little as possible on the phone and chats at the table .

joyjoy there is an excellent article online on this subject. It isn't very long and may be helpful if you care to take a look.

bit.ly/2mRGHwJ

Jalima that made me laugh. My DS replied "Nothing" or "Nothing much" to every question about his day at school. He didn't have much to say at the dinner table either unless the children were squabbling. He's now a perfectly functioning adult and Dad though not exactly chatty. We are all different and thank heavens for that.

juney64 that is a really excellent article - thank you so much I will pass it on

And now DGS follows in his mother's footsteps - he doesn't do anything much at school either!

DGS mostly does'nothing'at school, but sometimes finds it 'boring'! I'm not sure about these precocious brats having long conversations. Whatever happened to "seen and not heard"?

Instead of what did you do at school how about what was your favourite thing at school today...what was your least favourite ...following each with why is that your favourite etc ...in other words, always better to ask open questions with children.

My dd is just about to turn 9. She's quiet until I start the conversations with her, then she doesn't stop! I think it's lovely that you want to engage her in conversation. We talk about school, her school friends, what she's looking forward to in the holidays. She loves baking, dancing, Colouring, needlecraft and gardening. Get involved in all her interests and hobbies. Mine loves to read Roald Dahl so to get involved in that, I get her to read the books to me, then every so often occasions arise which are similar to the stories and we have a good old giggle. (Bfg has some good dinner time laughs) go for a walk before dinner and then bring up subjects of things you've seen out and about.

Carigransnet - that's exactly the kind of story that got passed down!
On the flipside: we had friends who we shard lifts with to a local sports club. At their tea time on those days the conversation was 'what shall we ask the (nannrose's children) about today, knowing that guaranteed an 'excange of opinions' to liven the journey!

Maybe she is shy. My three children were shy,like their father, which used to cause us some concern because we knew the agonies he had suffered.
A close friend recommended that they joined a speech & drama class, which they enjoyed.
Their teachers still complained that they did not join in class discussions but I replied "That's their nature" ( A wise old owl sat in an oak, the more he heard the less he spoke!)
My middle son, who is now in his 50's and very successful in his career, frequently needs to give presentations. He surprised me by saying that he still used tactics he had learned at his drama class.

I say be glad she isnt sitting at the table with her I-Pad.

General questions like "What did you do in school today?" aren't very productive - they're the ones that generate answers like "Nothing." Better to be more specific, like, "What are you studying in math?" or "What book is the class reading?" Maybe even "What did you play at recess?" or "Who did you play with at recess?" Yes, you may get one-word replies - or a steady stream. But for some children that seems to be the beginning. True conversation, with its give & take, is an art, after all. It takes some kids more time to master than others (some adults I know still haven't, lol!).

I cast my mind back through the mists of time to when I was 9. I can remember chatting with my friends non-stop at dinner time, in the playground etc, We didn't have phones so I can't comment on that. I think, around adults 9 year olds are fairly quiet. I can remember listening intently to adult conversations but didn't join in until I was about 13 or maybe even older.

Opposite way round here Falconbird one of our DGS would join in with all the conversation round the table at 9 and start conversations but having got to 14...now silence and a lot eating. Joy joy your little GD may turn out to be a very good listener, with just the occasional comment.

I went to a funeral yesterday. I got talking to my little twin great niece and nephew age 10. Both at separate times. They had been very quiet for a while but actually had had the courage to walk over, without being pushed, and sit at our table, they don't see a lot of us so I felt really privileged they had done that. I started talking to them about school and what they enjoyed about it, and their holidays, what they wanted to do when they grew up and things like that. We had a lovely chat and I felt I knew much more about them and their lives.

I remember all the adults chatting and laughing one evening at my house at dinner, then a little voice piped up with 'no-one is talking to me'! It was my little 3 yr old grandson who must have felt out of things. I have always remembered that and it taught me a good lesson. Children are just little people who love to be included. I made an effort to include him in the conversation after that.